Treatise 2, Part 1: Of Husband and Wife

§. 1. Of those who may seek to be married.

Having in the former treatise laid down the foundation of all domestic duties, by expounding the words of the Apostle, I purpose now distinctly to lay them forth in order: beginning with the first and chiefest couple in the family, Man and Wife.

Here we are first to speak of the persons who are to be accounted true and lawful husband and wife: and then of the duties which they owe each to other.

So as this Treatise consists of two parts. 1. The first declares, who are man and wife. 2. The second notes out those common mutual duties which they owe one to another. First of the first.

Husband and wife are they who are rightly joined together by the bond of marriage. Whereby two are made one flesh.

For the better clearing of this point, we will consider both the parties that may be so nearly joined together, and also the manner how they are rightly joined in so firm a unity.

About the parties we are to search, 1. Who may seek a mate for marriage. 2. What kind of mate is to be taken.

1. All they who are able without inevitable danger to their yoke fellow to perform the essential duties of marriage, may be married.

Out of this proposition arise three questions to be discussed. 1. Who are to be accounted able? 2. What danger is inevitable? 3. Whether marriage be free for all but such?

§. 2. Of ripeness of years in them that are to be married.

1. They are to be accounted able who have past the flower of their age, and are not by defect of nature, or any other occasion made impotent.

1. Ripeness of years is absolutely necessary for consummating a just and lawful marriage: therefore as God at first, made Adam of full age, so when he sought out a wife for him, he made her of full age too: he made her a woman, not a child. Where the Apostle advises parents to take care for the marriage of their children, he puts in this proviso, if they pass the flower of their age. Childhood is counted the flower of age. While the flower of the plant sprouts, the seed is green, unfit to be sown.

Quest. How long lasts the flower of age?

Answ. The civil law, and common law also, set down twelve years for the flower of a female's age, and fourteen, of a male's; which is the least: for before those years they can have no need of marriage, nor yet are well fit for marriage, so as if they forbear some years longer, it will be much better for the parties themselves that marry, for the children which they bring forth, for the family whereof they are the head, and for the commonwealth whereof they are members. Note the ages of the Kings of Israel and Judah when they were first married, and we shall find few of them to be under twenty, and those few, not above one or two years under: and yet of all sorts of people the Kings did use to marry the soonest, that so they might have heirs betimes.

Obiect. Solomon was but a child when he came to the crown, and yet he had then a child of a year old at least.

Answ. He was said to be a child not simply, but comparatively, in relation to his other brothers which were elder than he, and in regard of that great work he was to undertake. In the time of his reign he is said to be old: which could not be if he had been in years a child when he began to reign: for he reigned but forty years.

2. Obiect. Ahaz was but twenty years old when he began to reign, and reigned but sixteen years, and yet when he died Hezekiah his son was twenty-five years old, by which computation Ahaz had a child when he was but eleven, or twelve years old at most.

1. Answ. Some say that this was extraordinary, and render this reason, Ahaz so young a father as Elizabeth an old mother, should have hoped in Emmanuel of a virgin.

2. Answ. The beginning of that reign when Ahaz was but twenty years old, is to be referred to Jotham his father; for Ahaz was twenty years old when he (namely Jotham) began to reign: as Jehoiachin was eight years old, when he (namely his father Jehoiakim) began to reign: for Jehoiachin was eighteen, when he himself began to reign.

Obiect. Jotham was but twenty-five years old when he began to reign, how then could Ahaz his son at that time be twenty?

Answ. Jotham was twenty-five years old when his father Uzziah was struck with leprosy, from which time he reigned as King even in his father's lifetime. But after his father was dead, the kingdom was established to him alone after a more solemn manner; in which respect it is said that then he began to reign: and then was his son Ahaz twenty years old, Jotham himself being about forty.

Contrary to the forenamed fitness of age is the practice of such parents, or other friends of children, as make matches for them in their childhood, and move them to consent, and so cause them to be married: such marriages are mock-marriages, and mere nullities. For children cannot know what appertains to marriage, much less can they perform that which is required of married persons: their consent therefore is justly accounted no consent, unless they do ratify it after they come to years.

§. 3. Of impotent persons that ought not to seek after marriage.

2. They are to be accounted impotent, and in that respect unable to perform the essential duties of marriage, who (to use the Scripture phrase) were born eunuchs from their mother's womb: or by any accidental occasion are so made: as they who are defective, or closed in their secret parts: or taken with an incurable palsy: or possessed with frigidity, or any other such like impediment.

These ought not to seek after marriage: for by those signs of impotency God shows that he calls them to live single.

Contrary to this manifestation of God's will do they sin, who conceal their impotency and join themselves in marriage, whereby they frustrate one main end of marriage, which is procreation of children; and do that wrong to the party whom they marry, as sufficient satisfaction can never be made.

§. 4. Of barrenness, that it hinders not marriage.

Quest. Are such as are barren to be ranked among those impotent persons?

Answ. No, there is great difference between impotency and barrenness.

1. Impotency may by outward sensible signs be known and discerned, barrenness cannot: it is not discerned but by want of child-bearing.

2. Impotent persons cannot yield due benevolence: but such as are barren may.

3. Impotency is incurable: but barrenness is not simply so. Many after they have been a long while barren have become fruitful: and that not only by an extraordinary work of God above the course of nature (as Sarah and Elizabeth, with whom by reason of age it ceased to be after the manner of women) but also by such a blessing as might stand with the course of nature, being obtained by prayer (as Rebekah and Hannah) of which daily experience gives good evidence: for many after 10, 15, 20, and more years of barrenness have brought forth children.

