Treatise 6: The Duties of Parents

§. 1. Of the Heads of Parents' Duties.

Ephesians 6:4 And you Fathers provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

Next to children's, follow Parents' duties, which the Apostle lays down in this fourth verse: where he notes, 1. The duties 2. The parties 1. That are to perform the duties, Fathers. 2. To whom they are to be performed, Children.

The duties are set down, | 1. By prohibition. | 2. By precept. | |

The prohibition notes out one extreme, which is overmuch rigour, (Provoke not to wrath)

The inference of the precept upon the prohibition notes out another extreme, which is overmuch remissness.

The precept itself enjoins to parents three duties. 1. To nourish children, namely with food, apparel, and other like necessaries (Nourish them.) 2. To nurture them, namely with good discipline (In nurture.)

3. To instruct them, namely in the ways of God (And admonition of the Lord.)

Nature | teaches | Unreasonable Creatures | to do the | First | Civility | Reasonable Men | | Second | | Piety | Christians | | Third. | |

To these heads may all the several points which I shall deliver concerning parents' duties, be referred.

That Parents may the better discern how one duty follows another, I will proceed in this order.

1. The fountain of all duties, | shall be declared. | 2. The streams that issue from there, | |

The streams shall be divided into two rivers.

In the first are those general duties that are continually to be done.

In the second, such particular duties as are to be applied to the several ages of children.

There are two principal general duties. 1. Faithful prayer to God. 2. Upright walking with God.

All the particulars may be comprised under this one head, A provident care. And this has respect, 1. To the infancy of children, 2. To their youth, 3. To the time of their placing forth, 4. To the time of parents departing out of this world.

§. 2. Of that Love which parents owe to their children.

The Fountain of parents' duties is Love. This is expressly enjoined to them. Many approved examples are recorded hereof: as Abraham's, Isaac's, Rebekah's, and others.

Great reason there is why this affection should be fast fixed in the heart of parents towards their children. For great is that pain, pains, cost, and care, which parents must undergo for their children. But if love be in them, no pain, pains, cost, or care, will seem too much. Herein appears the wise providence of God, who by nature has so fast fixed love in the hearts of parents, as if there be any in whom it abounds not, he is counted unnatural. If love did not abound in parents, many children would be neglected and lost. For if parents look not to their children, who will? If none look to them, they must needs perish: for they are not able to help themselves. As God by nature has planted love in all parents, so Christians ought even for conscience sake, to nourish, increase, and blow up this fire of love, that they may thereby be made more forward to do every duty with cheerfulness. The more fervent love is, the more readily will every duty be performed.

Object. As too much fire is dangerous, so too much love.

Answer. True. Therefore as in other things, so in this, the golden mean must be kept. No duty so holy and necessary, but may be perverted. Let the extremes be avoided, and the mean will better be kept.

§. 3. Of the contraries to love.

The extreme contrary to love in the defect is want of natural affection, which is reckoned in the catalogue of notorious sins. Though love of children be by nature engraved in man's heart, yet many clean put it out through covetousness, lust, vainglory, superstition, idolatry, and other vices: whereby it comes to pass that instead of the good which they should do for their children, they bring much mischief upon them. Some spare not the precious life of their children. Among these, barbarous idolaters do most exceed in this kind of unnatural cruelty, sacrificing their children, and offering them up to devils. To this the great bloodsucker Satan of old brought not only the heathen, who being ignorant of God did service to the devil, but also the Israelites to whom Jehovah the true God made himself known, and expressly forbid this cruelty, and that under pain of death. Behold how superstition and idolatry blind the eyes of men. They who have been among the Savages in Virginia, Florida, India, and other like places testify that such cruelty is used to this day. And it is rendered as a main reason why, notwithstanding such spacious places as they have, they increase no more in multitude, because many of their children from time to time are offered up in sacrifice.

Reasonable men herein show themselves more unreasonable than unreasonable beasts, which do what possibly they can to preserve their young ones.

Though not so high, yet too high on this ladder of unnaturalness do they climb, who hate their children, and that (which makes the sin to be out of measure sinful) for piety and integrity; as many Popish and profane parents, who have children truly religious: and in that respect ought so much the more to be loved.

The extreme in the excess is too much doting upon children: as they do who so unmeasurably love them, as they make reckoning of nothing in comparison of children. Even God himself is lightly esteemed, his worship neglected, his word transgressed, all duty to others omitted, their own souls forgotten through care of children. Is not this mere apish kindness? for Apes kill their young ones with hugging. This is no love, but plain dotage. But what may be said of those that are so hellishly enamoured with their children as to commit incest or buggery with them?

§. 4. Of Parents praying for their children.

The first and best stream which issues out of the forenamed fountain of love is faithful and fervent prayer. This extends itself to all things, at all times, throughout the whole course of the child's life. It is the first and it is the last duty which parents ought to perform to their children: even that which they must do without intermission; Pray without ceasing.

Though prayer be a general duty which all Christians owe one to another, yet after a peculiar manner does it pertain to parents: and of all others they are most bound to it. For the promise which God makes to a parent is extended to his seed and children, as these and such like Scriptures show, I will be your God, and the God of your seed: That it may be well with them and with their children: The promise is to you, and to your children. Parents therefore with most assurance of faith may call upon God for their children. For God's promise is the ground of faith: so far as God's promise is extended, so far our faith may and ought to extend itself. Hence has arisen the commendable custom of children asking their parents' blessing: which intimates a desire that parents would pray for God's blessing on them.

This duty of prayer must be performed before parents have children (that they may have some, as Isaac, Hannah and others did) and so soon as children are conceived, especially if they observe them to be quick in the womb (as Rebekah did) and again when they are born (as Zechariah did) and throughout the whole course of their life (as Job did) and when they are going out of this world, and leaving their children (as Isaac did.)

There is no one thing wherein and whereby parents may do more good for their children, than in and by true prayer. God has sanctified prayer as a means to receive all needful blessing from himself the fountain of all blessing. If therefore God's blessing be of use to children (what atheists are they that believe it not?) then also is prayer by which it is obtained.

§. 5. Of vices contrary to parents praying for their children.

The very neglect of this duty is a sin contrary to the duty itself: and many parents there be that stand guilty of this sin. Some think it needless to pray for a child before it be born, not considering that in sin it is conceived. When it is born they refer this duty to the midwife, whereas it properly pertains to the father. After it is grown to any ripeness, they put it off to the child to pray for itself. And when they are on their death-bed, they think it enough if they can pray for their own souls. Such parents show little true love to their children: but less faith in God.

But what may we say or think of such impious parents as fear not to make fearful imprecations against their children? God often in wrath and vengeance hears such imprecations to the woe of parent and child: whereby he shows his great indignation against them for the same.

§. 6. Of parents endeavoring to be righteous that they may leave God's blessing to their children.

Another general branch proceeding from parents' love to their children, is, that for their children's sake they endeavor to walk uprightly before God, and to please him. This I do the rather note, because I find the reward promised to righteous parents to be extended to their children: The generation of the righteous shall be blessed, says David. And Solomon, Blessed shall his children be after him: and again, The good man shall give inheritance to his children's children. This motive is therefore urged by the Holy Ghost to provoke parents to all righteousness.

Thus does the Lord extend the reward of righteous parents to their children to show his great good liking, and high approbation of righteousness. Read for this purpose, (1 Kings 11:34; 2 Kings 10:30).

1. Objection. The righteousness of the righteous shall be upon himself.

Answer. That is meant rather of a man's personal righteousness, and grace itself which is not communicated to children, than of the fruit thereof: That faith in Christ, fear of God, obedience to God's word, or any other personal grace which is in righteous parents, shall not justify or save their children. For the just shall live by his own faith. Yet this hinders not but that the benefit and blessing of righteous parents may fall upon their children according to the extent of God's promise.

2. Objection. By experience we find it verified, that the children of some righteous parents are cursed: and the Scripture gives us many examples thereof: as Cain, Ham, Absalom, and others like them.

1. Answer. Such children by their unworthy, and degenerate carriage make forfeiture of God's covenant and so deprive themselves of the benefit thereof.

2. Answer. Many good reasons may be given why God should sometimes alter his course, and withhold his blessings from the children of his servants. As,

1. Lest God's gifts and blessings should otherwise seem to come rather by natural propagation from the parent, than by free donation from God.

2. Lest parents should thereby be drawn to neglect the means of good education.

3. Lest children also themselves, trusting too much to their parents' righteousness, should take too much liberty, and wax licentious.

4. Lest God's free election should seem hereby to be restrained.

3. Objection.

If this be so, what motive can it be to parents to labor after righteousness for their children's sake?

Answer. Though God does reserve in himself a freedom to order his blessings as it pleases him, and to bestow them upon whom he will: and thereupon sometimes blesses the child of a wicked parent (instance Hezekiah) and denies his blessing to the child of a righteous parent (instance Ammon) yet in that it is a very usual course with him to extend his blessing (according to his promise) to the children of the righteous, it is a strong motive to such as desire the good of their children, the rather for their children's sake to endeavor after righteousness: for thus do they use the means which by God's word is warranted and sanctified for procuring God's blessing to their children. Leave therefore a good memory to your children rather than much wealth.

§. 7. Of the preposterous course which covetous and unjust parents take for the good of their children.

Contrary is the course of such parents as by unrighteous means think to provide well for their children. For many do not only too anxiously, and distrustfully toil to scrape together great masses of money, or great store of land, or other stocks for their children, neglecting duties of piety and mercy, but also by unjust and wrongful courses defraud others to make their children rich. So common is this undue course of providing for children, as from there has arisen this proverb, Happy are those children whose parents go to the devil. A cursed proverb. For what other thing can it intend, but this, that they who fear not God, nor take care for their own salvation, will have most respect to the outward estate of their children, and be most careful to make them great, and rich in this world? Wherein note how many ways they reveal their notorious folly.

1. They prefer the outward estate of their children before the eternal salvation of their own souls. Indeed, and before God himself.

2. They place the happiness of their children in the goods of this world; than which nothing is more vain.

3. They make themselves drudges to their children, and so debase themselves below that dignity which by reason of God's image on them, appertains to them.

4. They with much pains, care, grief, and fear are long gathering that which their children in short time most riotously and prodigally will lavish out.

5. They make themselves vassals to Satan and seek by him to be made rich: whereas indeed it is the blessing of God that makes rich. Thus they take a wrong course to get wealth. If it be said that many are thus made rich, I answer, that as God gave a King to Israel, so he gives wealth to them, in wrath: and in wrath will he take it away.

6. They bring God's curse into their house, and leave it to their children: so as these are the riches that are reserved to the owners thereof for their evil. Let not therefore care for children draw you to any covetous or unjust courses: but know that he who made your son made you also, and he who afforded you means of nourishment, will also afford your children sufficient succor.

§. 8. Of parents' providence for their children.

The head, to which all the particular duties, which parents owe to their children, may be referred, is a provident care for their children's good. This extends itself to all times, and to all things.

To all times, as to the infancy, youth, and manhood of their children: and that not only while parents live, but after their departure.

To all things, namely, tending both to the temporal good of their children, and also to their spiritual good.

Children are of the very substance of their parents, and therefore ought parents so far to seek their children's good as their own.

The patterns of holy parents recorded and commended in Scripture, do lively set forth this provident care.

But this general we will exemplify in the particulars: and in order declare how parents must provide both for the temporal, and also for the spiritual good of their children in every degree of their age.

They who at any time in any thing are negligent and careless of their children's good, offend in the contrary to this general duty. The heinousness of which offences will appear in the particulars.

§. 9. Of a mother's care over her child while it is in her womb.

The first age of a child is the infancy thereof. I will therefore first show how therein parents must procure the temporal good of their children, and then their spiritual good.

The first part of a child's infancy is while it remains in the mother's womb. Here therefore the duty lies principally upon the mother: who so soon as she perceives a child to be conceived in her womb, ought to have a special care thereof, that (so much as in her lies) the child may be safely brought forth. (The heathen [reconstructed: Philosophers], by light of nature, observed this to be a duty; and prescribed it to mothers.) A mother then must have a tender care over herself when she is with child: for the child being lodged in her, and receiving nourishment from her (as plants from the earth) her well-being tends much to the good and safety of the child: but the hurt that comes to her, makes the child the worse, if it is not a means to destroy it. Why was the charge of abstaining from wine, strong drink, and unclean things, given to Manoah's wife, but because of the child which she conceived?

In this case there is a double bond to make mothers careful of themselves. 1. Their own, 2. Their child's good.

Husbands also in this case must be very tender over their wives, and helpful to them in all things needful, both in regard of that duty which they owe to their wives, and also of that they owe to their children. Why was Manoah so desirous to hear himself the forenamed direction which the Angel gave to his wife? And why did the Angel again repeat it to him, but to show it belonged to him to see her observe it?

They who through violence of passion, whether of grief, or anger, or through violent motion of the body, as by dancing, striving, running, galloping on horseback, or the like: or through distemper of the body, by eating things hurtful, by eating too much, by too much abstinence, by too much bashfulness in concealing their desires and longings (as we speak) cause any abortion or miscarriage, fall into the offence contrary to the forenamed duty. If women were persuaded that in conscience they are bound to the forenamed duty, they would, I think, be more careful of themselves. For if through their default, they themselves or their child miscarry, they make themselves guilty of that miscarriage: if both miscarry, they make themselves guilty of the blood of both; at least in the court of conscience before God.

But they who purposely take things to make away their children in their womb, are in far higher degree guilty of blood: indeed, even of willful murder. For that which has received a soul formed in it by God, if it is unjustly cast away, shall be revenged.

So far forth as husbands are careless of their wives being with child, denying them things needful, they are accessory to the hurt, which the woman, or child takes, guilty of the sin, and liable to the judgment.

§. 10. Of providing things needful for the child, so soon as it is born: and of cruelty contrary thereto.

The next degree of a child's infancy, is while it is in the swaddling bands, and remains a sucking child. In this also the care especially lies upon the mother: yet so as the father must afford what help he can.

The first duty here required is, that sufficient provision of all things needful for a child in that weakness be before hand provided. What the particulars be, women better know, than I can express. For me, it is sufficient, to lay down the duty in general: which is commended to us in that worthy pattern of the Virgin Mary, who though she were very poor, and forced to travel far, and brought to bed in a strange place, where she was so little respected, as she was not afforded a place meet for a woman in her case, but was constrained to content herself with a stable in a common inn, yet she provided for her child. For it is said, She wrapped him in swaddling clothes (Luke 2:7).

Contrary is the practice of such lewd and unnatural women, as leave their newborn children under stalls, at men's doors, in church porches, indeed many times in open field. It is noted as a point of unnaturalness in the ostrich, to leave her eggs in the earth, and in the dust: in which respect she is said to be hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers (Job 39:14, 16). Much more hardened are the foresaid lewd women. The eagle is counted an unnatural bird, because she thrusts her young ones, which she has brought forth, out of her nest. Are not then such mothers much more unnatural? They often lay their children forth in public places, for others to show that mercy, which they themselves have not. The Civil Law judges this to be a kind of [reconstructed: murder].

§. 11. Of giving suck to children.

Among other needful things, the milk of the breast is fit for young babes, and with it they are to be nourished. I think none doubt of the equity of this. It has in all ages, and in all countries, been accounted the best food that can be for young babes. The metaphor, which Saint Peter uses, taken from young infants in these words, As newborn babes desire the sincere milk of the word) confirms as much. So does also the desire which such infants have to the milk of the breasts: and the ability, and promptness which is in them to suck: and God's providence in causing a woman's breasts to yield forth such milk: and the constant manner of nourishing little infants after this manner, commended in the Scriptures: and (to conclude) the natural instinct which many unreasonable creatures have thus to nourish their young ones.

They who on mere curiosity (where no urgent necessity requires) try whether their children may not as birds be nourished without suck, offend contrary to this duty; and reject that means which God has ordained as the best: and so oppose their shallow wit to his unsearchable wisdom.

§. 12. Of mothers giving suck to their own children.

Of nourishing children with breast-milk, there is no great question: therefore I have with a touch passed it over. The chiefest question of doubt is concerning the party who is bound to this duty; namely, whether the mother is bound to do it herself or not.

Many strong arguments there be to press it upon the consciences of mothers, and to show that (so far as they are able) they are bound to give suck to their own children. Some are taken from the light of God's word; and some from the light of nature.

God's word does in many places by just consequence imply, that it is a bounden duty: in other places it does expressly commend it by the practice of holy women: and again in other places it takes it for a granted truth, and ruled case, not to be denied.

1. The consequences whereby the word implies this duty are these:

1. In the blessing given to Joseph thus speaks old Jacob, God shall bless you with the blessing of the breasts, and of the womb. By the blessing of the womb, what can be meant, but children? By the blessing of the breasts, what, but milk, whereby those children are nourished? As if he had said; I will bless you with such women, as shall both bear you children, and also give suck to them which they bear. The consequence then is this: As it is a blessing to have children of a true lawful wife; so to have those children nursed of the same wife their mother (Genesis 49:25).

Objection. They have the blessing of breasts that have other women to nurse their children.

Answer. By the same reason it may be said, they have the blessing of the womb who have strange women to bear them children. But the joining of these two branches of blessing together, shows that both must be taken in the same kind: so that as the blessing of the womb is to have children of a man's wife, so the blessing of the breasts is to have them nursed of his wife. If it is a blessing for the woman which bears the child to give it suck, then mothers are bound to perform this duty.

2. It is denounced as a curse, that women shall have a barren womb and dry breasts (Hosea 9:14). If it is a curse for women to have dry breasts, then women may not wittingly make them dry: which all mothers do, that give not suck to their children.

3. Manoah's wife being promised to bear a son, had this charge given her, Drink no wine, nor strong drink, etc. those things were especially hurtful for her milk. It is therefore implied thereby, that she should so order her diet, as she might well nurse her child, and have good milk for him.