On these grounds many saints, who have been barren, have married, and their practice therein not disallowed, nor their marriage dissolved. For though procreation of children be one end of marriage, yet is it not the only end: and so inviolable is the marriage bond, that though it be made for children's sake, yet for want of children it may not be broken.

§. 5. Of that inevitable danger which hinders marriage.

3. They who are infected with such contagious diseases, as diffuse themselves into those who have society with them, and infect them also, ought not to seek after marriage: for that cannot but turn to the danger of the party with whom they marry. It was for mutual good one of another that God ordained the law of marriage; to use it to the hurt and danger of one another, is against the main end of the first institution.

The law of shutting up a leper from all society with men proves as much; for if lepers might not have mutual society with any man, much less might they have matrimonial society with a wife or a husband.

By contagious diseases not only both the parties which company together will be infected, but also their issue: by which their disease which otherwise might die with themselves, is propagated to their posterity. A like restraint may be applied to such foul and loathsome diseases, as make the company and society of that person, who is infected therewith, irksome, and odious to their companion.

Contrary to the end and use of marriage do they sin, who conceal such diseases, and so join themselves in marriage, to the unanswerable prejudice of the party whom they marry.

§. 6. Of the lawfulness of marriage to all sorts of persons.

Where there is no such just impediment as has been before mentioned, it is lawful for all sorts of people of whatever calling or condition to marry. For marriage is honorable in all, or among all, namely in, or among all sorts of people: upon which it is accounted a doctrine of devils to forbid to marry. For it is a doctrine contrary to God's word, and a doctrine that causes much inward burning, and outward pollution, and so makes their bodies, which should be temples of the Holy Spirit, to be sties of the devils.

The disease, for the redressing of which marriage is sanctified, is a common disease which has infected all sorts of people: why then shall not the remedy be as common?

In this case the Apostle says indefinitely of all, without exception of any, to avoid fornication let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. And again, If they cannot contain let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Objection. There be eunuchs which have made themselves eunuchs (that is, have abstained from marriage and lived in a single life continently) for the kingdom of heaven's sake.

Answer. That is spoken of some particular persons to whom the gift of continency was given: not of any distinct conditions, and callings, as if all and every one of this or that calling had so done or were able so to do: upon which Christ adds this clause, He that is able to receive it, let him receive it, and the Apostle to the same purpose says, every one has his proper gift of God.

Contrary to this necessary and warrantable liberty, is the impure and tyrannical restraint of the Church of Rome, whereby all that enter into any of their holy orders, are kept from marriage.

Do they not herein tempt God by putting a yoke upon men's necks, which neither our fathers nor we are able to bear? No such restraint was ever enjoined by God's word to any of those holy functions which he ordained: for under the Law it was lawful for high Priests, ordinary Priests, all sorts of Levites, and extraordinary prophets, to marry: and under the Gospel, for Apostles, Bishops, Deacons, and all ministers of the word. Fearful have been the effects of this diabolical doctrine: as fornication, adultery, incest, sodomy, buggery, and what not? Many wives put from their husbands, because their husbands were ministers, and many ministers put from their calling because they had wives: many children by this means basely born, and among them many in their infancy cruelly murdered. Six thousand heads of infants were found in the ponds of a religious house. How many more thousands have been from time to time cast into other ponds, or buried in gardens, or other places, or other ways conveyed out of sight? Devilish must that doctrine needs be, which has such devilish effects. Well did he wish, that wished that all they who cannot contain, would take heed how they do rashly profess perfection, and vow virginity.

§. 7. Of the things which are absolutely necessary to make a person fit for marriage.

They who have power to marry must be careful in choosing a helpmeet for them: for this was God's care when first he instituted marriage. To make a helpmeet for marriage, some things are absolutely necessary for the very essence or being of marriage; others, necessary for the comfort and happiness of marriage.

In regard of the former sort, there must be chosen,

1. One of the same kind or nature: for among all the creatures which were made, there was not found a helpmeet for man: therefore God out of his bone and flesh made a woman of his own nature and kind.

Contrary to this is the detestable sin of buggery with beasts, expressly forbidden by the law. A sin more than beastly: for the brute beasts content themselves with their own kind: monstrous it is in the kind thereof: and a cause of abominable monsters. Contrary also is that copulation which witches have with devils: than which none more unnatural, none more prodigious and odious.

2. One of the contrary sex: the male must choose a female: the female a male. Thus God having made Adam a male, made Eve a female, and joined them in marriage. A conjunction of these different sexes is only fit for increase of mankind, and other marriage duties.

Contrary are those unnatural commixtures of parties of the same sex: which the Apostle reckons up as judgments inflicted on the heathen, because they changed the truth of God into a lie, and worshipped, and served the creature more than the Creator.

3. One beyond those degrees of consanguinity and affinity which are forbidden by the law of God: these degrees are expressed by Moses (Leviticus 18:6-7, etc.) and explained in a table of the degrees of consanguinity and affinity within which none may marry, appointed to be hung up in every Church.

Contrary is incest, a sin not only forbidden by God's word, but so horrible even to the heathen as (to use the Apostle's words, (1 Corinthians 5:1)) it is not so much as named among the Gentiles. Excellently is that censure verified by the heathen orator's pathetical exclamation against one Sassia who married her son-in-law, in these words: O incredible wickedness of a woman, not heard of in any age but this! O unbridled and untamed lust! O singular boldness! Not to fear the power of God, and fame of men! Etc. Lust, impudence, madness, overcame shame, fear, and reason.

What may we now think of the dispensations which the Pope gives for incestuous marriages, allowed to great Princes even by the Tridentine council? Does he not therein show himself to be that man of sin, who opposes and exalts himself above all that is called God?

4. One that is free: not married, nor betrothed to another: the law of marriage notes thus much in this clause, They two shall be one flesh. And in that the law inflicts the same punishment upon the person which being betrothed commits uncleanness, that it does upon a married person, it is evident that it is unlawful to marry one betrothed to another, as well as one married to another. So firm is a contract, as the law calls a betrothed maid, a wife: and a betrothed maid might not be put away without a bill of divorce.

Contrary is Bigamy, and Polygamy, whereof before: to which head may be referred marriages with such as have been espoused to others before. These are utterly unlawful.

Section 8. Of the lawfulness of other marriages after one of the married couple is dead.

Question 1. Are they who have buried their husband or wife so free, as they may marry again?

Answer. Indeed, as free as they who were never before married. The law does not only permit a widow to marry again: but if her husband died before he had any children, it commanded the next kinsman that was living and free to marry her, that he might raise up seed to his deceased brother: which if he refused to do, a penalty of ignominy was inflicted on him: the rejected widow was to remove his shoe from his foot, and to spit in his face in the presence of the Elders. The Apostle expressly says that a woman, when her husband is dead, is at liberty to be married (1 Corinthians 7:39): indeed speaking of young widows he further says, I will that they marry (1 Timothy 5:14). This liberty which the Prophet of God, and Apostle of Christ grant to a wife, can by no show of reason be denied to a husband: for the bond of marriage gives them a like power over one another's body (1 Corinthians 7:4), and knits one as inviolably as the other (Matthew 19:6). Husbands therefore as well as wives have used this liberty, as Abraham (Genesis 25:1). The Apostle that gives this liberty renders a reason thereof, taken from the limitation of that time wherein married persons have power one over another, and that is the time of this life only: For the woman which has a husband is bound by the law to her husband, so long as he lives: but if the husband be dead she is loosed, etc. (Romans 7:2). On this ground all the reasons which warrant or move such as never were married, to marry, may be applied to them that by death have their yoke-fellow taken from them.

Question 2. May this liberty be extended any further than to a second marriage?

Answer. We find no restraint from a third, or fourth, or more marriages, if by the divine providence so many wives, or husbands one after another be taken away while there is need for the surviving party to use the benefit of marriage. The woman of Samaria that had five husbands one after another, is not blamed for being married to so many, but for living with one (after the others were dead) that was not her husband (John 4:18). Neither did the Lord condemn that woman which was said to have had seven husbands one after another (Matthew 22:25, etc.).

Contrary is the opinion of Montanists, and Cataphrygians, ancient heretics that accounted those marriages which the survivor made after the death of a yoke-fellow, to be adulterous: with which heresy Tertullian an ancient and learned father was so far infected, as he wrote a treatise in defense thereof. It seems by their arguments that one main ground of their error was a misinterpretation of those Scriptures which forbid men to have two wives at once, and women to have two husbands at once, as, Two shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:24). A Bishop and a Deacon must be the husband of one wife (1 Timothy 2:2, 10). Let a widow be taken that has been the wife of one husband (1 Timothy 5:9). These are indeed express texts against such Digamists, and Polygamists as have been described before: but they make no more against second or other after-marriages one mate being dead, than against first marriages. Into the roll of these heretics may they be put, who deny such after-marriages to any kind of Ministers. So do our adversaries: they exclude such as are married again after one wife is dead from such functions of inferior orders, as they admit those who are but once married to. They allege many of those Scriptures which Montanists do (as 1 Timothy 2:2, 10 and 5:9) which shows that they are infected with the same heresy, though they pretend to renounce it.

Section 9. Of equality in years between husband and wife.

That matrimonial society may prove comfortable, it is requisite that there should be some equality between the parties that are married in age, estate, condition, and piety.

1. For age, as the party that seeks a mate must be of ripe years, fit to give consent, and able to perform marriage duties, so the mate which is taken must be somewhat answerable in age: if one young, both young: if one of middle age, both so: if one grown to years, the other also. It is noted of Zachary and Elizabeth, that both were well stricken in years. If both were old together, then both also were young together. Equality in years makes married persons more fit for procreation of children, for a mutual performance of marriage duties each to other, and for making their company and society every way more happy.

This equality is not over strictly to be taken, as if the married couple were to be just of the same age, but only for some answerableness in years: which may be though there be a disparity of five or ten, or somewhat more years: especially if the excess of years be on the husband's part: for besides that according to the ordinary course of nature a man's strength and vigor lasts longer than a woman's, it is very fitting that the husband should be somewhat older than his wife, because he is a head, a governor, a protector of his wife. The Scripture notes many husbands to be older than their wives (as Abraham was ten years older than Sarah; and if we narrowly mark the circumstances of the histories of Isaac and Jacob, and their wives, we shall find that the husbands were older than their wives). To my remembrance an approved example of a husband younger than his wife cannot be given out of Scripture.

Contrary to this equality in years, is the practice of many men and women, who being aged, to satisfy their lust, or for some other by-respect, marry such as are but in the flower of their age, wherein they do many times much fail of their expectation: for those young ones finding the society of aged folks to be burdensome, and irksome to them, soon begin to loathe the same, and thereby cause more grief and vexation, than ever they did give comfort and contentment.

On the other side, others there be who in the prime and strength of their age, for wealth, honor, or such like respects, marry those that with age begin to be decrepit, and unfit to be married, hoping that they will not long live, but that with a little trouble they shall purchase much dignity or riches, and after a while be free again. But God often meets with such in their kind, by prolonging the life of those aged persons, and so making the burden to be much more grievous and tedious than was imagined, and by taking away those young ones sooner than they looked for, whereby it comes to pass that all their hopes perish. The heathen observed inequality in years to be occasions of many mischiefs, and thereupon prescribed rules against it.