4. God by his good providence brought it to pass, that the mother of Moses (though she were forced to cast out her child) should nurse her own child. Indeed the mother herself was desirous to do it, and therefore appointed her daughter to watch who should take it up. These two circumstances imply that it pertains to a mother to nurse her children (Exodus 2:7, etc.).

5. The Apostle lays this down as a note of a good woman, who in her place has been careful to do her duty, and thereupon fit to do service in God's Church (If she have nourished her children, or word for word, If she have fed her children.) (1 Timothy 5:10). Now the proper food for young babes is breast-milk, which, by the Apostle's rule, the mother must give.

6. The same Apostle commands mothers to love their children (Titus 2:4). How can a mother better express her love to her young babe, than by letting it suck of her own breasts? As this is a testimony of love, so it is a means of preserving and increasing love: for daily experience shows that mothers love those children best to whom they themselves give suck.

Sum these several consequences together, and we shall find the duty in question to be very strongly enforced hereby. 1. As a blessing it is promised, that mothers shall give suck to the children that they bear. 2. As a curse it is threatened, that women shall not be able to give suck. 3. An angel gave direction to a mother so to carry herself as she might have store of good milk for the child which she should bear. 4. God by his special providence manifested that the proper mother was the best nurse for a child. 5. It is the note of a good woman to perform this part of her particular calling, namely to nurse her own child. 6. Women ought to do all the best duties of love that they can to their children.

Therefore mothers ought to nurse their own children.

2. Some of the most worthy patterns, in whose example this duty is commended to mothers, are these.

1. Sarah gave suck to Isaac. This example is to be noted especially of the greater sort: as rich men's wives, honorable men's wives, and the like. For Sarah was an honorable woman, a princess, a rich man's wife, a beautiful woman, aged and well grown in years, and a mistress of a family.

Are not these excuses pretended by many mothers for not nursing children themselves?

2. The virgin Mary gave suck to Jesus. This example is to be noted especially of the meaner sort, for the virgin [reconstructed: Mary] was young, poor, persecuted, forced to remove and flee with her child from country to country. Are not these excuses pretended by other mothers?

These two patterns do not only commend the duty, but also strip all mothers that are negligent therein, of all excuse.

To these may be added the examples of Hannah, of David's mother, and of many others. What if also I add the example of that true, natural, affectionate mother who stood before Solomon's throne to plead for her child? She thus says of herself, I arose to give my son suck, etc. If this had not been a good motherly duty, she would not then and there have pleaded it.

3. The places of Scripture which take this duty for a matter granted, and for a ruled case, are such as these.

1. Where Sarah says, Who would have said to Abram that Sarah should have given children suck? In this phrase she sets forth God's blessing in giving Abram a son by her. Now in that she expresses the blessing under this phrase of giving suck, she takes it for granted, that the mother which bears children must give them suck.

2. Where David says, you did make me hope upon my mother's breasts, he does not only imply that his mother gave him suck, but by the phrase makes it a ruled case that the child which sucks must hang upon the mother's breast.

3. Where Solomon says, O that you were as my brother that sucked the breasts of my mother, he takes it also for granted, that brothers and sisters, as they come out of the same womb, so they should suck the same breasts, even the breasts of her out of whose womb they came, their own mothers' breasts.

4. Where the woman said to Christ, Blessed is the womb that bore you, and the breasts which you have sucked, she takes it for granted (as it was a usual practice in those days) that the [reconstructed: breasts] of that woman, whose womb bore him, gave him [reconstructed: suck].

These arguments we have from the light of God's word: others we may have from God's works and the light of nature, as

1. God has given to women two breasts fit to contain [reconstructed: and] hold milk: and nipples fit to have milk drawn from them. Why are these thus given? To lay them [reconstructed: forth] for ostentation? There is no warrant for that in all God's [reconstructed: word]. They are directly given for the child's food that comes out of the womb; for till the child be born, there is [reconstructed: no] milk in the breasts: soon after it is born, milk ordinarily flows into the breasts: yes, a great part of the food which [reconstructed: they] eat turns into milk. They make this admirable work [reconstructed: of] God's providence to be in vain, that dry up this spring, [reconstructed: and] suffer not their children to partake of the benefit of it.

2. That nourishment on which the child fed in the [reconstructed: mother's] womb, and whereby it was there sustained, turns into milk, and comes into the breasts when the child comes out of the womb. From this we may gather, that of all women's milk, that woman's milk is fittest for the child, out of whose womb the child came.

3. Together with the milk passes some smack of the affection and disposition of the mother: which makes mothers to love such children best as they have given suck to: yes, and often times such children as have sucked their mothers' breasts, love their mothers best: yes, we may observe many who have sucked others' milk, to love those nurses all the days of their life.

4. Other things are nourished by the same that they are bred. The earth out of which plants grow, ministers nourishment to the said plants: trees that bring forth fruit yield sap to that fruit, whereby it grows to ripeness: unreasonable creatures, and among them the most savage wild beasts, as tigers and dragons, yes, sea-monsters give suck to their young ones; whereupon the Prophet says of women that give not suck to their children, that they are more cruel than those sea-monsters, like the ostriches in the wilderness: for the cruel ostrich, and the hateful cuckoo are the two kinds of creatures which are noted to leave their young ones for others to nourish; the ostrich leaves her eggs in the dust: the cuckoo leaves hers in other birds' nests. Other creatures (if nature afford them not milk and teats, as to birds it does not) feed their young ones other ways, yet by themselves.

5. Shall I add another argument which daily experience confirms, namely God's blessing upon this motherly duty: commonly such children as are nursed by their mothers, prosper best. Mothers are most tender over them, and cannot endure to let them lie crying out, without taking them up and stilling them; as nurses will let them cry and cry again, if they be about any business of their own. For who are commonly chosen to be nurses? Even poor country women which have much work to do, and little help; and so are forced to let the child lie and cry, many times till it burst again. Children nursed by their mothers are for the most part more cleanly, and neatly brought up, freer from diseases; not so many die; I am sure not so many through negligence cast away. The number of nurse children that die every year is very great. It has been observed in many country villages, that the most part, that from time to time die there, are nurse children. Are not mothers that might have nursed their own children if they would, accessory to the death of those that are cast away by the nurses' negligence?

On these and other like reasons heathen women, and very savages, have in all ages been moved to nurse their own children: and some heathen philosophers have urged and pressed the necessity of this duty. Never was it more neglected, than among those that bear the name of Christians.

Let mothers know of whatever rank or degree they be, that (out of the case of necessity) they have no warrant to put forth their children to others to nurse. We read not in all the Scripture of any holy women that ever did it.

§. 13. Of the objections for putting children forth to nurse.

Objection. Many nurses are mentioned in Scripture, as Rebekah's nurse, Mephibosheth's nurse, Joash's nurse, and others.

1. Answer. Such nurses mentioned in Scripture were commonly dry nurses. Rebekah's nurse went with her before she was married: how can it be thought that she was a milk nurse? Could they tell when Rebekah should have a child? Or when she had one, that Deborah (the nurse there mentioned) should have milk for her? It is said that Naomi became nurse to Ruth's child: now Naomi was old, long before this she was past child-bearing, without a husband for many years: how then was it possible that she should give suck? She was therefore a dry nurse, as other nurses mentioned in Scripture (Genesis 35:8; Ruth 4:16 and 1:12).

2. Answer. The mothers of those children which are said to have nurses (if those nurses were milk-nurses) might be dead: or if living, not able to give suck for want of milk, nipple, or for some other like defect: or if able, they sin in putting forth their children.

3. Answer. Though it be said that there were nurses, yet is it nowhere said that a mother put forth her child to suck.

2. Object. Pharaoh's daughter put forth the child which she took for her own to nurse.

Answer. She bore not this child, nor was the natural mother of it, so as this is nothing to the purpose. Indeed it makes against the objectors, in that the true mother of this child nursed it.

3. Object. The metaphor taken from nurses is often used, and applied to God, and to God's ministers.

1. Answer. The using of a thing by way of comparison and resemblance does not simply justify it: take the parable of the unjust steward, and of a thief (Luke 16:1, etc.; Revelation 15:16).

2. Answer. The metaphor may be taken from a dry nurse as well as a milk nurse: for the comparisons are not used of giving suck, but of bearing and carrying in arms, as dry nurses use to carry children.

3. Answer. The metaphors are most fitly taken from mothers that are nurses to their own children.

4. Object. Many mothers have not such skill in giving suck as nurses have.

Answer. Let them learn, seeing it is their duty.

5. Object. Mothers that are of great wealth and high place cannot endure the pain of nursing, nor take the pains in handling young children as they must be handled.

1. Answer. The greatest that be must set themselves to do that duty which God requires at their hands, though it be with pain and pains. Note Sarah's example before recorded.

2. Answer. By this it appears, that if other women could bear their children in the womb nine months, and endure the pain of labor for them, they would hire others to do it. But seeing they do the one (namely bear and bring forth their own children with hard labor) why should they not do the other? If they say there is an unavoidable necessity of bearing and bringing forth their children; I answer, that conscience ought to move them to nurse those children, which necessity forces them to bring forth. God by this latter act of nursing children makes trial of women whether they will for conscience sake do that duty which they may if they will put off. But because God knew that many will do no more than necessity lays upon them, he has made it a matter of impossibility for women to bear and bring forth their children by another.

3. Answer. If women would with cheerfulness set themselves to perform this duty, much of the supposed pain and pains would be lessened.

4. Answer. Though they put not forth their children to nurse, they may for their ease entertain a nurse, so they give suck themselves.

6. Object. A mother that has a trade, or that has the care of a house, will neglect much business by nursing her child: and her husband will save more by giving half a crown a week to a nurse, than if his wife gave the child suck.

Answer. No outward business pertaining to a mother can be more acceptable to God than the nursing of her child: this is the most proper work of her special calling, therefore all other businesses must give place to this, and this must not be left for any other business.

As for the husband's saving by putting the child forth to nurse, no gain may give a dispensation against a binding duty.

7. Object. It will break tender fair women, and make them look old too soon.

1. Answer. God's ordinance must not give place to women's niceness. Sarah was fair and old: the Virgin Mary was fair and young.

2. Answer. Drying up a woman's milk will more break her, than her child's sucking of it: for it is a means both of better health, and also of greater strength, as to bear children, so to give them suck. Barren women and bearing women which put forth their children to suck, are most subject to sickness and weakness. The drawing forth of a woman's milk by her child is a means to get and preserve a good stomach, which is a great preservative of good health.

8. Object. Husbands are disturbed in the night time, and hindered of their sleep by their wives giving suck to their children.

1. Answer. By this reason neither mothers nor other nurses which have husbands, should give suck to children.

2. Answer. Seeing children come from the loins of the father, as well as out of the womb of the mother, they must be content to endure some disturbance as well as their wives, and so much the rather that they may the more pity their wives, and afford to them what help they can.

9. Object. Many husbands will not suffer their wives to nurse their children themselves.

Answer. Because it is a binding duty, wives must use all the means they can by themselves or others to persuade their husbands to let them perform it: they must take heed that they make not this a pretext to cover their own sloth, and reluctance to this duty: they may not make themselves accessory to their husbands' fault by providing a nurse, and sending the child away themselves: if their husbands will stand upon their authority, and be persuaded by no means to the contrary, they must be mere patients in suffering the child to be taken away.

10. Object. Many poor women maintain their house by nursing other folks' children.

Answer. If they were not that way employed, they might take pains in some other thing. But the gain of one may not make another neglect her duty.

11. Object. Some mothers cannot give suck, they have no milk: others cannot very well, in that they have no nipples, or they have sore breasts, or are sickly, or it may be that they have such a disease, as the child, if it should suck of their milk, would draw to itself, and so the sucking might prove very dangerous to the child.

1. Answer. God requires no impossibilities: therefore in propounding the duty I put in this caution (so far as they are able.)

God requires mercy, and not sacrifice: if therefore in truth it is so that the mother's giving suck to the child will be dangerous to herself or to the child, she may and ought to forbear: for giving suck is but as sacrifice to the preventing of danger, which is mercy. But women must take heed that they pretend not inability, and danger without just cause. Some are themselves the cause of wanting milk because they will not let it be drawn down; or because they will not use means (for means there are) to get and increase milk. There are means also to raise nipples where the breasts are very flat. Refusing to give suck many times causes some sickness in a woman, and sore breasts, which might be prevented with the child's sucking. If the soreness be only in the nipples, a mother with enduring a little more pain may safely give the child suck. Many mothers have given their children suck when blood has run by the mouth of the child by reason of sore nipples, and yet both mother and child done very well.

Objection. Diverse children being nursed by the mother have died one after another.

Answer. Due and thorough search must be made by those that are skillful: and if any cause be found in the mother, then the rule holds, mercy and not sacrifice: but if none can be found, the issue must be referred to God's providence: and the uncertain event must not be a hindrance to a known duty.

Thus the answering of the forenamed objections makes the point so much the more clear.

§. 14. Of the father's duty in encouraging his wife to nurse her child.

The duty which on a father's part in this respect is required, is that he encourage his wife, and help her with all needful things for the performance of this duty. It is noted of Elkanah, that he suffered his wife to tarry at home while she gave suck to her son, and would not force her to go up to the tabernacle as his other wife did, but gave her all the ease and content he could, saying to her, Do what seems good to you (1 Samuel 1:23). And of Abraham it is noted, that after Sarah had done giving the child suck, he made a great feast, even the day that Isaac was weaned (Genesis 21:8): one end of which was to testify his rejoicing for God's blessing on her motherly duty so well performed.

§. 15. Of the faults contrary to a mother's nursing her child.

Contrary to this duty do all such mothers offend, as for any side-respects when no necessity requires put forth their children to be nursed by others. 1. Some do it for ease and quiet, because they cannot endure to have their sleep broken, or to hear their child wrangle and cry. 2. Others do it for niceness, because they are loath to open their breasts, or to soil their clothes. 3. Others upon pride, conceiting that their beauty would be impaired, and they look old too soon. 4. Others upon gain, because they can have a child cheaper nursed abroad than at home, where, at least, they must hire a maid the more. 5. Others upon pleasure, that they might more freely ride abroad, and meet their gossips. 6. Others upon other side-respects: all which do argue much self-love: little love to their child, and little respect to God. They can be counted but half-mothers: for nursing a child is as much as bearing and bringing it forth.

§. 16. Of a father's fault in hindering his wife's nursing of her child.

To the forenamed fault of mothers do all such fathers make themselves accessory, as forbid their wives to nurse their children, or are a grief to them by their complaints of trouble, disquiet and expense: or afford not things needful, or do not encourage them all they can to do it. The mother's both pain and pains is the greatest: it is in comparison but a small thing that fathers can endure therein. Their fault therefore must needs be the greater, if any way they be an occasion of their child's putting forth to nurse: which I have the rather noted, because husbands for the most part are the cause that their wives nurse not their own children: and that partly by suffering, and partly by egging them on to put out their children. If husbands were willing that their wives should perform this duty, and would persuade and encourage them thereto, and afford them what helps they could, where one mother now nurses her child, twenty would do it.

§. 17. Of parents' joint care about their children's Baptism.

There is a further duty to be performed of parents to their children even in their infancy, and that is in regard of their spiritual good, which is this,

Parents ought to procure that their children be rightly baptized in due season.

This is indeed a common duty appertaining to both parents, but most principally to the father, and that for two reasons.

1. The father is the chief and principal governor, and has the greatest charge: accordingly he ought to have the greatest care even in such matters as are common to both.

2. The mother at that time by reason of her travail and delivery is weak, and not in a state to have her head much troubled with many cares; much less able herself to take order for such weighty matters. Only the husband is to make known to his wife (if she be not extraordinarily weak) what his purpose is concerning the place, time, manner, and other like circumstances of baptizing the child, and to advise with her about the name, witnesses, and such like points. And if the husband be too backward and negligent, the wife ought so far as she is able to put him in mind of his duty therein, and to stir him up by herself or some other to perform it.

§. 18. Of the reasons to move parents to see their children baptized.

That parents are bound to procure Baptism for their children these reasons declare.

1. The commandment of God concerning circumcising children: in the room of which Baptism succeeds now under the Gospel (Colossians 2:11-12). God's commandment to this duty was first given to Abraham: and that for himself and all his posterity to observe (Genesis 17:10). After this it was in the law laid down as a positive statute (Leviticus 12:3).

2. The practice of the Jews in a faithful and constant observance of this ordinance: as of Abraham; of Zachary and Elizabeth: of Joseph and Mary, and many others.

Objection. The children which were born in the wilderness were not circumcised.

Answer. They had no abiding place in the wilderness, but were ever and anon removing: so as it would have been dangerous for the children to have been circumcised: in that extraordinary case this rule took place, I will have mercy and not sacrifice (Matthew 12:7).

3. The practice of Christians, who believing were themselves and their whole household baptized. Under whole household children must needs be comprised.

4. Christ's embracing and blessing such children as were brought to him: and rebuking those that would have kept them from him.

5. The promise of God made to them: for seeing God is so gracious as to extend his promise to our children: our care must be to procure the seal which God offers for the confirmation of that promise.

6. The right they have to God's kingdom. Baptism is an evidence of that their right. It is parents' duty to get them that evidence. If children have just title to any lands and revenues, or to any earthly honors and dignities, parents will do what they can to make that title sure to them even in their infancy: much more careful should they be to make that rich and glorious inheritance, which is in heaven reserved for them, as sure to them as they can: now no better means for the effecting of this than Baptism.

7. Their conception and birth in sin. Children drew contagion from their parents: therefore great reason it is that their parents should see them washed with the water of regeneration.