§. 10. Of equality in estate and condition between those that are to be married together.

2. Some equality in outward estate and wealth is also befitting the parties that are to be married together, lest the disparity therein (especially if it be over-great) make the one insult over the other more than is fitting: for if a man of great wealth be married to a poor woman, he will think to make her as his maid-servant, and expect that she should carry herself towards him so as befits not a yoke-fellow, and a bedfellow: so as such a one may rather be said to be brought to bondage, than marriage. And if a rich woman marry a poor man, she will look to be the master, and to rule him: so as the order which God has established will be clean perverted: and the honor of marriage laid in the dust. For where no order is, there can be no honor.

3. The like may be said of outward condition, that therein also there be some equality: that princes, nobles, and gentlemen, marry such as are of their own rank: and the meaner sort such as are of their degree. Note what sort of wives Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob married, and it will appear that they had respect to this parity. Disparity in condition as well as in estate, is a means to make men and women swell and insult above that which is fitting: indeed and to twit one another in the teeth with their former estate and condition.

Contrary on the one side are the practices of such as affect to marry above their own estate and degree: thinking by such marriages to advance themselves. This is the only thing which many seek after in seeking wives and husbands; whereby it comes to pass that they often meet with the worst matches, and make their marriage a kind of bondage to them. Great portions make many women proud, dainty, lavish, idle, and careless; a man were much better, even for help of his outward estate, to marry a prudent, sober, thrifty, careful, diligent wife, though with a small portion, than such a one. A proud back, a dainty tooth, and a lavish hand will soon consume a great portion; but a wise woman builds her house: and a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband. Many wives also that are married to very rich husbands, are more stinted and pinched in their allowance, than such as are married to men of meaner estate. It is not the means which a man has, but his mind and disposition that makes him free and bountiful to his wife.

Contrary are the marriages which men of great authority and ability make with lowly women, indeed their own maids many times, and those of the lowest rank, their kitchen maids. [6 pages missing] parties part that is to be married: and then if that party be under the government of parents, the matter must be moved to them, before there be any further proceeding therein, as Samson who seeing and liking a daughter of the Philistines, told his father and his mother thereof. Indeed though the party be not under the government of any, yet it is very fitting that counsel be taken of wise and understanding friends: that in a matter so weighty as marriage is, there may be the advice of more heads than one, for the preventing of such mischiefs as through rashness might fall out. After a liking is thus taken by one party of a fitting mate, that liking must be moved to the other party so liked, to know whether there be a reciprocal affection of one towards another. Thus Samson went and talked with that woman whom he liked to be his wife. If at first there be a good liking mutually and thoroughly settled in both their hearts of one another, love is like to continue in them forever, as things which are well glued, and settled before they be shaken up and down, will never be severed asunder: but if they be joined together without glue, or shaken while the glue is moist, they cannot remain firm.

Mutual love and good liking of each other is as glue.

Let the parties to be married be herein well settled before they come to meet with trials through cohabitation, and that love will not easily be loosened by any trials.

Contrary is the adulterous and brutish practice of such as so soon as they cast their eye on any whom they like, never advise or consult about a right and due proceeding to marriage, but instantly with all the eagerness and speed they can, like brute beasts, seek to have their desire and lust satisfied. Though to keep themselves free from the penalty of the laws under which they live, they procure means to be married, yet they declare a lustful and adulterous mind. And their practice is too like to the practice of the Benjaminites, who caught wives from among the daughters of Shiloh as they were dancing: or else to the practice of the old world, which so grieved the Spirit of God, that it repented him that he had made man, and thereupon he was moved to bring a general deluge on the whole world. Their practice was this, that they took them wives of all that they chose: that is, they rashly and suddenly married whoever they liked, without any consideration of their condition.

§. 14. Of a contract: what it is?

2. When both parties have manifested a mutual liking each to other, and upon mature deliberation and good advice do conceive one to be a fit match for another, it is requisite that a joint consent and absolute promise of marrying one another before sufficient witnesses be made. This rightly made is a contract, which is the beginning of a marriage.

The right making of a firm contract consists in two things:

1. In an actual taking of each other for espoused man and wife.

2. In a direct promise of marrying each other within a convenient time. So as a form of contract may be made to this purpose; First the man taking the woman by the hand to say, I A. take you B. to my espoused wife, and do faithfully promise to marry you in time meet and convenient. And then the woman again taking the man by the hand to say, I B. take you A. to my espoused husband, and do faithfully promise to yield to be married to you in time meet and convenient. This mutual and actual taking of one another for espoused man and wife in the time present, and a direct promise of marrying one another afterwards, settles such a right and property of the one in the other as cannot be alienated without license had from the great Judge of heaven, who has by his divine ordinance settled that right.

§. 15. Of the grounds of a contract.

Quest. Is a contract absolutely necessary?

Answ. Though it has been an ancient custom continued in all ages, yet I dare not pronounce it to be so absolutely necessary, as the want thereof should nullify a marriage, and make it to be no lawful marriage. But surely it is so meet and requisite, as I would advise all Christians that desire a blessing and good success on their marriage to be contracted before they are married.

If there were no other ground for it but this, that God has sanctified it, and commended it to us by his word, it were enough to persuade such as fear God to use it.