8. The comfort which from the performance of this duty will arise to Christian parents, yea and to the children also themselves when they come to the age of understanding. When parents behold the covenant of God surely sealed and confirmed to their children, they cannot (if at least they bear any love to their children) but much rejoice therein. And it must needs also much comfort the child when (being of understanding) he shall know that from his infancy he has carried the seal and pledge of his regeneration.

9. The constant continued custom of the true catholic Church, which ever since the Apostles' time has afforded the sacrament of baptism to children.

§. 19. Of Parents procuring their children to be rightly baptized.

There being such forcible motives to stir up parents to perform the duty, (which motives show it to be a weighty duty) I will further show how this duty ought to be performed.

Two things in children's baptism ought to be observed. 1. That it be rightly done. 2. That it be seasonably done.

In the right performance thereof, some things are necessary, and some expedient.

Things of necessity are these especially:

1. That the child be baptized by a Minister of the word.

2. That it be baptized with the element of water: the only element sanctified to this purpose.

3. That the form prescribed by Christ (Matthew 28:19) be used, In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: whereby the unity of the Godhead, and Trinity of Persons is plainly set forth.

4. That the proper rite be used of applying the water to the body of the child, so as at least the face of the child may be sprinkled therewith.

Things of expediency are,

1. That the child be baptized in a public place, where God's people ordinarily meet together, being set apart for the worship and service of God.

2. That such a time be chosen out, as an assembly of Saints may be there present.

These two circumstances are the rather to be observed, because Baptism is one of the solemn parts of God's public worship; a pledge of our incorporation into the body of Christ, and communion of his Saints, and therefore with the more solemnity, (as a matter of great moment) before many witnesses, with the assistance of the faithful prayers of an assembly of Saints, to be performed.

§. 20. Of Parents care to give a fit name to their child at his Baptism.

A third matter of great expediency about a child's baptism, is, that Parents be careful in giving a fit name.

It belongs to Parents to give the name to their child: for so holy parents (whose pattern in Scripture is in this respect commended to us) have done from time to time: and for their warrant to do it, it is worthy to be noted, that when God was pleased to appoint a name to a child, he gave in charge to the Parent so to name him, saying to him, You shall call his name thus and thus.

It is also evident, that the time of Baptism is the fittest time for giving the name. Under the law, children's names were given at their Circumcision: and so under the Gospel it has in all ages been used: and that for these reasons. 1. That their names may be a testimony of their baptism. 2. That so often as they hear their names, they may be put in mind of their baptism. 3. That they might know how by name they are given to Christ to be his soldiers, and therefore there must be no starting from him. 4. That they may also be assured, that being baptized with water and the spirit, by name they are registered in heaven.

Now because names are so solemnly given, and of so good use, most meet it is that fit names should be given to children. And for proof hereof, let the names which in Scripture are recorded to be given by God himself, and by such holy men and women as were guided by his spirit, be observed; and we shall find them to be holy, sober, and fit names.

For direction to parents in this duty, I will set down some sorts and kinds of names as be fit, and becoming Christians.

1. Names which have some good signification: and among them such as are warranted by the Scripture, as John (the grace of God) Jonathan (the gift of God) Andrew (manly) Clement (meek) Simeon (obedient) Hannah (gracious) Prudens (wise) and such like: that thus their name may stir them up to labor after the virtue signified thereby.

2. Names which have in times before us been given to persons of good note, whose life is worthy our imitation, as Isaac, David, Peter, Mary, Elizabeth, and such like: that the names may move them to imitate those worthies.

3. Names of our own ancestors and predecessors, to preserve a memory of the family: which appears to have been an ancient practice even among God's people, in that the friends would have had Zechariah's son named Zechariah; and when the mother had just cause to name him John, they answer, none of your kindred is called by this name.

4. Usual names of the country, which custom has made familiar, as Henry, Edward, Robert, William, and such like among us.

§. 21. Of Parents care in bringing their children to be baptized in due season.

Though Christians are not so strictly tied to a set day, as the Jews were to the eighth day; yet from that strict direction given to the Jews, we may well gather, that it is not meet for Christians to defer the baptizing of their children beyond eight days: for a young child of that age may with more ease, and less danger, be baptized, than circumcised.

The most seasonable time I take to be the day whereon God's people use in the place where the child is born, publicly to assemble together to worship God next after the birth of the child, if at least it fall not out within two or three days after, which is somewhat with the soonest both for mother and child.

Whether we respect the honor of God (the riches of whose mercy is lively set forth in the sacrament of baptism) or the good of our child (which in that sacrament receives a pledge and seal of that rich mercy of God) Baptism is of great consequence: and therefore the first season of performing it to be taken. For parents by their diligence and due speed therein, give evidence both of their zeal to God's glory, and also of their earnest desire of the child's spiritual good.

§. 22. Of parents' faults in neglecting their children's Baptism.

Contrary to the forenamed duty of parents about well baptizing their children, are many aberrations, as

1. The corrupt opinion of Anabaptists, who deny the lawfulness of baptizing children. The arguments before noted are sufficient to stop their mouths.

2. The practice of Separatists (coming too near to Anabaptism) who excepting against the ministry and orders of our Church, do what they can to keep their children from that Sacrament. And to that end carry their wives ready to be delivered to a strange place, where they are not known, and soon after they are delivered, privately convey wife, child, and all away, that so the Magistrate may not, against their will, cause their child to be baptized: and having no ministry of their own, nor means to convey the child overseas, keep it many years unbaptized. Where is the evidence of their faith in God's promise, of their respect to God's ordinance, and of their desire of their child's spiritual good? Though it be a great wrong to children to be kept from baptism, yet the sin lies on such parents as procure not baptism for their children: especially at that age when their children cannot gainsay it.

3. The perverse opinion and practice of certain ancient heretics, who instead of baptizing children with water, had them branded with a hot iron. They grounded their error on a false interpretation of this phrase (he shall baptize with the Holy Ghost and with fire.)

Answ. 1. They err in taking this word (fire) literally and properly, which was meant mystically and metaphorically.

2. They err in applying that to the outward action of a Minister, which was meant of the inward operation of Christ. By this their misinterpretation they thwart the main scope of him who first used that phrase, which was to manifest the difference between all other Ministers and Christ Jesus.

4. The opinion and practice of those, who use other forms of Baptism, besides this, (In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.) Their opinion and practice is grounded on certain concise phrases used by the Apostles: such as these, Baptized in the name of Jesus Christ: In the name of the Lord: In the name of the Lord Jesus, etc.

Answ. Those phrases rather set forth the very substance and inward matter of Baptism, than the form thereof.

5. Their opinion and practice, who care not by whom their children are baptized, whether heretics, idolaters, laity, or women: Little do they regard the comfort of conscience, and strength of faith, that arises from this; that a lawful Minister in God's room and name, as God's ambassador, puts the seal of God to his covenant.

6. The practice of those as (I know not upon what niceness or state) must have their children baptized at home in their private house. This manner of baptizing takes away much from the honor of that high ordinance, which ought to be done with all the seemly solemnity that may be.

7. Their practice who bring their child to Church to be baptized, accompanied only with the Midwife, and three witnesses. It were almost as good be baptized in a private house: for it is not the walls of the Church, but the assembly of Saints, that adds to the honor of the Sacrament, and is most of all to be respected.

8. Their practice who upon state, or for great witnesses, or such side-respects put off the baptizing of their children longer than is meet, some, two or three weeks, some, two or three months, some longer: whereby they show too light esteem of this Sacrament, in that they prefer mere complimentary circumstances before a matter of so great moment. God often shows his just indignation against such, in taking away their children unbaptized before the time set down by them for baptism has come.

9. Their practice who care not what heathenish, idolatrous, ridiculous names they give to their children. What respect do they show either to God in whose name their child is baptized, or to the holy Sacrament itself, or to the congregation of Saints before whom the name is given, or to the child itself who all his life is to carry that name?

§. 23. Of parents providing things needful for the life and health of their children.

Up to this point, the duties of parents respecting their children's infancy. Such as respect their childhood follow.

The childhood of a child is reckoned from the time that it begins to be of any discretion and understanding till it be fit to be placed forth: even so long as ordinarily it lives under the parents' government. Many distinguish the whole course of a man's life into four parts: 1. Childhood, 2. Youth, 3. Man-age, 4. Old-age.

The duties which parents for this time must perform to their children may be drawn to these two heads: 1. Care to bring them up. 2. Care to place them forth.

For their well training up, respect must be had both to their temporal and also to their spiritual good.

Two things are required of parents, in regard of the temporal good of their children: 1. To nourish them well. 2. To nurture them well.

Children must be well fed and taught.

Childhood from birth to 14 years.

Youth from 14 to 25.

Man-age from 25 to 50.

Old age from there to his death.

But for better distinguishing the duties which parents are to perform, I follow not so accurate a division, but rather distinguish the degrees of age according to the times wherein new duties are to be performed: and therefore I make a distinction between infancy and childhood.

Feed them in discipline, says the Apostle.

Under nourishment are comprised all needful things for health and life: which parents ought to provide for their children, as

1. Food, which Christ takes for a ruled case. From where he draws his argument to show that God will provide for his children. What father (says he) if his son ask him bread would give him a stone, etc. (Matthew 7:9-11).

2. Apparel, for it is expressly noted, that Israel made his son a coat (Genesis 37:3).

3. Recreation, which in young children especially is needful for their health. In that Zechariah 8:5 told the Jews, and that in way of blessing, that boys and girls should be playing in the streets, he implies that it is a lawful and fitting thing, which parents should permit to their children. But yet the time, and measure, and kind of recreation must be well ordered.

4. Means for recovery of health when they are sick: for this end was it, that Jeroboam sent his wife to the Prophet, in behalf of his son who was sick: that the Ruler came to Christ for his son also who was at point of death; and that many others came to him for their sons and daughters being ill.

Whatever other things are needful, parents to their power must provide for their children: else the Apostle counts them worse than infidels.

Both equity and necessity require thus much of parents.

Equity, in that children owe all their pains and service to their parents while they are under them, and are wholly at their command, and in that regard have no means to provide needful things but by their parents' help. Parents therefore in all right must herein be helpful to them.

Necessity, in that, if the life and health of children be not well provided for, no duty, no service can be expected at their hands.

§. 24. Of parents too much niggardliness, and carelessness toward their children.

There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed provident care of parents for their children's good:

In the defect, Covetousness.

In the excess, Lavishness.

Some parents so far fail in the defect, as they almost starve their children through want of necessaries: not affording them sufficient wholesome food, nor meet and comely apparel, but suffer them to go tagged and ragged like beggars [reconstructed: and rats]: if they be sick, God may recover them if he please, but the parents will use no means when they are well, they afford them no time of refreshing themselves by any recreation, but over-strictly hold them in. There is not only want of charity, but plain unnaturalness in such parents: even more than in the most cruel beasts. For the wild beasts do with much tenderness provide for their young ones.

§. 25. Of parents too much lavishness and indulgence upon their children.

Others surpass as much in the excess, feeding them too daintily: attiring them too garishly: tending them too cockeringly: and letting them spend too much time in sport and play. Many and great are the mischiefs that follow thereupon: as

1. They who are in their childhood daintily fed, and too much pampered, besides that for the most part they are most sickly, they will in time grow so squeamish, and choice of meats, as their parents shall not know what to provide for them, or when to give it them: The full soul loathes a honeycomb: indeed if a stranger comes to the table, where such a child sits, he may soon observe that he has been too daintily fed. If at first children be fed with ordinary moderate diet, they will afterwards both be in better health and liking, and also more contentedly, and thankfully accept whatever shall be provided for them. But excess breeds diseases both in body and mind.

2. Vanity in apparel does also much corrupt young children: for there is in them even from the cradle a natural disposition to outward bravery: now for parents to prank them up, what is it but to blow up the fire of that vanity, and make it arise into such a flame as in time may much scorch the parents themselves, and utterly consume the children: and yet how usual a fault is this? How monstrously do many parents offend therein? What foolish fashion is used of the greatest swaggerers, and lightest strumpets, which they will not bring their children to, and that when their children are not able to discern between stuffs or colors? What can this proclaim but parents' pride and folly? Proud maids are many times the instruments of pranking up children (especially when they are little ones) more than is fitting: but yet the blame lies on parents for suffering it.

3. Tending children too cockishly makes them too long children, and too tender: and often alters a good constitution of body. Some are so over-much tender of their children, as if a child never so little complain, or refuse the meat (though for daintiness or fullness) the physician must presently be sent for, and the apothecary sent to, and the child with supposed and apish kindness made much worse.

4. Too much sport makes them wild, rude, unfit to be trained up to any good calling, and spends their spirits, and wastes their strength too much. Yet many parents care not how much time their children spend in sport, and how little in learning: they think it dulls their children too much to be held to school, or to any learning: whereas indeed too much play infatuates them more, and learning would much sharpen their wits.

§. 26. Of well nurturing children.

I refer good nurture in part to the temporal good of children, because (as afterwards we shall hear in the particulars) it is an especial means of the outward temporal welfare of the child even in this world. Unless this be added to nourishing, wherein do reasonable men and women exceed unreasonable beasts? The most cruel beasts that be are very tender (as we heard before) towards their young ones, nourishing them, and providing all things needful for them till they can shift for themselves. But as God has given to man a reasonable soul, an understanding head, capacity, docility and aptness to learn, so ought parents to make use of those parts and gifts, lest for want of using them, in time they be lost: and so children prove little better than brutes. In this respect the proverb is true, better be unfed than untaught. Experience shows that good education is better than a great portion. The Holy Ghost does very much press this point on parents, as we shall later hear in the particulars. For I will handle these three points. 1. The kinds of nurture. 2. The time when it is to be done. 3. The means of well doing it.

§. 27. Of parents neglect in nurturing children.

Contrary to good nurture is too much liberty: which often brings much woe, and utter ruin upon children: it is the greatest enemy that can be of good education, and the nurse of all vice. Yet many parents care not to let their children live as they wish: all the care they take, is that they be fed and appareled. This is a common fault both of rich, and of poor parents. The rich pretend that their children need no education, because they have enough to leave them: not knowing that education is an especially important means to make them keep and well use that enough. The poor pretend that they are not able to bring up their children to anything: not considering that the Lord by his providence has so ordered the affairs of men, that as there are fit employments for the greatest, so also for the meanest, which without much cost may be used. The fault therefore wholly rests in the negligence of parents. And if thereupon children fall into any riot, their parents shall answer for it.

§. 28. Of parents teaching their children good manners.

The nurturing of children before mentioned consists 1. In teaching them good manners. 2. In training them up to a good calling.

Not only heathen men, and other moralists which were but mere natural civil men, but also the Holy Ghost himself has prescribed many rules of good manners, and much urged and pressed the same.

1. The word nurture mentioned by the Apostle in this text which we have in hand, implies as much: and the phrase which Solomon uses, Train up a child in the way he should go: that is, teach him how to order the course of his life.

2. The many precepts of reverencing our superiors, and carrying ourselves with respect one to another, are rules of good manners. Of these there are very many in Scripture.

3. Those rules are commended by many examples of holy men recorded in Scripture.

4. Such as have failed in the rules of good manners, and rudely carried themselves, are reproved by the Holy Ghost.

Neither is it without good reason that this point is so set forth.

1. Good manners are a very comely and seemly thing. But it becomes Christians to do all things decently. That decency is not only to be applied to the affairs of God's Church, but also to the whole course of our life, in which respect we are commanded to walk decently, that is, to order all our actions and the whole course of our life mannerly.

2. They are a thing of good report, and that both to parents and children: now we must do all things that are of good report.

3. They work a kind of delight, and love, and admiration, in those that behold them, as is noted of the Queen of Sheba when she beheld the comely carriage of Solomon's servants: and of the Egyptians when they beheld the orderly sitting of Joseph's brothers.

4. They are an outward ornament to piety and religion, and make it to be much more respected: in which respect Saint Peter exhorts believing wives to well order their conversation before unbelieving husbands: and Saint Paul exhorts all sorts of Christians to walk decently toward them that are without.

The Holy Ghost having thus urged the point of good manners, we may not think it a mere complimentary matter, and a needless point, but a binding duty.

§. 29. Of the objections against good manners.

1. Objection. Religion and grace consists not in good manners: many that have not a spark of God's fear in their hearts, are able to carry themselves in their outward behavior very orderly and mannerly.

Answer. Though grace consists not wholly in it, yet cannot grace well be without it: it is a great ornament and comeliness to it. And though mannerliness may be severed from a fear of God, yet God's fear will not be severed from it. Restraining grace may be in him who has no renewing grace: but renewing grace presupposes restraining grace, even as reason presupposes sense, though sense may be without reason. If such as fear not God can carry themselves comely and mannerly, what a shame is it for such as seem to fear God, not to do so? Shall not those be a witness against these?

2. Objection. Good manners are a hindrance to grace: they who are most diligent in teaching or practicing the one, are commonly most negligent in the other.

Answer. This is a mere cavil. Sure I am that grace is no hindrance to good manners. If any make good manners a hindrance to grace, it is their fault.

3. Objection. Good manners to grace are as mint, anise and cumin, to the great and weighty things of the law.

Answer. Grant it to be so: yet seeing both may stand together, why should they be severed? Christ's rule is this, These things ought you to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

4. Objection. Many that make great show of religion are very rude, and unmannerly.

Answer. If there be only a show of religion in them, no marvel that they have no manners. If some examples of such as are truly religious and lack good manners should be shown, their pattern is no precedent, much less can it prove that to be no duty which God's word has set down for a duty. Many that well perform some duties, much fail in other duties. Who almost follows God's word as he should in everything?

§. 30. Of parents suffering their children to be rudely brought up.

Contrary to parents' care in teaching their children good manners, is dissoluteness: when parents suffer their children to grow up in rudeness, not caring how they carry themselves at home or abroad, toward their parents, or toward others. Rude bringing up makes children to be of a crooked, perverse, stubborn, churlish, surly, doggish disposition; as on the other side, good nurture in this kind breeds ingenuity, amiableness, courtesy, and kindness. If such as are rudely brought up be children of professors of the true religion, they bring a stain upon their profession: yes, they dishonor God, as if he were the author of unmannerliness and confusion, against which the Holy Ghost protests: and they make themselves and their children a scorn in the eye and mouth of profane persons, who will be ready to point and say, Behold the children of professors, how rudely they are brought up, and ill taught: they have not so much as good manners in them.

For avoiding this blemish, schoolmasters and all such as have the charge of training up young children, must be a help to parents in teaching children good manners.

§. 31. Of parents training up their children to some good calling.

The second branch of good nurture is a training up of children to a good calling. This charge (train up a child in the way that he should go) directly [reconstructed: tends] to this purpose. This duty has from the beginning of the world been performed by parents, and their performance thereof commended by the Holy Ghost. Adam brought up his sons to several callings: one was a keeper of sheep, another a tiller of ground. The like is noted of Jacob's sons, Laban's, and Raguel's daughters, Isha's son, and many others.

Much good may from this arise to parents themselves, to their children, and to the people and places where such children shall live.

1. A good calling is an essential means for children to maintain themselves and family, to relieve those that stand in need, to ease their parents, and (if the need of parents require it) to relieve and maintain them.

2. It is that way wherein God's angels have a charge to keep them while they walk in it.

3. It is a means wherein and whereby they may be serviceable to the commonwealth where they live.

4. It is the best place wherein the general duties of Christianity may be most manifested, and best performed.

5. It is the best ordinary means that can be prescribed to keep a child from the vanities of youth, from immoderate pursuit of pleasures, from unlawful games, from idleness, from ill company, and such like evils; which, as they are sins in themselves, so occasions and provocations to other most grievous and enormous sins, and prove to be the very bane of youth.

Object. Many parents have good lands to leave to their children: what need is there of a calling to such?

Answer. 1. Much land may soon be consumed by such as have not skill well to use it.

2. Maintenance is but one end of a calling, and that not the greatest and most principal.

3. More good may be done by skill in a calling, than by great store of land.

4. We are born for others as well as for ourselves: it is not therefore sufficient to say I have enough to maintain myself.

§ 32. Of parents' care in choosing a fit calling for their children.

The point in general being declared to be a duty, I will add some directions for the better performing of it.

1. Children are to be trained up in those things which are the groundwork of all callings, as reading, writing, and principles of learning. Whatever the particular calling be, these will be of great use to any one. Many that have not been taught them at first, would give much for them afterwards. Parents at the first might teach their children those things with much ease and small charge, which afterwards cannot be so well learned, partly for want of leisure, and partly because the parts of those who are grown in years are not so fresh and fit to learn, as in childhood they were. Those things are not to be despised as small, without which great things cannot stand.

2. The calling to which children are trained up must be lawful, approved by God's word, and not against the general rules thereof: so may they keep a good conscience in the exercise thereof.

3. The calling must be fit for the child that is trained up to it. As there are diverse callings, so there are diverse abilities of sundry children: some are fittest for callings of wit and learning: others for callings that require an able and strong body. Wherein the wise disposing providence of God is much commended: for thus are men much more useful one to another. Now for choice of a fit calling, a child's best ability wherein especially it consists, whether in the exercise of mind or of body, is duly to be observed: and also his inclination, to what calling he is most disposed.

4. Among fit callings (for there may be many) that which is best and the most excellent is to be preferred. To this purpose not unfitly may I apply that of the Apostle, covet earnestly the best gifts.

On this ground let parents be exhorted to train up such children as they find fit, to the great and weighty calling of the ministry: no calling wherein any may do more good, and wherein (if they be able and faithful ministers) they can receive more comfort and contentment. This exhortation is the more to be regarded, because in comparison of those who are trained up to other callings, so few are trained up to this.

§ 33. Of parents' faults contrary to their duty of training their children up to a calling.

On the contrary, many parents much offend in not training up their children to a calling as they should. And the offence in this kind is committed many ways. As,

1. When parents suffer their children to live like little masters at home, and pass over all their youth in idleness. Thus they prove very drones, and caterpillars in the commonwealth: if they have a patrimony, they soon waste it: if they have none, they often prove either thieves or beggars: they are fit for all companies: the readiest prey for the devil that can be: for they are like the house empty, swept and garnished, which when the evil spirit espies, he immediately enters into it with seven other spirits worse than himself.

The wise lawmaker among the heathen is said to order that the child which by his parents had been taught no art, should not be forced to nourish them though they were old or poor. This I [reconstructed: allege] not to justify the law (for it is against the Christian rule of overcoming evil with goodness) but to show how the very heathen judged the neglect of this duty a great fault in parents.

2. When parents neglect to teach their children in their childhood the general and common grounds of all callings: some upon stinginess; others upon carelessness. Thus poor men make their children unfit for many means, whereby they might well maintain themselves: and rich men make theirs unfit for magistracy, and for good society. Indeed poor and rich are thus nurtured up the more in ignorance, and made the more unfit to profit by the preaching of the word, and other means of spiritual edification.

3. When parents bring up their children in unwarrantable and unlawful callings, as to be of popish and idolatrous orders; to attend upon papists; to be stage-players, keepers of dice-houses, etc. Some (which is horrible to think of) train up their daughters to be common strumpets: and some (which is yet more horrible) train up their children to be sorcerers and witches. How can they in these keep a good conscience, when the very works of their calling are sin? Is not this to thrust them headlong into hell? They who thus bind their children to the devil's sacrileges are spiritual murderers of them.

4. When parents have no respect at all to the fitness of the calling: as when they train up children of able bodies, but dull and slow capacity, of a stuttering tongue and other like imperfections, to learning, wherein they prove very dunces, and lose all their time, or are not able to make use of the learning which they have: or when they train up children which have a great inclination to learning, and are very fit to it, in some other trade, which, after many years spent therein, they are forced to leave.

5. When parents only seek after the most gainful trade, and never think to educate their children most to the honor of God. How can such expect God's blessing upon the means used for their children's good? Hence is it that among Papists so many are trained up to ecclesiastical orders and functions: and so few among Protestants. For there is very great maintenance and revenues for such among Papists: but little in comparison among Protestants.

Section 34. Of parents teaching their children piety.

The spiritual good of children, and that in their childhood, is to be procured by parents as well as their temporal. Therefore parents must train up their children in true piety. This is expressly commanded in my text under this phrase admonition of the Lord. Under the law God did both simply command it, and that very often, and also ordained diverse outward rites, and caused many visible and extraordinary monuments to be set up, that thereby children might be occasioned to ask of their parents the mystery of them, and that parents from that inquiry of their children might take occasion to teach them the ordinances of the Lord.

This express charge of the Lord is further commended by that practice which holy parents from time to time have yielded to: instance the examples of Abraham, David, Bathsheba, Lois and Eunice, with many others.

1. Piety is the best thing that a parent can teach his child: for as reason makes a man differ from a beast; and as learning and civility makes a wise and sober man differ from savages and swaggerers; so piety makes a sound Christian much more to differ from the most civil and well ordered natural man that can be. Learning, civility, calling, portion, are all nothing without piety. Now it is an especial point of wisdom, to seek the best good that we can, as for ourselves, so also for our children: indeed this is an evident sign of a parent's true love of his child.

2. There is a necessity that children be taught piety, because they are not born but made Christians: by nature they are utterly destitute of all piety: for by nature every imagination of the thoughts of man's heart is only evil continually (Genesis 6:5) and in that respect man is born like the wild ass colt (Job 11:12) so as a man were better be unborn than not taught piety.

3. The charge and office of parents binds them to teach their children piety: for they are by God made watchmen over their children: if therefore their children live and die in impiety through their parents' negligence, their blood shall be required at their parents' hands: instance the example of Eli.

Object. This duty appertains to ministers.

Answer 1. God has given an express charge of this to parents, as we heard before.

2. In the family a parent is all in all over his child: a King, a Priest, and a Prophet. Therefore that which a minister is to do for matter of instruction in the Church, a parent must do at home.

3 Children have need of daily instruction: the parents' pains in this kind must be added to the minister's: and both are little enough.

4. Parents having more familiarity with their children than ministers, must needs better know their capacity, and their disposition: and so may better know after what manner to instruct them: whether to give them milk or strong meat, whether to deal mildly or roughly with them.

5. Instructions from parents are commonly more kindly accepted than from others: and children will the better relish them, when they come from their parents. They say that a plant will best grow in the soil out of which it first sprung: so instructions coming from those who both brought us forth, and first brought us up, are like to do most good.

6. There is no such means to breed love in a child's heart, as to be an instrument of bringing piety into it. Now who should more seek the true love of a child than a parent? In this respect a parent is more bound to this duty than a minister.

7. It is impossible, that a minister, who, it may be, has many hundred children under his charge, should well instruct them all: It is therefore requisite, that each parent look to his own children.

As these distinct answers satisfy the objection, so they serve as so many more reasons to enforce the duty: therefore to proceed in adding other reasons,

4. Great equity there is that parents teach their children piety, because they conceived and brought them forth in iniquity. If they suffer them to lie and die in that corrupt estate, they are more cruel than the Ostrich and Dragon.

5. Children are most properly God's: born to God: he is the most proper parent of them: in comparison of God, fathers and mothers of the flesh are but nurses. They must therefore nurture them in the admonition of the Lord.

6. Piety is that, which of all other things, will make the child most obedient, and grateful to his parents: for thus there is a double bond to bind him: 1. his birth. 2. his new birth: especially when the cause of the one has been also the cause of the other.

7. Nothing can more settle the heart of a wise parent on his deathbed concerning his children, than assurance that piety is planted in them: for then may he with stronger confidence commend them to God's providence, and with greater assurance expect his blessing upon them after he is dead.

8. Parents, by teaching their children piety, are an especial means of propagating true religion from age to age, and from generation to generation. No better means can be thought of. For if all parents were careful of their duty in this kind, as there is a succession of children, and thereby a preservation of mankind, so there would be a succession of those that fear God, and thereby a preservation of true religion. My children that are taught by me, may be fathers of children, and so teach that to their children, which they have learned of me: indeed after them may grandchildren prove fathers of other children, and they teach their children the same, and so from age to age others after them. This is the means on our part: and in our time we must do our part: and for those who come after us, leave the issue to God.

Not only the great benefit of this point, but also the too much neglect thereof, in most families, has moved me the longer to insist on it, and the more forcibly to press it. For the better performing thereof, I will add some directions.

Section 35. Of directing parents how to teach their children true piety.

1. Whatever principle of piety parents do teach their children, they must be sure that it be grounded on God's word: thus much this phrase (admonition of the Lord) implies.

Thus shall parents be sure to feed them with good wholesome spiritual food, such as shall make for their spiritual nourishment and eternal life. In this respect principles of religion grounded on God's word are called sound, or wholesome, or healthful words: and that both in regard of their matter and substance, and also in regard of their effect; they cause and preserve good, sound, spiritual health. We know that natural men have a care to give their children such food as is wholesome for their body: (for will a father that is evil, give his child a stone, or a serpent, and not that which is good?) Conscience must move religious parents to have the like care of the souls of their children, as nature teaches all parents to have of their bodies. If parents be careful to draw those principles, wherein they instruct their children, out of God's word, they shall be sure not to poison their souls with any error, heresy, superstition, or idolatry.

2. When children begin to read, let them read the holy Scripture: so was Timothy trained up from a child (2 Timothy 3:15). Thus will children suck in religion with learning: for there is a secret virtue lurking in the holy Scripture (which is God's own word) more than in any books of men: so as through God's blessing there may by this means be an inward work of grace in children even in their young years. Besides, no books are more easy than many parts of Scripture; and no histories more admirable and delightful than the histories of the Scripture. It is the advice of an ancient Father, that young children be made acquainted with the words and names of holy Scripture: and that, in place of tales and fables, choice histories of the Bible be made known to them: and that they be instructed in the Proverbs of Solomon.

3. Let children be catechized constantly from day to day: rehearse them continually to your children, says the Law. That which is daily done is in Scripture said to be done continually: as the sacrifice which was daily offered was called a continual offering. Here let this caution be noted, that in giving this spiritual food, parents deal with their children as skillful nurses and mothers do in feeding infants: they will not at once cram more into their mouths than their stomach is able to digest, but they will rather often feed them with a little: so it is not meet that parents be too tedious; that will but dull a child's understanding, and breed wearisomeness, and make it loath to be again instructed: but precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, here a little, and there a little (Isaiah 28:10). Thus shall they learn with ease and delight: and this being often performed, in time a great measure of knowledge will be gained thereby. If a vessel have a little mouth, we use not to fill it by pouring whole pailfuls upon it, for so all may be spilled, and it receive little or nothing: but we let the liquor fall in by little and little, according to the capacity of the mouth; so is nothing lost, and the vessel filled the sooner. Thus are children to be dealt with.

4. To the set times of catechizing children, let other occasions of teaching them piety be added: as at table, by resembling the spiritual food of their souls to that bodily food whereby their bodies are nourished: when they are walking abroad, by showing them the stars, how they remain steadfast in their course; the trees, how they bring forth fruit in their season; how all things are for the use and benefit of man, and thereupon make spiritual uses. Note the direction which for this purpose the Law gives to parents: You shall talk to your children of my words, when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up (Deuteronomy 6:7).

5. Let parents open to their children the mysteries of those outward rites which God has ordained in his Church, as of Preaching, Baptizing children, administering the Lord's Supper, ceasing from work on the Lord's day, with the like. This was expressly commanded under the law. Visible rites are great helps to the weak understanding of children, when they are plainly opened and applied: indeed they are also special means of keeping in memory the mysteries contained under them: as coarse threads or wires are means to preserve pearls put upon them. So often as they see the rites they will be put in mind of the mysteries implied under them.

6. To this may be referred a declaration of such great and admirable works as God in former times has done for his Church: especially such works as have been done in their time: and if any memorials be remaining of them, make them known to children. This direction was also given under the law, concerning the monuments which were set up of the great deliverances that God gave to his people (Joshua 4:6, 21). In particular when the day of the gunpowder-treason is solemnized, parents ought to teach their children the occasion of solemnizing that day. And as God does any great works of mercy or of judgment, point them out to children. When there is great famine, plague, or any mortality, instruct children in the causes thereof: when victory, plenty, peace, or the like, teach children from where these come. Outward sensible things do best work upon children.

7. Let religious schoolmasters be chosen for children: likewise other masters to whom children are put forth: and religious houses where they are placed. Hannah commended her firstborn child to old Eli, a good, religious high Priest (1 Samuel 1:25). If masters themselves be religious, there is good hope that they will instruct in piety such as are under them: which if they do, what a help will that be to parents? If both parents and masters join therein, it must needs be very profitable to the children. If parents should fail, yet might masters make a good supply.

8. Let parents be to their children a good pattern and example in piety. "I and my house," says Joshua, "will serve the Lord" — he sets himself first as a guide to the rest. "I will walk in my house with a perfect heart," says David, whereby he would make himself an example, as to others of his family, so to his children. Example is a real instruction, and adds a sharp edge to admonition. Much more shall a religious parent do by practice than by precept. For children are much inclined to follow their parents: let them go before, children will soon follow after. Practice is an evident proof of the necessity of the precept delivered.

§. 36. Of Parents' faults contrary to their duty of teaching their children piety.

Many are the aberrations contrary to the forenamed care of teaching piety. For:

1. Most parents care only for the temporal and civil good of their children: so their children may be well fed and clothed, and brought up in some profitable calling, whereby they may well maintain themselves in this world, little thought is had, or care taken for their spiritual life in this world, or eternal life in the world to come. Wherein are these parents better than heathen? Job was otherwise minded: he was more careful for their souls than for their bodies.

2. Many are so far from teaching piety, as they teach their children profaneness, pride, riot, lying, deceit, and such like principles of the devil. It had been better for such children to have lived among wild beasts, than under such parents. As the children hereby are thrust headlong to hell, so their blood shall be required of their parents.

3. Others think it enough that their children be taught a religion, but what religion it matters not. Such are they as having rich kindred but popish, commend their children to the education of such kindred, in hope of some temporal benefit, that their children may reap from them. If they were as careless of their children's bodies, they would be accounted little better than murderers: and is not the soul more precious than the body?

4. So far are many from catechizing their children and that daily, as they teach them not so much as the Lord's Prayer, the Belief, and the Ten Commandments. Wherein Papists shall rise up in judgment against them, that are very diligent in teaching their children Pater noster, Ave Maria, and such like Latin principles, as the children cannot possibly understand.

5. Few use the forenamed outward helps, as the holy rites appointed of God, the great and glorious works of God, his extraordinary works of mercy or judgment, to instruct their children thereby. As they themselves care not to take notice of any such thing, so they care not whether their children do it or no.

6. So much do some prefer a little pelf before the true good of their children, as they care not to what schoolmaster they put their children, be he profane, or popish, or unlearned, especially if he be a kinsman, or one of their friends. Few will so do in case of their health or outward estate: but will rather get the best Physician, or the best Lawyer that they can. Children often learn such evil qualities of their schoolmasters as they can never shake off again.

7. Many prove very bad patterns to their children, and give very ill example by profaneness, riotousness, swearing, drinking, playing at unlawful games, etc. These parents as they brought forth their children in sin, so they lead them on forward to hell. Their evil example is not only a hindrance to the good instruction of others, but also makes all their own counsels (if at any time they do give any good counsel) to be in vain: for the left hand of evil example soon pulls down more than the right hand of instruction can build again.