For I demand, why does God commend to his Church any thing by his word, but that his Church should make conscience of using it? Now that by God's word it is commended, is without contradiction most evident. For, not to insist on that argument which, not without good probability, is alleged for the antiquity of a contract, and thus collected from God's ordering of that first ancient marriage between Adam and Eve, God brought Eve to Adam on the first day that they were created to see how he would like her, and upon the sight of her, and notice which withal he had of her, by that wisdom which God gave him, he then took her to himself: which taking is supposed to be but a contract, because he did not know her till after his fall. If it be objected that Adam and Eve are called man and wife in the time of their innocence, it may be answered that those titles are in Scripture given to such as are only contracted, to show the near and firm conjunction between parties espoused.

But not to insist on that which is but probable, it is more than probable that Lot's daughters were contracted: for it is said that Lot had sons in law which married (or rather should marry) his daughters: and withal it is said that they had not known man: now then it must needs follow that they were called Lot's sons in law because his daughters were espoused to them. But most evident for this purpose is that difference which the law puts between a pure virgin, an espoused maid, and a married wife. So as contracted persons are in a middle degree between single persons, and married persons: they are neither simply single, nor actually married. To show that this custom of a contract before marriage continued in God's Church among the saints, it is expressly noted that Mary the mother of the Lord Jesus who lived many hundred years after that law, was contracted.

§. 16. Of the reasons which show how requisite a contract is.

Many good and weighty reasons may be alleged to show how requisite it is that a contract should go before marriage. For,

1. It adds much to the honor of marriage, that it should be deliberately and advisedly step after step, by one degree after another consummated and made up.

2. It puts a difference between such as intend marriage in the fear of the Lord, for such holy ends as are warranted in the word, and such as intend it only to satisfy their lust, or for other like carnal ends. For these can admit no delay, as was noted before. But they that use this solemn preparation by a contract before marriage, show that they desire to have all things fit for so sacred a matter duly performed; and therefore they are content to make some stay for the better effecting thereof.

3. It is a means of knitting the hearts of the two parties to be married more firmly and inviolably together before they come to dwell together. For a contract being the beginning of a marriage, it is an evident demonstration of God's counsel concerning the parties contracted, that God has prepared them each for other to be man and wife: so as after the contract is made, they may simply and absolutely pray each for other, that God would bless them one to another, to live comfortably and happily together. Before a contract is made, they can but upon supposition (if God has appointed them to be man and wife) pray one for another. For often it falls out that after many great hopes and likelihoods of proceeding in such or such a match, by some occasion or other it is clean broken off: but a lawful contract knits so firm a knot as cannot be broken: so as a man may conclude that being contracted to a woman she shall be his wife: and so may a woman conclude of a man. The consideration hereof will further move them more narrowly to observe what good qualities, or what other things, which may make them more lovely one to another, are in each other.

4. It is a means to make them beforehand prepare themselves to perform such marriage duties as God's word requires of man and wife. For a contract gives them assurance of marriage if they live to it: so as then they cannot but know that it is high time for them to think how they are to carry themselves, when they come to live in house together: and withal to consider, what crosses ordinarily do accompany the married estate, that they may be beforehand prepared wisely to pass them over, or patiently to undergo them.

5. It may be a means of discovering many hidden and close inconveniences, which otherwise would never come to light. For many friends fearing lest the discovering of some evils which are carried closely, should make a breach between themselves and their friends, will not make them known till they see some urgent necessity to move them so to do. Though the evil be such, as being known would hinder marriage, yet till they see some sure evidence, that they shall indeed be married (if no just exception be put in) they will hope that some other occasion may fall out to hinder the marriage, and in that respect conceal their exception. But because a contract is the beginning of marriage, after they have notice thereof, they will not forbear to disclose what they know. For this end is it, that the contract is three several times openly published in the Church, that if any do know any just cause why such persons as are contracted may not lawfully proceed to marriage, they make known the same. A commendable custom: and great pity, that it is so much neglected as it is.

6. It may prevent many plots and practices of inveigling, or stealing away maids and widows. For it often falls out, that when parents or other friends have provided a good match for their daughter, or for some other under their government, and all things on all parts well concluded, the wedding day appointed, and all things fitted and prepared for the solemnizing of the wedding, some desirous to forestall that marriage, by secret and cunning devices get the bride away a few days before, if not on the very morning of the intended wedding day, and marry her out of hand to another. That which makes men so bold is, that they know a clandestine marriage being consummated shall stand firm in law. But a legal contract prevents such mischiefs, because it makes such a furtive marriage utterly void. None therefore knowing that a contract is lawfully made beforehand, will be so bold, or rather so mad, as to offer to frustrate a marriage after any such manner.

7. It is a means to stir up the parties which are to be married, more carefully and diligently to provide all things fit for their dwelling together, and well ordering their household beforehand; that they be not to seek for necessaries when they should use them. For being contracted, they know that it cannot be long before they must come to dwell together.

§. 17. Of abusing, or neglecting a contract.

There are two extremes contrary to the forenamed doctrine of a contract. One of attributing too much to it: another of derogating too much from it. Many make it a very marriage, and thereupon have a greater solemnity at their contract, than at their marriage: indeed many take liberty after a contract to know their spouse, as if they were married: an unwarrantable and dishonest practice. Lot's daughters were contracted to husbands, and yet they are said to have known no man. The law styles her that is contracted a maid, to show that she ought to keep herself a virgin till the marriage be consummated. Therefore Mary is thus described, a virgin espoused. But it is the common course of most to make light account of this warrantable and honorable proceeding to marriage by a contract. Few there be in comparison of the multitudes that are married, who make any conscience thereof. They think it needless, and utterly neglect it. No marvel that they meet with many mischiefs and inconveniences, when the means of preventing the same are not used. Let such duly weigh the reasons rendered in the former section.