To conclude, those parents whose children are not brought up in the instruction of the Lord, show plainly that they regard neither the salvation or damnation of their souls.

§. 37. Of instructing children as soon as they are capable.

Hitherto of the kinds of nurture. The time thereof follows.

In handling the time of good nurture, I will show | 1. When it ought to be begun. | 2. How long it ought to be continued | |

1. Parents ought to begin to nurture their children as soon as they are capable of any instruction. Even as young birds are taught by their dams to fly as soon as their wings can carry them. "Train up a child," says Solomon, that is, while he is young and tender: and again, "He that loves his child nurtures him early." Thus was Samuel sent when he was very young to be trained up under Eli (1 Samuel 1:24), and Solomon was instructed by his father when he was tender (Proverbs 4:3), and Timothy was taught the Scriptures from a young child, or infant (2 Timothy 3:15).

There are both privative, and positive reasons to press this point. Privative, in regard of the mischiefs that may be prevented thereby. Positive, in regard of the good that may be gained thereby.

1. Many are the evils which children by nature are prone to, even as rank ground is subject to bring forth many weeds: for the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth: and foolishness is bound in the heart of a child (Genesis 8:21; Proverbs 22:15). If therefore they be not well nurtured early, what can be looked for, but the fruits of evil, and folly. But timely nurture will prevent such fruits, and be an excellent preservative against their own natural corruption, against Satan's temptations and against the allurements or discouragements of the world.

2. Continuance in evil makes children obstinate, and inflexible therein. Eli's sons being suffered to go on in wickedness till they came to ripeness of years, would not afterwards listen to the voice of their Father. What creature can be tamed, if it be not begun with while it is young?

3. When children first begin to be capable of instruction they are most pliable to follow the direction of their parents as is evident by the ordinary course of nature in all things. Clay, wax, and such other things while they are soft receive any impression: twigs while they are tender are bowed any way: birds and beasts are easily tamed when they are young: corn sown early brings a timely and plentiful harvest.

4. That which in childhood is learned, is longest retained: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." A vessel longest keeps that savor with which at first it is seasoned: and by experience we may note old men best to remember the things which in their childhood they learned: indeed by well educating children from their infancy much labor may afterwards be spared: for constant use of virtue brings it to a law.

Object. To teach children while they are young, is but as to teach a parrot or such like unreasonable creatures: they may learn what is taught them, but they cannot conceive it.

1. Answer. Though children have not so deep an apprehension while they are young, as they have when they come to riper years, yet so soon as they are capable of instruction, they do much better conceive what is taught them, than unreasonable creatures can do.

2. Though that were granted, yet it would not thereupon follow, that it is better not to be taught while they are young. For, first it is better that they should be framed and squared to a good course, before they can discern between good and evil, than be suffered to run on in evil, till they get a habit therein; which after it is got, will hardly be cast off. Secondly, by teaching them before they can well conceive, their apprehension is much helped. What may be the reason that children of kings, and great men are commonly of more understanding at 12 or 14 years of age, than poor and mean men's children at 17 or 18, but that they are sooner, and better instructed? Thirdly, as by age their understanding comes to more and more ripeness, they will more and more conceive that which at first they did not so well understand. When scholars first learn their Latin rules, they learn them merely by rote, without understanding the meaning of them, but afterwards come to make very good use of them. Therefore children are to be instructed early even for the benefit that may be after reaped, as corn is sown in winter to reap the harvest following: and to prevent the mischiefs that may fall out, lest they get head over their parents against their mind.

Section 38: Of mothers' peculiar care in nurturing young children.

By the way let mothers especially note this point of timely nurture, as a point in peculiar appertaining to them. The grandmother Lois, and mother Eunice, first taught Timothy (2 Timothy 1:5; 3:15). Bathsheba taught Solomon when he was young (Proverbs 31:1). Often does Solomon warn children not to forsake their mother's teaching (Proverbs 1:8; 6:20).

Whereby he implies that mothers should teach their children especially while they are young: which duty so belongs to a mother, as Solomon lays the blame, and shame of the neglect thereof upon her: on the other side the honor of well nurturing children redounds especially to the mother. To this purpose is it, that the particular names of the mothers of the kings are recorded in Scripture: intimating thereby that mothers were a main cause of the piety, or impiety of such children. Solomon and Absalom had both one father, but different mothers. May we not well think that Solomon's mother's care to instruct him was an especial means of his piety: and that Absalom's mother's neglect of this duty, was some cause of his impiety? It is expressly noted of Ahaziah's mother, that she was his counselor to do wickedly, which made him so wicked as he was. Home-experience confirms as much: for if father and mother be of different religions, most of the children will follow the mother. For while children are young, their mother is most in their sight: she feeds, she apparels them, she tends them when they are not well, (when the Shunammite's child being ill, said to his father, my head, my head, he said to his servant, carry him to his mother.) Her precepts therefore and practice in that respect are best heeded by the children, and she has the best opportunity to persuade them to what she likes best: so as what they learn in their younger years, commonly they learn of their mothers: and that which then they learn, for the most part sticks most close to them, and is longest retained by them, as was noted before.

I have not thus in particular pressed this point upon mothers, as if I exempted fathers from all care of nurturing their children in the beginning: for in my text the Apostle named fathers: and Solomon says, that his father taught him even while he was tender: and David felt the smart of neglecting his other children. It is therefore (as has before been proved) a joint duty belonging to both. Fathers therefore must do their best endeavor, and see that mothers do theirs also, because he is a governor over child, mother, and all.

Section 39: Of letting slip the best time for nurture.

Contrary is the negligence of most parents, who let the best years wherein their children are most teachable pass over in wantonness, vanity, and folly: and so lose that which can never be recovered again, most precious time. Hence is it that when they go about to reclaim their children, they find them exceedingly perverse and headstrong: much like to a strong big arm of a tree, which if a man go about to straighten, he cannot easily make it bow: and though it bow, yet will it not continue to stand as he would have it: no, it may be that it will rather break than bow much. Such a branch was Adonijah. It is apparent that in his childhood he was not well nurtured, for his father would not displease him from his childhood (1 Kings 1:6).

The father's putting off this duty to the mother, and the mother's putting it off to the father, is a great cause of the neglect thereof. Were both of them persuaded that it belonged to them both, and in that respect would to their power be helpful each to other, children would much better be instructed.

Section 40: Of parents continuing to nurture their children.

As parents must begin betimes to nurture their children, so they must hold on therein, as long as they retain any government over them: indeed so long as they remain to be parents to them. Some difference there may be in the manner of performing this duty: for children are to be used as children: and they who are grown in years, and of riper understanding, accordingly to be dealt withal: yet still must parents have a care of their well doing. The word used in my text and translated Children, is a general word which in Scripture and other writers is used to set forth all sort of children, of what sex, of what age, of what degree soever they be. In handling the duty of children we showed, that children owed a subjection to parents so long as they lived together: therefore by the rule of relation, so long also an authority remains in parents over their children, and accordingly they ought to have a fatherly care for their good. On this ground Eli did well in admonishing his children after they were married: his fault was that he went not far enough in doing his duty: somewhat he did, but not all that he should and might have done. Job is commended for the care he had over his children when they were grown in years: for day by day he sent for them and sanctified them: and that after they had several houses of their own, and dwelt apart: and this all their days.

For the performance of that which is now urged, parents must so carry themselves from time to time towards their children, as they ever keep the reins in their own hands, and retain a power to curb their children as they see occasion. They may, as their children grow up in years, slacken the reins more and more, but never let them clean go, and cast them loose on their children's neck.

§41. Of parents' folly in letting go all their power over their children.

Contrary is their folly who put themselves in their children's power, and let go all their authority over them. Many parents that have thus done, having by woeful experience found the mischief and inconvenience that has followed thereupon, have much repented their folly, and used means of redress, but all too late. For a mischief is much more easily prevented than redressed. All the power that David had could not hold in Absalom after he was permitted to have horses, and chariots, and men at his command. If David, as he began, had continued to keep him within a compass, and still held him under, all the treasonable plots which he put in execution, might easily have been prevented. Our times afford too many examples of parents' folly in this kind, and of the mischiefs following thereupon.

Of the time of nurture thus far. The means thereof follow.

§42. Of adding admonition to instruction.

The means of helping forward the good work of nurture are especially two. 1. Frequent admonition. 2. Due correction.

Both of them are implied in this text: one in the word translated admonition, which (according to the notation of the Greek word) is a putting of a thing into the mind, an urging and pressing of it: the other in the word translated nurture.

Now both these are to be joined together, as being very helpful each to other. For admonition without correction is likely to prove but mere vanity: and correction without admonition will be too much austerity.

The duty which the first of these sets forth, is this,

Parents must often whet instruction upon their children: they may not think it enough to tell their children what they ought to do, but to instruction they must add admonition: and, as it were, beat into their children's heads the lessons which they teach them: that so they may make a deeper impression in their hearts. Thus shall their instructions be like the words of the wise which are as nails fastened, or fast knocked in: they remain firm where they are once fastened, and cannot easily be plucked out: for as many blows do knock a nail up to the head (as we speak) so many admonitions do settle good instructions in a child's heart, and cause that the heart be established in that which is taught, which is a thing to be labored after. The general exhortation of being instant in season and out of season may be applied to this purpose: but more pertinently that direction which is in particular given to parents of whetting God's words upon their children.

To this purpose is it that Solomon uses to double his instructions, and urge them again and again, as hear the instruction, forsake not the law: receive my words, hide my commandments within you: incline your ears, apply your heart, etc. Indeed he often repeats the very same precepts.

The apprehension of children is fickle, and their memory weak: if they be but once, or seldom, or slightly instructed, that which is taught will soon slip away, and do little or no good.

For the better performing of this duty, parents must think of the best means they can to fasten their instructions upon their children: and observe their inclination and disposition, and see with what they are most moved. Constant exhortations, and powerful persuasions are comprised under admonition, which in their kinds, as occasion requires, are to be used.

§43. Of parents' wearisomeness in instructing their children.

Contrary is the practice of those parents who soon grow weary in instructing their children. The Apostle lays it down as a general caveat in good duties that we grow not weary: if in no good thing we must grow weary, shall parents grow weary in doing good to their children? Yet how many be there that having once taught their children, think they have done duty enough in that kind: if their children will take it, they may. They are loath to take too much pains in often urging the points which they have taught them.

Thus that teaching vanishes away: and so it falls out, as we say in the proverb, as good not at all as never the better. This is one point wherein old Eli failed: for he gave very good instruction to his children: but because he there stayed, neither was that accepted of God as a sufficient discharge of his duty, nor were his children any whit bettered thereby. If this were a fault in him notwithstanding his children were come to years of discretion, and to ripeness of understanding, how much greater is the fault in those whose children are but young?

Objection. If a child take not instruction at first, he is but of an untoward and perverse disposition: all the pains that can be taken will be lost.

Answ. It may be childishness rather than perverseness, or some imperfection, rather than obstinacy. Considering the necessity of good nurture, no pains may be thought too much. There is more perverseness, and untowardness in such parents as wax weary in doing this duty, than in such children as at first are not wrought upon: for this is a means ordained of God to cure this untowardness.

§. 44. Of parents reproving their children.

The other means of helping nurture is correction.

Which is of two sorts; | Verbal, | by | Words. | Real, | | Blows. | |

The former is reprehension: and it must always go before the latter, which is most usually and properly called Correction.

Reprehension is a kind of middle thing between admonition and correction: it is a sharp admonition, but a mild correction.

It is the rather to be used because it may be a means to prevent strokes and blows, especially in ingenuous, and good natured children (for a reproof enters more into him that is wise, than a hundred stripes into a fool) and because it may be used, when it is not so meet to use strokes and blows: as when children are grown to manhood (Proverbs 17:10).

The many good fruits which the Holy Spirit notes to proceed from due reproof do show that it is a duty of which parents ought to make conscience as they desire to promote the good of their children: and so much the rather because many good fruits redound to the parents that reprove, as well as to the children reproved. In regard of their good who are reproved, it is said, Reproofs for instruction are the way of life (Proverbs 6:23): they cause understanding (Proverbs 15:32); and make prudent (Proverbs 15:5). In regard of their good who reprove, it is said, To them that rebuke shall be delight (that is, much comfort and matter of rejoicing, so as they shall not need to repent what they have done) and a blessing of good shall come upon them (Proverbs 24:25), that is, either a blessing of good men, who will bless, praise and commend them: or a blessing of good things, and that from the Lord who will reward them for this conscientious performance of their duty.

Upon these grounds holy men have not spared to rebuke their children as there was occasion (Genesis 9:25; Genesis 34:30; Genesis 49:4). Though Eli did somewhat in this duty, yet because he was not more severe therein, he brought destruction both upon himself and his children (1 Samuel 2:23; 1 Kings 1:6).

The direction noted §. 40. and 47. and Treat. 4. §. 35. may be here applied.

§. 45. Of parents cockering their children.

Contrary is their too much doting on children, who are loath to give them a foul word. David (though otherwise a very wise man) herein manifested much folly, for he displeased not Adonijah at any time in saying, why have you done so? and like enough it is, that also he so cockered his other rebellious son Absalom. Note the fearful issue that followed thereupon both to father and children. Though their father would not displease them, yet they cared not to displease their father, indeed to grieve his heart, and vex his soul. The like may all foolish doting parents look for at their children's hands. For first parents by neglect of this duty highly displease God: therefore in just revenge will God give their children over to displease and vex them. Secondly, neglect of reproof is a means to make children rude, presumptuous, rebellious, and so careless to please their parents. Indeed all things wherein children offend through want of education shall be required at their parents' hands.

§. 46. Of correcting children.

The latter and more proper kind of correction which is by stripes and blows is also a means appointed by God to help the good nurture and education of children. It is the last remedy which a parent can use: a remedy which may do good when nothing else can.

It is by the Holy Spirit both expressly commanded, and also very often pressed under these and such like phrases, Chasten your son: correct your son: withhold not correction from the child: you shall smite him with the rod (Proverbs 19:18; Proverbs 29:17; Proverbs 23:13; verse 14). Were there no other motive, this were sufficient. God's charge was such a motive to Abraham, as at it he would have sacrificed his son (Genesis 22:2-3): and will you not at God's command correct your child?

It is further commended by God's own example, which is not only set forth in some particular instances, but by his general constant dealing with all, and that as a special token and fruit of his love. For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives (Hebrews 12:6, 8). If you be without chastisement of which all are partakers, then are you bastards and not sons. Let this example of God be well weighed, for it is of great weight. Who can better tell what kind of dealing is fittest for children than God? Who can better nurture children than God? Who does more truly aim at, and procure the good of children than God? Indeed who does more tender children than God? If God the father of spirits in wisdom and love thus deal with his children, fathers of the flesh may not think by the contrary to show wisdom or love. Their wisdom will be folly, their love hatred. Upon these grounds it is taken for a thing granted, that parents (who tender the good of their children as they should) do chastise their children as need requires: for it is said, that the Lord corrects whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights (Proverbs 3:12). If parents used it not, this were no good inference to say, as a father: again, as a thing without controversy it is said, we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us (Hebrews 12:9).

The grounds of the equity of this duty, respect partly the children corrected, and partly the parents that correct. In regard of children, it frees them from much evil, and works in them much good.

Correction is as medicine to purge out much corruption which lurks in children, and as a salve to heal many wounds and sores made by their folly. In which respect Solomon says, that foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him: and again, The blueness of a wound is a purging medicine against evil: so do stripes the inward parts of the belly. In regard of the inward operation of this medicine, correction is further said to preserve a child from death, (if you beat him he shall not die) and that not only from temporal death (as many children are thus preserved from the magistrate's sword) but also from eternal death (you shall deliver his soul from hell.) Note this, you coddling parents, whose over-much leniency is very great cruelty. For may we not justly count him a cruel parent, that should suffer diseases, boils, sores, and wounds to remain, increase, and fester in his child, and give him no medicine, nor apply any plasters, or medicines to him? No, rather who sees his son running into a flaming fire, or deep water, and would not hold him back? Even so cruel, and more cruel are they, who suffer their children to run on in evil, rather than correct them.

Objection. Who can endure to make his own child smart, and to put him to pain?

Answer. The future fruit is more to be considered, than the present pain. Potions, pills, and caustics, are foul, bitter, and painful; but because there is a necessity of using them, and great mischief is prevented by the use of them, wise parents will not forbear them for the sensible bitterness, and pain. Fitly does the Apostle thus answer that objection, No chastening for the present seems to be joyous, but grievous; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness (Hebrews 12:11). This may be applied to parents' corrections as well as to God's.

The good which correction brings to children, is by Solomon noted in this and such like phrases, The rod gives wisdom (Proverbs 29:15): for it makes children observe, what is good, and what evil; what commendable, and what blameworthy: and accordingly to do the good, and leave the evil, which is a great point of wisdom.

Objection. Instruction will better do this.

Answer. Instruction may give them more knowledge, but it is correction which brings them to practice what they know, which is the chief point of wisdom (Matthew 7:24).

In regard of parents, due correcting of their children both frees them of many inconveniences, and also brings to them much quiet.

1. It spares them much pains. For many admonitions often repeated, and inculcated again and again, will not make many children so much to heed wholesome and good advice, as a little correction. They are much more sensible of smart, than of words.

2. It prevents much grief, shame, and vexation: for a foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her that bore him. But it is the rod of correction that drives away foolishness, and so prevents that grief and bitterness (Proverbs 17:25; 22:15).

3. It frees them from the guilt of their children's sin, so as they are not accessory thereto, as Eli was. For correction is the last remedy that a parent can use: if by that he can do no good, it is presupposed that he has done his utmost endeavor: in which respect, though the child die in his sin, yet the parent has delivered his own soul (1 Samuel 3:13).

The quiet which is brought to parents by correcting their children, is thus noted out by Solomon, Correct your son, and he shall give you rest, indeed he shall give delight to your soul (Proverbs 29:17). For children well nurtured, and by correction kept in a filial awe, will so carry themselves, as their parents may rest somewhat secure, and not disquiet themselves (as they do with children set at liberty) — indeed, as trees well pruned, and ground well tilled, they will bring forth pleasant and abundant fruit; and so their parents will have just cause to rejoice in them.

Section 47. A direction to parents in correcting their children.

For well using this biting caustic of correction, parents must have respect to the matter for which they do correct, and to their manner of correcting.

In regard of the matter, these three things must be noted.

1. That they be sure there is a fault committed: that so there be just cause of correcting: else more hurt than good will proceed from there. If a caustic be laid where there is no sore, it will make one. If correction be unjustly given, it may provoke to wrath, but will do little good. This is it wherein earthly fathers are taxed, and made unlike to God, for that many times they correct after their own pleasure: which is a point of great injustice (Hebrews 12:10).

2. That the fault be made known to the child corrected: and he apparently convinced thereof. Correction must be for instruction, which cannot be, except the child know why he is corrected: for it is all one to him, as if he were corrected for no fault, if he know not his fault. God thus first proceeded with the serpent, with Eve, and with Adam (Genesis 3:11, etc.). Thus judges proceed in punishing malefactors. Indeed thus will men deal with a dog. Should they not much more with a child?

3. That the faults be such especially, as the parents can show to their children (if at least they be of so much discretion) to be against God's word; as swearing, lying, pilfering, and the like: for 1. these are most dangerous faults, and therefore more carefully to be purged out. 2. the child corrected will thus be the better convicted of his fault, the more condemn himself, and more contentedly bear the correction.

In regard of the manner of correcting, four general, and four particular rules are to be observed.

The general rules are these.

1. An eye must be had to God's manner of correcting his children, and in particular of God's correcting the parent himself: no better general direction can be given: for God's pattern is a perfect rule.

2. Prayer must be made by parents for themselves and for their children: for themselves, to be directed in doing it: for their children, to be bettered by it. Thus will good physicians in administering medicine. In all duties is prayer to be used; especially in this: for a parent is ready, partly through his own intemperate passion, and partly through the child's impatience, to fall into one extreme or other. This is not to impose upon all, whenever they take up the rod, to go and make a solemn prayer, but to lift up the heart for direction and blessing.

3. Correction must be given in love. All things must be done in love: much more this, that carries a show of anger and hatred. In love they will give physic to their children, and splint a joint, if need be. God corrects his children in love: so must parents. Love will make them do it with tenderness and compassion.

4. Correction must be given in a mild mood, when the affections are well ordered, and not distempered with choler, rage, fury, and other like passions. Disturbed passions cast a mist before the understanding, so as a man cannot discern what is enough, what too much. When passion is moved, correction must be deferred. God corrects in measure.

The particular rules are these.

1. Due order must be kept. Correction by word must go before correction by the rod. I rebuke and chasten, says the Lord. Thus a parent will show that he takes no delight in smiting his child: it is necessity that forces him to it. Thus a parent shows himself like to God, who does not punish willingly (Lamentations 3:33). Physicians, when they administer strong physic, will give a preparative: rebuke may be as a preparative. Good and pitiful surgeons will try all other means before they come to lance and sear.

2. Due respect must be had to the party corrected: if he be young and tender, the lighter correction must be used. Solomon often mentions a rod, as most appropriate for a child; for that is the lightest correction. So if the child be of a flexible and ingenuous disposition, soon snapped, the correction must accordingly be moderated. If he be well grown, and withal be stout and stubborn, the correction may be more severe.

3. Due respect must be had to the fault: sins directly against God, open, notorious, scandalous sins, known sins, sins often committed, in which they are grown up, and of which they have gotten a habit, are with greater severity to be corrected.

4. A parent must behold his own faults in correcting his child's: so more compassion will be wrought in him.

§. 48. Of parents too much indulgency.

Contrary to this duty of correcting are two extremes. 1. Too much leniency. 2. Too much severity.

Many so coddle their children, as they will suffer them to run into any misdemeanor, rather than correct them. They cannot endure to hear their children cry: and therefore their children must be pleased in all their humors and evil desires. These parents bring shame to themselves, and mischief upon their children: for God is often forced to correct such. Heavy are God's corrections: and often light on parent and child both: as appears by the judgment on Eli and his sons: for such parents make themselves accessory to their children's sins: indeed also to the judgments laid upon their children. God says of such parents, that they honor their children above God. It is therefore a fond indulgency which makes parents regard neither God's honor, nor their own or children's safety.

Mothers for the most part offend herein, who are so far from performing this duty themselves, as they are much offended with their husbands if they do it. And to proclaim their folly to all the world, they cannot commit their children to a tutor or schoolmaster, but with a strict charge, that they correct them not.

Objection. Correction makes children sots and blocks.

Answer. If God's Spirit deserves to have more credence than such foolish women, that objection is most false, for we heard before how correction gives wisdom, and drives out foolishness.

2. Objection. Mothers may be the more borne with herein, because with long trouble they did bear, and with great travail bring forth their children.

Answer. That may be a good motive for them to seek the true good of their children, that so their trouble and travail may not be in vain: but not to uphold them in the broad way that leads to destruction.

§. 49. Of parents too much severity in correcting their children.

They who offend in the other extreme of severity, of the two are the more unnatural parents; they offend directly against the first branch of this text (Provoke not to wrath). Nothing more provokes than immoderate severity: for

1. It argues no love in the parent, but rather hatred, at least wrath, and other such like distempered affections.

2. It softens not the child's heart, but hardens it rather.

3. It makes him dull, and stupid, and clearly perverts the right and true end of correction.

4. It often makes a child think of doing some mischief to his parent or himself.

That parents may the rather take heed of this extreme, I will briefly note wherein excess in severity is shown.

It is shown, when correction is given

1. For no fault. In this case, though correction be never so light, it is too severe.

2. For small faults, in wrath and fury, though the stripes be few and light, yet the parent's behavior is too much severity.

3. To children that are young and tender, or soft, mild and ingenuous, as if they were in some years, the most obstinate and perverse that could be.

4. Too often: for every thing done amiss: whereas parents should seem not to see or hear many things which they see, and hear.

5. Too sorely: so as the child is lamed, or some way so hurt as he shall feel it as long as he lives.

§. 50. Of parents' care in providing fit callings for their children.

Having laid down such duties of parents as especially respect the childhood of children, I proceed to lay forth such as have respect to their riper years wherein they are to be placed forth.

Here we are to note | 1. The kinds of those duties. | 2. The means of performing them. | |

The kinds may be drawn to two heads.

1. Providing fit places and callings for them to exercise their gifts.

2. Providing fit marriages for them.

We heard before how children were to be trained up, and fitted to some good calling even in their childhood. Now further, when by virtue of good education they are enabled to discharge the functions and duties of a calling, and by years they are well grown up, so as it is time they should be set to some particular calling:

Parents ought to provide fit callings for their children, and fit places for them to exercise the gifts which by nature or education they have gotten. For example, if children have been brought up in learning, parents must use what lawful and honest means they can to settle them in such a place and course as they may profess and exercise their gifts, according to their several kinds, be it Divinity, Law, Physics, or the like: or if they have been brought up in any trade, to provide that they may set up (as we speak) and exercise their trade. The two first children that ever were born of woman, Cain and Abel, were placed forth in several callings; and without doubt their places were so ordered by their parents. The like may be gathered out of these phrases, Esau was a man of the field, and Jacob dwelt in tents. It is noted of Samuel, that he made his two sons Judges. Had they been as faithful in well using their places, as their father was careful in providing them, they might have lived well themselves, and done much good to others. Jesse having many sons, had a care hereof: for he sent his three eldest sons to the war; and placed them in a soldier's course of life: his youngest he made a shepherd, which was in those days and places a calling of greater reckoning than now it is with us.

1. Thus shall they make use of that ability to which by their parents' providence, and their own diligence they have attained: otherwise that ability may soon be lost. Does not daily experience show that many who have been well trained up by their parents in learning, so far as they have been fit to have entered into the ministry, for want of place and employment, have in time so forgotten all, as if they had never been trained up in learning: and so in other sciences.

2. Thus come they to do much more good in Church or Commonwealth: till men be placed in distinct callings, they are but fitting and preparing for future times. I deny not but that both Church and Commonwealth may reap much benefit by the pains and labor of the younger sort, who are trained up under others: but most properly are they counted members of the Church and Commonwealth, and actual instruments of the good thereof, who have some particular distinct calling, whereby they do good to others.

3. Thus they come to live of themselves, and to be able to relieve others also. All the time of their education, they are commonly at the charge of others: at least, though by their pains they may gain much, yet the gain returns to others: they themselves for the most part have but a bare maintenance, meat, drink and cloth (as we say:) little have they to lay up for themselves for the time to come, or to give to others for the present.

4. They thus come to train up others against after times, as they themselves have been trained up: whereby a continual and perpetual succession of all kinds of callings, is from time to time preserved: and thus Family, Church, and Commonwealth upheld and maintained. In short time would all callings and functions utterly decay, if a continual supply were not thus made.

§. 51. Direction for parents in providing callings for their children.

Two especially important cautions are to be observed by parents in providing callings for their children.

1. That such callings be provided as their children have been trained up to, and are in some measure fitted and enabled to perform the duties thereof: as to provide a minister's place for him that has been brought up in learning and studied divinity: so in other callings such, as their children may be their crafts-masters therein. Thus shall their children do the more good therein, both to others and themselves. Bezaleel and Aholiab were chosen to build the tabernacle because they were filled with wisdom to work all manner of work: likewise the servants of Hiram were chosen to hew cedar trees for the temple, because among the Jews there were not any that could skill to hew timber, like the Sidonians. Pharaoh was careful to have men of activity rulers over his cattle.

2. That such means be used for providing a calling as parents in using them may with faith call upon God for his blessing. They that by lawful means are brought into a calling to which they are fitted, are set therein by God, as is implied by this phrase, as God has called every one, etc. A lawful entrance into a calling is a matter of great moment: he that so enters may in a right use thereof cast himself upon God's blessing, and with strong confidence expect the same, saying as the Prophet did, Lord, I have not thrust in myself, you know.

§. 52. Of the extremes contrary to a parent's lawful care in providing fit callings for his children.

The extreme in the defect contrary to a parent's provident care in providing a fit calling, is, a careless neglect of children after they are well educated, a leaving them to shift for themselves. It is noted of the ravenous fowls that have sharp talons, that as soon as they perceive their young ones to be able to fly, they will flap and beat them with their wings, and drive them out of their nests, and after that take no further care of them. We may not be like such cruel birds: reason and religion teach us otherwise. Good education is a good duty, but not a parent's whole duty: the stay which is here made, may make all the former care and pains to be of little use.

Objection. This is to be left to God's providence.

Answer. Means rightly used are subordinate to God's providence, and by them does God manifest his providence and bring his counsel to pass: to neglect means is to thwart and cross the divine providence. It is therefore well done to rely on God's providence: but ill done to neglect the means of effecting it. God's blessing is best discerned in the use of means.

The extreme in the excess is a preposterous greediness in parents to bring their children to a calling. This is manifested two ways.

1. When they care not how fit their children be for the place, so it be a place of gain and honor. Experience shows that this is the bane of church and commonwealth. Hereby it falls out in the politic body, as it would in a natural body; if the hand should take upon it to see, or the leg to hear, or the foot to taste, what could from there be expected but ruin to the body? Tradesmen often undo themselves, their families and friends, by undertaking such trades as they have no skill in, or of which they are not crafts-masters. The more excellent the calling is, the more mischief is done by this greedy preposterousness. This extreme is so much worse than the former, as it is worse to do much hurt, than no good.

2. When they make no conscience of the means which they use to bring their children into callings: but by unlawful means purchase their desires: as, by simony to procure an ecclesiastical function (from where often follows also perjury) or by bribery to procure an office.

These indirect means take away difference between fitness and unfitness of persons: for the unfittest that be may by money purchase a place. Besides, though children be never so [illegible] for these callings, yet there is little hope of any blessing from God, when the first entrance is without him: indeed against his will and word. Who can think that God has placed such a one in his place? If God has not placed him, with what faith can he seek a blessing? With what hope can he expect a blessing? Much terror is by this means brought to many men's conscience: and they are often in a great strait, not knowing whether it be fittest for them to retain, or relinquish the place.

But by the way to resolve that doubt, if one that has unlawfully entered be fit for the performance of his place, it is then safest for him to seek pardon for the former offense, and reconciliation with God, and upon true and unfeigned repentance to hold the place (if at least the law under which he lives establish him therein) and be so much the more faithful in the discharge of the duties thereof.

§53. Of parents' care in providing fit marriages for their children.

God has further laid a charge upon parents to provide marriages for their children: for thus says the Prophet in the name of the Lord to parents, Take wives to your sons, and give your daughters to husbands (Jeremiah 29:6): and thus the Apostle, If any man thinks that he behaves himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let them marry (1 Corinthians 7:36). This direction was given in times of persecution, when by reason of the present necessity it was better not to marry: if then a parent ought to be careful (need requiring) to provide a marriage for his daughter, much more ought he in times of peace. Holy parents commended by the Holy Ghost have been careful in performing this duty, as Abraham (Genesis 24:4), Isaac (Genesis 28:2), Naomi (Ruth 3:1), and others: indeed Hagar had learned this duty in Abraham's house (Genesis 21:21). But the perfect pattern (which surpasses all other examples) is of God himself, who provided a fit match for his son Adam (Genesis 2:18; Luke 3:38).

1. Children may not marry without consent of parents, (as was before showed) Parents therefore must be careful in time to provide for them.

2. Parents are to children in God's place: they must therefore take upon them this care of God.

3. Marriage is the means which the Lord has sanctified to preserve our bodies chaste and undefiled: as parents therefore desire to keep their children from uncleanness and pollution, they must take care that this means be used. Not only holy Apostles, but also heathen Philosophers, and that by the light of nature, have found this to be the fittest course.

4. This also is a means as to increase the commonwealth, and preserve a holy seed, and to erect new families, so to continue parents' own houses and name.

§54. Direction to parents in providing marriages.

Two cautions are to be observed of parents in providing marriages for their children.

1. That the match which they provide be meet: so said God when he was about to provide a match for Adam, I will make him a help meet for him (Genesis 2:18). Therefore the match provided must not be too near of kin, of a contrary religion, of too unequal an age, of too great disparity in estate. These things will hinder love, and cause disdain and hatred of one another.

2. Though the match may seem meet in the parents' eye, yet he may not force his child thereto. Could a fitter match have been found out for Rebekah than Isaac? Yet Rebekah's friends asked her consent. I deny not but parents may use all manner of fair means to move their children to yield to that which they see good for them: but if they cannot move them to yield, to refer the matter to God, and not against their children's minds to force them. When God had made a most meet match for Adam, he brought her to the man: namely to see how he would like her. For the nearest bond of all is between man and wife; a man must leave father and mother, and cleave to his wife; man and wife must always live together: great reason therefore that at the first joining them together there be a mutual liking of one another, lest ever after there be a perpetual dislike: and though the authority of parents ought in this case to be inviolable, yet a middle course is so to be held, as the parties may willingly with a mutual consent join themselves together.

§55. Of the extremes contrary to parents' care in providing fit marriages for their children.

The extreme in the defect is, when parents carelessly let their children pass the flower of their age: and never consider whether need require that they should marry or no. Their children may sit long enough before they seek out a match for them, unless it be brought to them: and when one is offered though it be never so fit, yet except they may make an advantage thereof to themselves, they will hardly yield to it. Thus they make their children to seek out marriages for themselves, and without their consent to make them up: or else to live in discontent, if not in uncleanness. By the carelessness of parents in this respect are children often made a prey to the devil: whereof at the day of judgment parents shall give an account to God.

The extreme in the excess is, when parents through a covetous desire to get great and rich matches for their children, marry them before they be of years of discretion to like or dislike, to know what is meet or unmeet; or able to perform even the essential duties of marriages: seldom do such unlawful marriages prosper.

In a like excess do they offend who for outward advantages match their children to such as by nature are unfit for marriage, to idiots, to idolaters, to profane persons, or they care not to whom. And if their children like not these matches, they will do to the utmost of their power what they can to force them to it. Many mischiefs ordinarily fall out upon such marriages, as utter dislike between husband and wife, continual complaining one of another, inquiring after divorce, or any other separation, wishing, indeed practicing one another's death. To all these mischiefs do parents, the cause thereof, make themselves accessory.

Section 56. Of parents providing a stock for callings and marriages of their children.

An especially outward means whereby parents may be the better enabled to provide fit callings and marriages for their children, is, before hand to lay up some stock, or competent portion for their children. This is comprised under that general provision, of which he that is careless is counted by the Apostle worse than an infidel: but more expressly is it noted in these words, Parents ought to lay up for their children: and commended in Abraham's example (1 Timothy 5:8; 2 Corinthians 12:14; Genesis 25:5-6).

While children are under their parents they have no means to lay up for themselves: for all their service is for their parents. But in regard of the times in which we live, it is needful for setting up in a good calling, and for obtaining a fit match, that children have some stock and portion. It lies therefore upon the parents, and their duty it is to provide it.

Objection. Christ forbids laying up treasures on earth.

Answer. If the scope of that place be rightly marked, it will appear that Christ there forbids not simply the thing itself, but

1. The mind of him that lays up: namely when it is filled full of fretting, and distrustful thoughts: fearing that in the time to come he shall not have sufficient. To this purpose does Christ propound God's providence over fowls and lilies (verse 26, 28).