§. 18. Of the distance of time between the contract and marriage.

Question. What distance of time must pass between the making of a contract, and consummating of marriage?

Answer: This must be left to the wise consideration of the parties contracted, and of their friends, for the same time cannot precisely be prescribed to all. Occasions may fall out either of hastening, or putting off the marriage. Only extremes on both sides must be avoided. Neither ought the marriage be too suddenly solemnized upon the contract — then the ends and reasons of a contract, before mentioned, are made void — nor yet too long put off — then may Satan take occasion to tempt them for their incontinence. The laudable custom of our and other churches shows that at least three weeks must pass between contract and marriage. For the contract is to be three times published, and that but once a week before the wedding be celebrated. And we read that the virgin Mary was at least three months contracted before Joseph took her to wife. For when the angel first came to her she was espoused: after that she went to her cousin Elizabeth, with whom she stayed three months: and then being returned home Joseph was warned by an angel to take her to wife. I note not this as a rule for every one precisely to follow. For the virgin Mary had a just occasion to tarry three months with her old cousin Elizabeth: and so may others have occasions to put off their marriages: which may be lawful, so the marriage be not put off too long, and that there be a mutual and joint consent of both parties. For after the contract is made, neither the man nor the woman have the power of their own body.

Contrary is that unwarrantable course which many take, to be engaged and made sure to a wife, and then to travel beyond sea, or to any other place, and be absent from their spouse a year, or two, or three, or it may be more years. If a man might not go to war, nor be charged with any business that should draw him from his wife the first year of his marriage, much less may he absent himself for any long time after he is contracted but not married. This may be a means to alienate the heart of his spouse from him forever.

Section 19: Of a religious consecrating of marriage.

3. The last degree of consummating a marriage, is the open and public solemnization thereof: which consists in the following.

1. In a religious consecration thereof. 2. In a civil celebration.

A religious consecration of marriage is performed by the blessing of a public minister of the word in the open face of the church in the day time. This of old has been used by Christians, and still is continued among us. Though we have neither express precept, nor particular pattern in God's word for this manner of solemnizing a marriage — for there is no particular form thereof set down in the Scripture — yet it being agreeable to the general rules thereof, we ought in conscience to subject ourselves to it.

The general rules are these: Let all things be done decently and in order. The churches of God have such a custom. Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake, with the like. But the foresaid manner of consecrating marriage is very decent and in good order, a laudable custom of the churches, and an ordinance of those governors under whom we live. Therefore it is warrantable, and to be observed. Neither is this order, custom, and ordinance appointed without just and weighty reasons.

1. Marriage is a kind of public action: the well or ill ordering thereof much tends to the good or hurt of family, church, and commonwealth. For by marriage families are erected, and church and commonwealth increased and continued.

2. Marriage is honorable. It is the most sacred and inviolable bond that knits any two persons together.

3. Marriage is God's covenant, wherein he himself has a main and principal part. For God is the chief agent in joining man and woman in marriage.

On these grounds it has been thought very requisite that marriage should be solemnized in the day time — as a work of light that need not be covertly and closely done — and that in a public place, where any who will may have free access, either to except against it and hinder it if there be just cause, or to be a witness thereof, and to add their blessing to it. And among public places the church is thought the fittest, because it is the house of prayer, where persons and actions are most solemnly blessed. And of all persons a public minister is thought to be the most fitting to celebrate marriage, and to join the parties to be married together, because he stands in God's place, and in and by his ministry God joins them together and blesses them: so as after the minister has rightly joined man and wife together in matrimony, it may be well said, Those whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder. The form of consecrating marriage, which is prescribed in our liturgy or common prayer book, does so distinctly, perspicuously, and fully set down whatever is to be observed and done by the parties to be married, their parents, or other governors, and the minister that joins them together, that I can add nothing to it. There are declared the grounds, ends, and uses of marriage. There open proclamation is made whether any can except against the intended marriage. There each party is solemnly charged, that if either of them does know any impediment why they may not lawfully be married, to disclose it. There also each party is openly asked if freely and willingly they will take one another for man and wife. There the duties of married persons are declared, and they severally asked whether they will subject themselves to them or not. All which being openly professed, the parent or some in their stead is called forth to give the bride to the bridegroom. Then they two actually taking each other to be man and wife, and testifying the same by express words, and by mutual pledges, the minister in God's name joins them together, pronounces them to be lawful husband and wife, and by prayer craves God's blessing upon the action, and upon their persons. Thus is the marriage consecrated, and they two made one flesh, that is, lawfully joined together by the inviolable bond of marriage.

Section 20: Of clandestine marriages.

Contrary are clandestine marriages, such as are made in private houses, or other secret places, or in churches without a sufficient number of witnesses, or in the night time, or without a lawful minister of the word, with the like. As such seeking of secrecy takes much from the honor and dignity of marriage, so it implies some evil cleaving to it: for every man that does evil hates the light. There is little hope that such marriages should have any good outcome. For where such means as are sanctified for obtaining a blessing on marriage are neglected, what blessing can be expected?

Section 21: Of a civil celebrating of marriage.

Though upon the forenamed consecrating of marriage it be in regard of the substance thereof fully consummate, yet for the greater solemnity of so honorable a thing, it is very requisite that further there be added a civil celebration of it: under which I comprise all those lawful customs that are used for the setting forth of the outward solemnity thereof, as meeting of friends, accompanying the Bridegroom and Bride both to and from the Church, putting on best apparel, feasting, with other tokens of rejoicing: for which we have express warrant out of God's word.

For the general, that the marriage time is a time of rejoicing, some gather from the notation of the word, as if it were styled marriage of merry age. But to let that pass, the Scripture uses to set forth a time of rejoicing by the joy of the Bridegroom over his Bride, and styles the voice of a Bridegroom and a Bride, the voice of joy and gladness. And on the contrary counts it a judgment, when joy is taken away from the Bridegroom and the Bride.

For meeting of friends at the time of marriage, it is noted that Laban gathered together all the men of the place, when his daughter was married. And when Samson was married, they brought thirty companions to him. And when a friend of the virgin Mary was married, Jesus and his Disciples, besides many other, were invited thereto. And in the parable of the marriage of the King's son, it is noted that many guests were bidden to the wedding. In all which histories it is further noted, that feasts were made at the solemnizing of those marriages. And the phrases which the Prophet uses of a Bridegroom's decking himself with ornaments, and a Bride's adorning herself with jewels, give warrant for putting on the best apparel at that time.

Here by the way let good heed be taken, that the things which may lawfully be used, be not unlawfully abused, as commonly marriage festivities, and that especially in feastings, are.

§. 22. Of ill or well ordering marriage feasts.

Marriage feasts are abused,

1. When they are made at an unseasonable time: as on the Lord's day, or in a time of mourning.

2. When they exceed the ability of him that makes the feasts.

3. When the abundance prepared, is immoderately taken, even to gluttony and drunkenness. The lewd practice of drinking healths to the Bridegroom and Bride, often causes much excess in drunkenness.

4. When too much time is spent therein.

5. When God is clean forgotten therein, and the company poisoned with corrupt communication, unchaste songs, and the like.

6. When the needy and distressed are not remembered therein.

For preventing of these abuses, a seasonable time for celebrating marriage must be chosen out: and moderation used both by him that makes the feast, and also by them that partake thereof: moderation I say in the measure of eating and drinking, and in the time spent therein: which time must be sanctified with such communication as is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace to the hearers. And for the more cheerfulness therein, witty questions and doubtful riddles may be propounded (as Samson did) to exercise the wit and judgment of the guests: there may be also singing Psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, making melody in their hearts to the Lord. Indeed further, that the marriage meeting, mirth, and feasting may be the better sanctified, good choice is to be made of the guests that are invited thereto. Hereof we have a worthy pattern in those who were married in Cana of Galilee, and invited to their feast Jesus, his mother, and his Disciples. Such as Jesus, will minister occasion of savory and sanctified communication, whereby all the guests may be much edified. Such as the virgin Mary will be a good example of modesty, [reconstructed: sobriety], and other like Christian graces. Such as the Disciples, will be far from scorning and deriding wholesome and good instructions, but rather give all diligent heed thereunto, and lay them up in their hearts.

Above all, that the mirth and joy of marriage be not damped, as Belshazzar's was, let them that are married, and all that come to rejoice with them, be sure that they have true assurance of their spiritual marriage with Christ, and of a good right in him to the creatures which they use. Otherwise their sins will be as that handwriting which appeared to Belshazzar on the wall.

Finally, in regard of that liberty which God gives with plenty and abundance to eat of the fat, and drink of the sweet, let the poor that scarce have sufficiency be remembered.

Thus by a right celebrating of marriage, is it much honored: and man and wife with much honor are brought together.

§. 23. Of the honor of marriage in regard of the first institution thereof.

Great reason there is why marriage should with such honor be solemnized. For it is a most honorable thing. Honorable in the institution, ends, privileges, and mystery thereof. No ordinance was more honorable in the first institution thereof, as is evident by the Author thereof, the Place where it was instituted, the Time when it was instituted, the Persons who were first married, and the Manner of joining them together.

1. The Author and first Institutor of marriage was the Lord God. Could there have been a greater, or any way a more excellent Author?

2. The Place was Paradise; the most fair, glorious, pleasant, honorable, commodious, and every way most excellent place that ever was in this world. Place, though it be but a circumstance, adds much to the honor of a thing. [reconstructed: Solemn] ordinances are made in honorable places. Thus with us marriages are solemnized in Churches, not in private houses.

3. The Time was the most pure and perfect time that ever was in the world, when no sin or pollution of man had stained it, even the time of man's innocence. Purity adds much to the honor of a thing.

4. The Persons were the most honorable that ever were, even the first father and mother of all mankind, they who had an absolute power and dominion over all creatures, and to whom all were subject. None but they ever had a true monarchy over the whole world.

5. The Manner was with as great deliberation as ever was used in instituting any ordinance. For first the three glorious persons in the Trinity do meet to advise about it. For the Lord God said, and to whom should he speak? Not to any created power, but to him that was begotten of himself, that Wonderful Counselor, etc. In this consultation this ordinance is found to be very needful: (It is not good for man to be alone) thereupon a determination is set down, to make a help meet for man. For the better effecting hereof the Lord proceeds thereto very deliberately, by sundry steps and degrees.

1. All the creatures that lived on the earth, or breathed in the air, are brought before man, to see if a helpmate for him might be found among them.

2. Every one of them being thoroughly viewed, and found unfit, another creature is made and that out of man's substance and side, and after his image.

3. This excellent creature thus made is by the maker of it presented to man, to see how he would like it.

4. Man manifesting a good liking to her, she is given to him to be his wife.

5. The inviolable law of the near and firm union of man and wife together is enacted.

Let all the forenamed branches concerning the first institution of marriage expressly recorded by the Holy Ghost be well weighed, and we shall easily see that there is no ordinance now in force among the sons of men so honorable in the institution of it, as this.

§. 24. Of the Ends of Marriage.