2. The manner of laying up, when temporal things are preferred before spiritual and heavenly: therefore he adds this precept, but lay up treasures in heaven, etc. (verse 20).

3. The measure, when men never think they have laid up enough: but scrape what they can come by justly or unjustly; and spare more than needs, even things necessary, from themselves and others, to make a great stock and portion for their children. The word of treasuring up (which Christ there uses) implies an immoderate measure.

Among other needful cautions for parents to be observed in laying up for their children, these three are especially to be noted.

1. That justly they come by that which they lay up: and lay nothing toward a child's portion which is any way unjustly gotten; for the treasures of wickedness profit nothing: they may prove a fire to consume parents themselves, their children, their house, and whole posterity (Proverbs 10:2).

2. That they covet not too much to make their children rich, and for that purpose live meanly and basely themselves, indeed and deprive themselves of many necessaries. An egregious point of folly is this, which Solomon has much taxed (Ecclesiastes 5:12).

3. That all needful duties of charity to the poor, and of justice to the Church and commonwealth be performed, and pretext of laying up for children hinder none of these.

Section 57. Of the extremes contrary to a parent's providing portions for his children.

The extremes contrary to the forenamed duty are these:

1. When parents live at the utmost extent of their estate, and from time to time spend all their revenues or all their gains, and so are scarcely able to make even at quarter day, or year's end. What stock or portion can they lay up for children?

2. When parents live above their estate, and spend riotously their ordinary gains, or revenues, and for other necessary affairs are forced to run into debt. Many are so far from helping their children in this kind, as they are a main hindrance to them, urging their eldest son especially who is their heir, to be bound for them, and so lay such a burden on his back, as (to use the common phrase) they make it crack again.

3. When parents have enough for themselves and their children, and yet so covetously dote upon their wealth, as they will not bestow a groat to help them in calling and marriage, but say they keep all for them. What a wretched and foolish disposition is this, that they should still lay up more and more for their children, and yet refuse to bestow any part thereof upon them in their greatest need, when it might redound to their greatest benefit? God often meets with such covetous misers, and crosses their purposes, by making strangers to enjoy that which they greedily hoarded up.

Section 58. Of parents' last speech to their children.

The last duty which parents owe to their children, is, when they cease to be parents: that is, when they are going out of this world. Their duty at that time in general is to do what lies in them, that it may go well with their children after their departure. Both the reasons which are often urged by the Holy Ghost, to stir up parents to yield obedience to God, taken from extent of God's blessing (in this kind of phrase, Blessed shall their children be after them) and God's promises made to that purpose do prove as much (Proverbs 20:7; Deuteronomy 5:29).

For the better performing of this duty, three general points, tending both to the temporal, and also to the spiritual good of children, are to be observed: and two particular points most tending to their temporal estate.

The three generals are these. 1. Good direction. 2. Faithful prayer. 3. A wise choice of some friends to be as parents to them.

1. For direction. When parents observe their time to draw near, they ought to commend some wise and wholesome precepts to their children, the better to direct them in their Christian course. So did Isaac, and Jacob (Genesis 28:2, 4; Genesis 49:1, etc.).

Objection. These Patriarchs had an extraordinary spirit of prophesying, and by virtue thereof foretold their children things to come.

They sustained a double person: one of a prophet, another of a father: as prophets, they had an extraordinary spirit; as parents, they performed ordinary duty: by their extraordinary spirit, they foretold things to come: the ordinary duty which they performed, was to direct their children how to carry themselves in those times to come. For their prophecies were not only predictions, but also instructions, to direct and teach them what to do. What they did by an extraordinary spirit in extraordinary things, we must do in ordinary duties by the ordinary spirit of understanding and wisdom which the Lord gives us. But the direction which Isaac gave to Jacob, when he sent him to Laban, was no extraordinary prophecy: nor that which David, when he was old, gave to Solomon: and again, when he lay on his deathbed. Now these things are thus written for our imitation. And great reason there is to imitate those holy men in these things.

1. The words of a dying parent are commonly most regarded: his last words do make a deep impression (this do the brethren of Joseph press upon him). If ever therefore there be a time seasonable for a parent to give good instructions to his children, then is the time when parents are clean departing from their children.

2. Thus shall a parent manifest his true affection, and earnest desire of his children's good: for now they cannot think that he seeks his own ease, and profit, more than their good: as at other times some will be ready to say of their parents' instructions and admonitions, Our parents know what is good for themselves.

That the last words of parents may be the more seasonably and profitably delivered to their children, they must note, on the one side, what evils their children are most prone to, what temptations they are most assaulted with, what snares they are most like to fall into; and on the other side, what virtues and graces are most needful for them, and wherein they fail most, and accordingly they must order and frame their last words. Note for a pattern herein Isaac's counsel to Jacob, when he sent him to Laban, and thought he should never see him again: and David's to his son Solomon.

§. 59. Of parents' last blessing to their children.

2. Concerning the prayers of parents for their children, I noted it before to be a general duty never to be omitted: yet here in particular I mention it again, because a parent's blessing consists therein especially: and then is the most proper time for parents to bestow a blessing on their children, as Isaac, Jacob, David, and others did. Let parents therefore as they commend their own souls into God's hand, so commend their children to God's grace and blessing. God's providence is a good inheritance: many children do thereby exceedingly prosper, though they have but small outward means; whereas others that have great means used for their good, come to ruin; God's curse following them. Now no such means can be thought of to procure God's blessing, or to withhold his curse, as the faithful prayers of parents for their children; especially when parents are leaving their children, and going to God.

§. 60. Of parents' care to commend their children to some faithful friends.

3. The third general point of making choice of some faithful friends to commend their children to, is especially on behalf of such as are not of sufficient age and discretion to look to themselves, or to those weighty affairs which belong to them. The friends, which in this case are made choice of, ought to be such as the parents themselves by good experience have found to be honest, wise, faithful, and loving to them and theirs; whom parents are to set in their own place for the good of their children. This means did David use when he was old on behalf of his son Solomon. Many children have found much help thereby. Such may make a good supply of the departure of parents. These are so much the more needful, by how much the more unstable, and unbridled youth is; and by how much the less able children are to help and guide themselves.

§. 61. Of parents' neglect of their children for the time to come.

Contrary to a parent's providence for the good of his children after his departure, is the carelessness of parents for the time to come. They think the world is gone with them when they are gone, and therefore they will take no thought for the future times that shall be after them; as if it were enough for every one to look to his own time. There may seem to be more self-love in such parents than love of their children, in that their care determines with their own time, and extends not itself to the time and continuance of their children. Hence is it, that not a word of direction and exhortation comes out of their mouths to their children when they are departing, no blessing that they will leave behind them, no friends shall be deputed by them, to be as parents to their children. Let God provide, say they. But where there is a referring of matters to God's providence, without the use of those means which God has warranted and commended by his word, there can be little hope that God should take care of that which is so commended to him. Such men do not in faith depend upon God's providence, but make the very name thereof a pretext to cast off that care, which God as a bound duty requires of them. As there is little love of their children in such parents, so there is less zeal of God's glory: for a parent's care of his children's welfare, especially of their continuing to fear and serve the Lord after their own departure out of this world, is a special means of preserving God's fear in the world, and propagating it from age to age: so as this neglect is a greater fault than many are aware of.

§. 62. Of parents making a will before they die.

The two particular things to be observed by parents for manifestation of their provident care over their children for the time to come, even after their departure, especially in regard of their temporal estate, are these, 1. That they make a will. 2. That they leave their estates to their children.

1. It has been an ancient commendable practice both among God's people, and others also, that have been guided with common civility, when they who have any estate, wax old, or sick, and have any occasion of expecting death offered to them, to make their last will and testament. This is set forth in the Old Testament under this phrase (Put your house in order). A duty it is expressly commanded by God: and that not without good reason.

A parent's will is an especial means to settle peace among children after his departure, and to make them content with that allowance which he has set out to them, because by the will they know it was their father's pleasure they should have such and such a portion. If controversies should arise, yet a will is a means for the law speedily to determine the same without any tedious and chargeable suits: for the Apostle takes it for a ruled case, that no man disannuls or adds anything to a man's testament (Galatians 3:15).

After a parent has made his will, he may the more quietly settle himself for heavenly contemplations, and preparations to death: and think of such good instructions as are most fit to give as his farewell to his children: and the more willingly expect the moment of his dissolution: and the more patiently submit himself to the very stroke of death.

In performing this duty, a man must both observe a fit time, and also take good advice. The fit time is while his understanding is good, and his memory perfect: so as he may call to mind his debts, what he owes, and what is owing to him: as also what goods he has to bestow, and with discretion and wisdom order his estate. And because through the cavils which many unconscionable lawyers and others are likely to make, his true meaning may be perverted, it is fitting to have the advice of such as can in distinct words and phrases so express his meaning, as they shall be free from exception. Matters of weight are wisely to be managed.

§. 63. Of neglecting to make a will.

Contrary is the daily practice of too many parents who are not willing to make any will at all: or else on vain hope that they may live longer, and when they are sick, upon conceit that they may recover, or at least longer continue to enjoy the use of their understanding and memory, put off the making of their will till it be too late: and so die without will, or make such a will as ministers more matter of suit, than if they had no will at all; either because doubt is made whether he that made it had his understanding and memory or no: or because his will is so abrupt and ambiguous, as his meaning cannot be known. The mischiefs that follow these neglects are many. As 1. Discredit to the party deceased. 2. Contentions among his surviving children. 3. Wasting a great part, if not his whole estate, in suits of law. 4. Defeating many creditors of their due debt.

The reason which makes many to put off the making of their will is a foolish conceit, that if a man's will be once made, then he must needs die out of hand. But what ground have men for any such conceit? If sickness grow upon a man, so long as his will is unmade his mind is unsettled, his mind being unsettled, the physic that is administered to him cannot so kindly work; so as his death may be the more hastened for not making a will. Besides, if his speech fail before his understanding, the thought that then he shall die without a will may so perplex him, as his departure will be very unquiet and troublesome.

§. 64. Of parents leaving their estate to their children when they die.

It was before showed that parents were to lay up a portion for their children against their entrance into a calling, and marriage: there is a further duty required when they are going out of the world, namely that they leave their whole estate to their children. (Where I say whole, I exempt not works of charity, nor payment of debts, which is a point of justice, but I include more than is given as portions or stocks in their life time.) That estate especially which parents have received from their progenitors are they most bound to leave to their children. It is expressly recorded that Abraham gave all that he had to Isaac. God's law did provide for this among the Jews: for a man might not sell his land to cut it off from his posterity. This was it that made Naboth refuse to sell his vineyard to Ahab, as his answer implies, God forbid that I should give the inheritance of my fathers to you: because it was the inheritance of his fathers, that is, he had received it from them, he thought it unlawful to deprive his children of it. This phrase (if children, then heirs) takes it for a granted truth that children have a right to their parents' estate: and if they have a right to it, they may not be defeated thereof.

God gives wealth to parents but for their lifetime: in which time they are but as guardians to God's children, and are accountable to God: so as they have not an absolute power to do with it what they will, but according to the directions of the great Lord and Master they must use it, reserve it, and leave it.

For this end parents must order their manner of living according to that portion which the Lord has appointed to them, and by his providence bestowed upon them; they must (as it is said in the proverb) cut their coat according to their cloth. Of the two it is much better for parents to live under, than above their means. Provided that they neglect no duty of charity, or justice: nor through miserableness and niggardliness carry themselves unbecoming the place wherein God has set them, and estate which he has bestowed upon them. He that lives somewhat under his means, has opportunity to lay up portions for other children (if he have many) and to reserve his inheritance entire to his eldest (beside many other good works of charity as God shall offer occasion) which he that lives above his means cannot do.

§. 65. Of the inconveniences which improvident parents bring their children to after their death.

Contrary to this branch of a parent's providence, are many courses of improvident parents: For

1. Some parents lavish and squander out all their estate in their own lifetime, making it to determine in their persons. Unworthy they are to receive any inheritance from ancestors. Their fault is double.

1. In spending prodigally above their estate.

2. In wronging their children, and depriving them of their right: for particular persons succeeding one another are but as various links of a continued family, which are by God's providence added one to another: this chain is not to be broken at any man's pleasure; but for the preservation thereof, that which has been received of the predecessors, must be left to the successors.

2. Others leave their estate to their children, but so encumbered with debts, bonds, recognizances, and statutes, as their children were better be without it, than have it. For the having it makes them live at an answerable rate, and brings many burdens upon them: besides, the debts wherein they stand obliged make them as servants to their creditors: and in time they must be forced to sell all, or as captives lie in prison.

3. Others though they deal not so hardly with their children, yet they deal too hardly by peeling and polling their inheritance as much as they can: they will not forbear to make any present gain that they can, though it tend never so much to the prejudice and damage of their children after them: as they who cut down all the timber and wood that they can, and take out all the heart of their land.

4. Among these may be reckoned such parents as by mere negligence suffer things to go to decay for want of timely reparations: whereby it comes to pass, that such damages as in the parents' time might have been prevented with laying out a few shillings, cannot be renewed with many pounds.

5. Such also as care not in their lifetime to clear the titles of those things which they leave to their children: but leave all things so unsettled and litigious, as it often costs children more in suit of law to maintain the inheritance which their parents leave them, than the inheritance is worth: and yet after all their pains and cost lose the inheritance too: whereas the parent that knew more than the child can, might with small pains and charge have well settled and cleared all.

These are mischiefs that many children have been brought into by the improvidence of their parents: which are the rather to be made known, that such as come after, may prove the more provident for their children.

§. 66. Of parents' impartial respect to all their children.

Up to this point we have discussed parents' duties. The persons to whom those duties are to be performed are distinctly to be considered.

The parties to whom parents are to perform all the forenamed duties are expressed under this word (Children) which has not any special respect to priority of birth, to constitution of body, to affection of parent, or any such thing, as if first-born, proper, beautiful, darling, or the like children were only meant, but all that are begotten and born of parents, all their children are meant. From this I observe, that parents ought to have an impartial respect to all their children, and perform duty indifferently and equally to all. We have for proof hereof God's pattern, who accounts all his children dear or beloved children. The Greek word translated dear is very emphatic: it is properly attributed to an only child: the seventy that translated the Hebrew Bible into Greek, do with this word interpret that phrase, Only Son: for where in Hebrew it is thus said to Abraham, take your son, your only one, they thus translate it, take your son, your dear one, or your beloved one. Other Greek authors do so attribute the same word to an only child, indeed also and to an only eye: as when a man has but one eye they call it a beloved eye. This word then shows that God so respects all his children, as if all were but one, all a first-born, all a darling child. So rare a virtue this impartial respect is (rare in the excellence of it, rare also in the scarcity of it) as throughout the Scripture I can scarce find a perfect pattern thereof among the sons of men. Many may be given of the contrary, as we shall after hear. But the more rare it is, the more we must labor after it, that so we may resemble God's fatherhood.

1. All our children come from our own substance and bowels. Why then should we respect one child above another, more than we do one eye, or one ear above another? We are as tender over one as over another, though it may be we have more use of one than of another.

2. All our children are alike committed to us by God: the same precepts and directions given for all alike: the like account to be given for all. If a King should commit many of his children to one nurse, would not he be offended (and that justly) if she should put such a difference between them, through a foolish partiality, as to respect some, and neglect others?

§. 67. Of parents preferring a dutiful child before a disobedient child.

Object. What if one child be more pious to God and parent, another more rebellious, may not a parent respect that more than this?

1. Answ. He may take notice of their different carriage, and accordingly reward the one, and punish the other, and yet carry an equal desire of doing good to both of them alike: for the punishing of the rebellious child is a parent's duty; an evidence of love, and a means of doing him good.

2. Answ. It is no partiality to like grace and goodness in a child, and for grace and goodness sake to love his child so much the more, as also for impiety and obstinacy in rebellion to have his heart the more alienated from his child: this is rather a virtue in a parent. Partiality is when on by and undue respects one child is preferred before another.

§. 68. Of the prerogative of the first-born son.

Quest. May not a parent prefer his first-born child, and heir before his other children?

Answ. We must put difference between a father's disposing his estate upon his children, and the ordering of his affection towards them. A parent's affection, and care of good education, and desire of true good, and faithful prayers to God, may be as great towards his younger children, as towards his eldest son and heir, and yet may he bestow the greatest patrimony upon the heir: which is no partiality.

2. Quest. Is it then just and equal that the eldest son should have a greater patrimony than any of the rest?

Answ. It is most just and equal. For

1. God has so appointed it: indeed he made this to be one of the prerogatives of the first-born, to have a double portion. Upon this ground Joseph, who was the first-born of the true wife, had a double portion; and as a testimony thereof his posterity made two tribes.

2. The laws of all nations do order as much.

3. Our law gives the whole inheritance of freeholds to the eldest son: in which respect it is due to him. For in civil and temporal matters this rule is true, we live by law. I take it to be a matter of conscience for a parent to leave that to every child which by law is due to him. Neither is it without good reason that the law ordains that a parent's whole estate of freehold land should descend: for

1. There is an excellency in the firstborn, as is evident by Jacob's speech to his eldest son, you are my firstborn, my might, and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity, and the excellency of power (Genesis 49:3). And thereupon God took the firstborn as peculiar to himself (Exodus 13:2).

2. Houses and families by this means are upheld and continued from age to age. How needful it is for the establishment of a commonwealth that families should thus be continued, is evident both by experience to all such as have but half an eye to see wherein the stability of a commonwealth consists, and also by the many laws which God ordained among the Jews for this purpose: as

1. That no land should be quite cut off from a family (Leviticus 25:23).

2. That if any through poverty were forced to sell his land, the next of kin was to buy it (verse 25).

3. That if a man that had sold his land could by no means redeem it again, at the year of Jubilee he was to have the possession of it again (verse 28).