2. The ends for which marriage was ordained add much to the honor of it. They are especially three.

1. That the world might be increased: and not simply increased, but with a legitimate brood, and distinct families, which are the seminaries of cities and commonwealths. Indeed also that in the world the Church by a holy seed might be preserved, and propagated (Malachi 2:15).

2. That men might avoid fornication (1 Corinthians 7:2) and possess their vessels in holiness and honor. In regard of that proneness which is in man's corrupt nature to lust, this end adds much to the honor of marriage. It shows that marriage is as a haven to such as are in jeopardy of their salvation through the gusts of temptations to lust. No sin is more hereditary; none of which more children of Adam do partake, than this. Well might Christ say (Matthew 19:11) all men receive not this saying.

Of all the children of Adam that ever were, not one to a million of those that have come to ripeness of years have been true eunuchs all their lifetime. Against this hereditary disease no remedy is so sovereign as this. Indeed for those that have not the gift of continence this is the only warranted, and sanctified remedy.

3. That man and wife might be a mutual help one to another (Genesis 2:18). A help as for bringing forth, so for bringing up children; and as for erecting, so for well governing their family. A help also for well ordering prosperity, and well bearing adversity. A help in health and sickness. A help while both live together, and when one is by death taken from the other. In this respect it is said (Proverbs 18:22) whoever finds a wife, finds a good thing, which by the rule of relation is true also, of a husband.

No such help can man have from any other creature as from a wife; or a woman as from a husband.

§. 25. Of the Privileges of Marriage.

3. If (as once of circumcision) it be demanded what is the privilege, advantage, and profit of marriage, I answer, Much every way.

1. By it men and women are made husbands and wives.

2. It is the only lawful means to make them fathers and mothers.

3. It is the ordinary means to make them masters and mistresses. All these are great dignities, wherein the image and glory of God consists.

4. It is the most effectual means of continuing a man's name and memory in this world, that can be. Children are living monuments, and lively representations of their parents.

5. Many privileges have of old been granted to such as were married. In pleading causes, or giving sentence, they had the first place; and in choice of offices they were preferred. In meetings they had the upper hand. And if they had many children they were exempted from watchings, and other like burdensome functions. Among us, if the younger sister be married before the elder, the preeminence and precedency is given to the younger.

The privileges and honors which are given to married persons, were questionless the ground of that custom which Laban mentions of his country; that the younger was not to be married before the elder (Genesis 29:26).

§. 26. Of the Mystery of Marriage.

4. Great is that mystery which is set forth by marriage, namely the sacred, spiritual, real, and inviolable union between Christ and his Church: which is excellently deciphered in Solomon's Song, and in (Psalm 45) and expressly noted (Ephesians 5:32).

Hereby man and wife who entirely, as they ought, love one another, have an evident demonstration of Christ's love to them. For as parents by that affection which they bear to their children, may better discern the mind, and meaning of God towards them, than such as never had a child, so may married persons better know the disposition of Jesus Christ, who is the spouse of every faithful soul, than single persons.

§. 27. Of Marriage and Single Life Compared Together.

Let now the admirers and praisers of a single estate bring forth all their reasons, and put them in the other scale against marriage. If these two be duly poised, and rightly weighed, we shall find single life too light to be compared with honest marriage. All that can be said for the single estate, is grounded upon accidental occasions. Saint Paul, who of all the penmen of holy Scripture has spoken most for it, draws all his commendations to the head of expediency, and restrains all to present necessity (1 Corinthians 7:26).

Objection. He uses these words (good, and better.)

Answer. Those words have relation not to virtue, but to expediency: neither are they spoken in opposition to vice and sin, for then would it follow, that to marry (which is God's ordinance, and honorable in all) were evil and sinful: which is to revive that ancient heresy, that marriage is of the devil. Of old they who have called lawful marriage a defilement, have been said to have the Apostate dragon dwelling in them. But the Apostle styles that good, which is commodious, and that better which is more expedient: and yet not simply more expedient, but to some persons at some times. For if any have not the gift of continence, it is not only commodious or more expedient that they marry, but also absolutely necessary. They are commanded so to do (1 Corinthians 7:9). Yet on the other side, if any have the gift of continence, they are not simply bound from marriage; there be other occasions, beside avoiding fornication, to move them to marry. It is therefore truly said that Virginity is not commanded, but advised to. We have no precept for it, but leave it to the power of them that have that power. So far forth as men and women see just occasion of abstaining from marriage (being at least able so to do) they are by the Apostle persuaded to use their liberty and keep themselves free. But all the occasions which move them to remain single arise from the weakness and wickedness of men. Their wickedness who raise troubles against others, their weakness who suffer themselves to be disquieted and too much distracted with affairs of the family, care for wife, children, and the like. Were it not for the wickedness of some, and weakness of others, to please a husband or a wife, would be no hindrance to pleasing of the Lord. If therefore man had stood in his entire and innocent estate, no such wickedness or weakness had seized upon him: and then in no respect could the single estate have been preferred before the married. But since the fall, Virginity (where it is given) may be of good use: and therefore the Church does give due honor both to virginity and marriage.

Section 28. Of celebrating marriage with sorrow.

Contrary to the forenamed joyful celebrating of marriage are all those indirect courses which bring much grief, trouble and vexation to it: as forced, stolen, unequal, or any other way unlawful marriages: marriages without parents, or other governors and friends' consent: or huddled up to avoid the danger of law for former uncleanness committed, with the like. Many by their preposterous and undue performing of so weighty a matter, do not only cause great trouble and disquiet on the marriage day, but also much sorrow all the days of their life. If such find no joy, comfort or help in marriage, but rather the contrary, let them not blame God's ordinance, but their own folly and perverseness.