4. That if daughters were heirs they should not marry out of their father's tribe: and this reason is given, that every man may enjoy the inheritance of his fathers (Numbers 36:8).

Objection. By leaving the whole inheritance to the eldest, he may be made a gentleman, and all the others beggars.

Answer. In this respect parents ought to be so much the more provident for their other children, in training them up to callings, or laying up portions, or settling other estates upon them beside the main inheritance, or in taking order that competent portions be raised out of the inheritance of the eldest son, in case God takes them away before they have otherwise provided for their children.

Out of this answer may a third reason be gathered, to show that it is a beneficial law for the commonwealth that the heir should have all the land. For this law makes parents more careful in training up their younger sons to various callings which are profitable to a commonwealth. If every child should have a part of his father's lands, they would all so depend thereupon, as none of them would exercise themselves to such callings as are means of men's maintenance.

Section 69. Of parents' partiality towards some children.

Contrary to the aforementioned duty of a parent's equal respect to all his children, is partiality in fathers and mothers, manifested various ways. For

1. Many parents have their darling children, to whom so much affection is shown, as in comparison none is shown to others. When some are hugged in the bosom, others are neglected as if they were none of their own, but basely born. The unnaturalness of the eagle is noted in this kind, that she flaps and drives out of the nest one of her young ones, and feeds only the other as her own. From such partiality in parents proceed many mischiefs: as these,

1. They give occasion to such as observe it, to suspect that those children who are so little respected are none of their own.

2. They cause envy, malice, and much contention to arise among children. When Joseph's brothers saw that their father loved him more than all of them, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably to him (Genesis 37:4).

3. They provoke God to inflict some judgment on those children that are so coddled and preferred before the rest: that so they may the better see their folly.

This sin of parents' partiality is so much the greater, when upon outward respects they prefer the wicked and ungodly children before pious and gracious children. Isaac failed greatly in this, for he loved Esau (a profane wretch) because he did eat of his venison (Genesis 25:28; Hebrews 12:16).

2. Other parents so set themselves to raise their house, as all their care is to advance their eldest son, by education, by liberal allowance, and by leaving all they have to him: and in the meantime neglect their younger children. Though (as was noted before) the main inheritance may justly without show of partiality be left to the heir, yet to be careful only for him, and to neglect the others, savors strongly of partiality. It is most agreeable to natural reason, that as life is given to all children, so means of maintaining life should be given to all.

3. In the number of partial parents may they be reckoned, who unjustly disinherit their firstborn. For the inheritance of right belonging to them, and they not deserving to be disinherited, assuredly it is some by-respect or other which makes parents prefer the younger before the elder: and this is plain partiality. This kind of partiality is commonly in such parents as have had children by several wives. Sometimes dislike of a former wife makes a father dislike the children he has by her, and through dislike to disinherit the heir by her. God gave the Jews an express law against this kind of partiality (Deuteronomy 21:15 and following).

Sometimes again a grasping seeking of advantage to themselves makes parents disinherit the right heir: as when a man after he has buried the mother of his firstborn, hearing of another woman which is of great wealth, makes suit for her. She refuses because he has an heir of a former wife. He to remove that block enters covenant to make the son which he has by her (if he has any) his heir: whereupon the marriage is consummated: his second wife brings forth a son: he for his covenant's sake disinherits the first heir. An unjust and unlawful practice.

Section 70. Of the causes for which the firstborn may be disinherited.

Question. May not then a firstborn son be disinherited?

Answer. Yes, the Scripture notes two causes wherein the firstborn may be put from the inheritance.

1. If he be illegitimate: for such a one has no good title: The son of the bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, says Sarah, and that justly. To like purpose say the sons of Gilead's wife to Jephthah, You shall not inherit in our father's house, for you are the son of a strange woman (Judges 11:2). Just was that blame which Jotham laid upon the men of Shechem for making Abimelech the base son of Jerubbaal king (Judges 9:18): and just was God's vengeance upon them for that wrong done to Jerubbaal's legitimate children.

2. If he be notoriously wicked. Thus Reuben for committing abominable incest lost his birthright (Genesis 49:4; 1 Chronicles 5:1).

Many particular crimes are reckoned up by the civil lawyers, which would be too long here to recite.

§. 71. Of the duty of fathers and mothers in law.

The extent of this title (Fathers) is in the last place to be considered. Not only natural parents themselves, but also all that are in their place are comprised under it. As they who are in the place of parents, 1. By the bond of marriage. 2. By propinquity of blood. 3. By voluntary appointment.

The first sort are fathers and mothers in law: who are so reckoned either by the marriage of parents themselves, or by the marriage of their children.

That man or woman which is married to a parent that had children before their marriage, is in the place of a natural parent: thus Joseph was a father to Jesus, and Keturah a mother to Isaac. So again the natural parents of that son that has married a wife, or of that daughter that is married to a husband, are in the place of parents to the wife of their son, and to the husband of their daughter. Thus Jethro was a father to Moses, and Naomi a mother to Ruth.

All these are to account their children in law (that is, the children of their husband and wife, or the wives of their sons, and the husbands of their daughters) as their own natural children, and according to the age and place of these children to perform the forenamed duties, and every way to seek their good (except in such duties as after a peculiar manner belong to natural parents, as nursing to a natural mother, leaving the inheritance to a natural parent).

For a pattern hereof take the forenamed examples of Joseph and Naomi. What natural parents could do more for their own children than Joseph did for Jesus, and Naomi for Ruth? The history notes how Joseph took care to have his wife's child circumcised, and presented in the temple: how he fled from place to place to preserve the child's life: how perplexed he was when he thought the child was lost: how he trained him up in his own house. The history also notes how Naomi brought Ruth her son's wife into her own country, and retained her with herself, and directed her where to go, and what husband to have, and became a nurse to her child.

1. Marriage makes man and wife one flesh: in which respect they ought to have one mind, and the same affections, as mutually each to other, so jointly to the children of each other. On which ground also the husband and wife of a child, being one flesh with the child, ought as the child to be respected. On this ground God counts the saints his dear children, because they are espoused to his natural son.

2. To respect the children of a husband or wife as their own, is a great evidence of entire love to the husband and wife. And to respect the husband and wife of a child is a great evidence of love to the child itself. If the world's proverb holds true (love me and love my dog) how much more true is this Christian rule, love me and love my child: or love me and love my husband: or love me and love my wife.

3. This also is an especially effective means to kindle and preserve mutual love between man and wife, who have children of former husbands and wives: as also between parents and children.

§. 72. Of the perverse carriage of fathers and mothers in law to their children.

Contrary is the carriage of most fathers and mothers in law: especially of those who are married to husbands or to wives that had children before marriage: so far they are from performing the forenamed duty, as rather they envy at the prosperity of their husbands and wives' children: and secretly endeavor to hinder it in what they can: and cunningly seek to alienate the natural parents' affection from them: from where fearful tragedies have been made, and lamentable mischiefs have followed. What other reason can be given hereof but a plain instigation of the devil, who thus labors to disunite those whom God has joined together? For avoiding this snare note the mischiefs that follow from there.

1. Such parents sin against God's ordinance: and as Eve, lean more to Satan's suggestion than to God's direction.

2. They alienate the hearts and affections of one from another: not only from their children, but from themselves.

3. They provoke their children in law to contemn and despise them, and to yield no duty to them.

Hence note into what a hell unkind fathers and mothers in law do cast themselves. If this were duly weighed, I think they would be otherwise minded. But the god of this world does so blind their eyes with self-love, and with envy, that they cannot see the mischiefs into which they plunge themselves.

This is a point the more to be weighed, because the fault here condemned is so common, and has in all ages been too common. What grievous complaints have in former times been made, and still are made by children against fathers and mothers in law? From where also direful imprecations have followed. Let widowers and widows that have children seriously think of it beforehand: and be the more circumspect in taking a second or third husband or wife: and after they are married let them take heed of Satan's snares: and let conscience of duty prevail more with them, than corruption of nature.

§. 73. Of the faults of parents to their children's husbands and wives.

Many parents to the husbands and wives of their children do also much transgress and swerve from their duty: for

1. They will show much more respect to their own children than to the children of their husbands or wives: as by coming to their daughters when their husbands are abroad, and never but then: and sending for their sons to their house, but not for their wives.

2. In all differences they will take part with their own children, though it be in the worse part, and show great partiality.

3. They will often give very ill counsel: advising their sons to keep their wives short: advising their daughters not to be too subject to their husbands, yes, privately to purloin from their husbands.

4. If they live with their children, they will so pry into every thing that their children's husband or wife does, and show such suspicion and jealousy in every thing, as they cannot but cause much discord: and hence it often comes to pass, that either parent and child, or husband and wife must be parted: they cannot all in peace live together.

These faults I thus note, that they may the more carefully be avoided.

§. 74. Of their duty who are in stead of parents to orphans.

The next sort of those who are in stead of parents, are those who in blood and kindred are next to parents: as grandfathers, grandmothers, uncles, aunts, elder brothers, or sisters, their husbands or wives, and cousins.

These commonly are counted to be in the place of parents, when God takes away natural and immediate parents from their children: so as they are parents to orphans.

The duties which were prescribed to natural parents appertain to them (except before excepted.) Their duty is to see these orphans well educated, well placed in some good calling, well married, and (if the orphans be left destitute of means) well provided for.

Mordecai is a worthy president and pattern for this kind of parents. He brought up Esther his uncle's daughter (for she had neither father nor mother) he took her for his own daughter: when she was taken from him, he went to know how she did, and what should become of her: and he gave her advice from time to time how to carry herself. Let such as are parents to orphans take this example as a direction, and as a motive to perform the other duties prescribed to natural parents as need requires, and occasion is offered.

God by his providence taking away natural parents commits their orphans as a charge to the next of kin: that as their natural parents brought them forth, these should bring them up: therefore for their recompense let them look to God, (who takes upon himself to be a father of the fatherless) and for their encouragement remember the reward which Mordecai received of the Lord: indeed also let them remember the blessing that God bestowed upon Esther. God does often so bless the means used for the education of orphans, as they who take the care thereof have no cause to repent their pains and cost, but rather have much matter of comfort, joy and thanksgiving.

§. 75. Of the common neglect of orphans.

Too too common is the contrary disposition of most kinsmen, and kinswomen; they think they are bound to none but their own children, and if they have no children, to none at all. Many are of Ruth's kinsman's mind, they fear to mar their own inheritance. Though they be themselves exceeding rich, and spend much in apparel, pastimes and housekeeping, yet they can suffer the orphans of their poor kindred to want, and to beg for need.

This is it that makes the loss of natural parents to be so much the greater. And herein many Christians are more inhumane than the heathen: which the Apostle implies, where he says, they are worse than infidels: for orphans' next of kin are to be reckoned among those whom the Apostle terms a man's own.

§. 76. Of the duty of Guardians.

The last sort of those who are in place of parents, are such as have the charge of children committed to them by voluntary appointment of parents, or are chosen by children themselves, or by the magistrate when parents are dead, or lunatic, or any other way impotent, and unable to train up their own children.

Of these care and conscience is rather required, than cost and charges: for commonly both their charges are allowed, and their pains recompensed.

They who by reason of the death or impotency of natural parents have the charge of children committed to them, are commonly called Guardians: of whom two general duties are required.

- 1. That they look to their pupils' good education. - 2. That they preserve their patrimony and inheritance.

For their education, the directions given before to natural parents are to be observed by them.

For preservation of their patrimony, they must do for their pupils what they would do for their own children; and so carry themselves, as with good conscience they may give that account to their pupils, or any other, which the law requires.

The two forenamed duties, are the [reconstructed: main] ends for which Guardians are chosen: in performing whereof, if they be faithful, great redress will be made of the untimely death of parents; and notwithstanding parents die before their children be of discretion to manage their estate, yet will their houses and families be maintained, and young heirs kept from cunnie-catchers and cheaters.

It is noted of John, who had the mother of Jesus commended to him, that he took her to his own home: whereby is implied his provident care for her good.

§. 77. Of the fraud of Guardians.

Contrary is the practice of most Guardians, who take pupils for their own advantage, and make a prey of them. The heathen could say, that Guardianship is to be performed for the benefit of the pupil, and not of the Guardian. Yet among Christians is the forenamed fault of Guardians.

1. There are few children (that have not natural parents to look to their good education) but are exceedingly neglected therein, and brought up very rudely and licentiously: indeed many times too sparingly and niggardly for diet, apparel, and other needful things, though they have sufficient to discharge all that shall be laid out upon them.

2. The main estate and patrimony of many pupils is much impaired: and if they have lands, as much waste is made upon them as possibly can be: and when a reckoning is to be given, it shall be a large, unjust, and most unconscionable reckoning of the Guardian can but get a general release, it is all that [reconstructed: he cares] for.

3. Marriages are [reconstructed: often] forced upon many pupils: and such matches put upon them as they cannot like; indeed such as are no way fit for them, neither for estate, nor years, nor proportion of body, nor qualities of mind.

Little do these Guardians think of that account to which they shall be brought another day before the Lord, who styles himself the helper of the fatherless, and who beholds mischief to requite it. Fearful is that judgment which the Lord has threatened against those that oppress the fatherless. Let not therefore unjust Guardians think, that the gain they get wrongfully from their pupils shall prosper: but rather let them look for God's curse upon their own children, and goods.

If such as parents themselves have upon their death-beds committed their children to, in confidence of their faithfulness, shall deal deceitfully with their pupils, their sin is doubled, and trebled. For 1. They violate the bond of friendship, faithfulness, and trust reposed upon them. 2. They sin directly against justice. 3. Most monstrously they transgress the rules of charity.

§. 78. Of the duty of Schoolmasters and Tutors.

Among those who are by voluntary appointment set in the place of parents, are Schoolmasters and Tutors to be reckoned. The authority and charge of a parent is for a time committed to them: therefore for that time they ought to perform a parent's duty.

Their duty is appropriated to education: it appertains not to them to maintain the children committed to them: they are rather themselves by their pains that way maintained.

All the duties which were before comprised under nurture, belong to Schoolmasters and Tutors. More particularly they are to instruct children in three things. 1. In learning. 2. In civility, and good manners. 3. In true piety, and religion.

I shall not need to speak more of these points than has before been delivered: only to provoke them to be diligent in well nurturing children in those three points, let the benefit of good schoolmasters and tutors be well noted.

Schoolmasters commonly cast the first seed into the hearts of children: they first season them: as the seed is, such will the crop be: as the first seasoning is, so will the savor continue to be. If they sow no good seed at all, what harvest can be looked for? If they sow a corrupt seed of rudeness, licentiousness, profaneness, superstition, and any wickedness, the crop must needs be answerable thereto. But if they sow the good seed of learning, civility, and piety, there is great hope of a good crop.

Hence it follows that they are of great use, and may bring much good, not only to the children themselves, and their parents, but also to the Church and commonwealth. Julian the Apostate was not ignorant hereof: and therefore endeavoring to root Christianity out of the world, he suffered no man that professed himself a Christian, to teach a school: but in place of Christian schoolmasters, he set up in every part of his dominions, heathenish schoolmasters.

Tutors, to whose government young scholars, that are sent to the universities, are committed, have to deal with children in their riper years; even when the time of settling them in a course is come: the very time wherein much good may be done to children, or else wherein they may be utterly perverted. There will be little hope of bowing them, and drawing them into another course after they be freed from the government of a tutor. Tutors therefore, as they have need of great wisdom, so of good conscience, that they may have the greater care of their pupils, and take the greater pains in teaching them the three forenamed points, learning, civility, and piety. A good tutor may do much to repair the negligence, and amend the defects of a schoolmaster: but there remain none to redress the failings of a tutor: children for the most part are past redressing, when they cease to have a tutor.

Section 79. Of the negligence of schoolmasters and tutors.

The vices contrary to the forenamed duty of schoolmasters are these.

1. Unskilfulness. Many that are more fit to be taught than to teach, take upon them this weighty calling. Some have not sufficient learning: some again are rude, and know not themselves good manners: and some know not the first principles of the oracles of God. No good can be expected from these.

2. Covetousness. All that many seek, is to multiply the number of their scholars, and to get as much as they can for boarding, and teaching: they aim more at their own gain than at their scholars' profit. Children are not likely to thrive well under them.

3. Negligence. Many are loath to take the pains of a schoolmaster, and thereupon come as little into the school as they can: take every small occasion to be gone again: care not how much their children play: if they be able to hire a poor usher, all the burden shall be cast upon him. Little is that fruit that can be looked for from them.

4. Want of piety. Many skillful and diligent schoolmasters, under whose teaching children come forward exceeding well in learning, think it nothing appertains to them to teach the grounds of religion, so as they altogether neglect piety. Assuredly they want it themselves: for were their own hearts seasoned with true piety, their consciences would move them to teach it to their children. The things of the kingdom of God are like to leaven, which seasons the whole batch of dough with that season and savor which it itself has. When children spend almost all their time with their schoolmasters, of whom should they learn it, if not of them? What blessing can be hoped from the pains of such schoolmasters?

I might to these add the over-much remissness of some (whereby children get too great a head) and the too great severity of others, either in frequency of correcting, as if they delighted therein; or in the measure thereof, as if they had to do with beasts, whereby they affright children, make them dull, indeed and impudent also. But these extremes were before handled.

The common fault of tutors is altogether to neglect their pupils. Many think a tutor to be a mere titular matter: no more to be required of them but to bear the very name; and to undertake that the college be discharged for their pupils' diet. This conceit, and the practice answerable to that, is the blemish and bane of the universities. Many children well trained up in schools, utterly lose the benefit of all their former education when they are sent to the university, because their tutors altogether leave them to themselves: and so they are made a prey to idle and lewd companions. By reason hereof many parents are utterly discouraged to send their children to the university.