Sermon
Exodus 20:12. Honor your Father—
Use 1. If we are to honor our fathers on earth, then much more our Father in Heaven. Malachi 1:6. If then I am a Father, where is my honor? A father is but the instrument of conveying life, but God is the original cause of our being. Psalm 100:3. For it is he that has made us, and not we ourselves. Honor and adoration is a pearl that belongs only to the crown of Heaven. And,
1. We show honor to our Heavenly Father by obeying him. Thus Christ honored his Father. John 6:38. I came down from Heaven, not to do my own will, but the will of him that sent me. This he calls honoring of God. John 8:29. I do always those things which please him. Verse 49. I honor my Father. The Wise Men did not only bow the knee to Christ, but presented him with gold and myrrh (Matthew 2:8). So we must not only bow the knee, give God adoration, but bring presents, give him golden obedience.
2. We show honor to our Heavenly Father, by appearing as advocates in his cause, and standing up for his truth in an adulterous generation. That son honors his father, who stands up in his defense, and vindicates him when he is calumniated and reproached. Do they honor God who are ashamed of him? John 12:42. Many believed on him, but dared not confess him. They are bastard sons, who are ashamed to own their Heavenly Father. Such as are born of God, are steeled with courage for his truth: they are like the rock which no waves can break; like the adamant, which no sword can cut. Basil was a champion for truth in the time of the Emperor Valens; and Athanasius, when the world was Arrian, appeared for God.
3. We show honor to our Heavenly Father, by ascribing the honor of all we do to him. 1 Corinthians 15:10. I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was in me. If a Christian has any assistance in duty, any strength against corruption, he rears up a pillar, and writes upon it, Hitherto the Lord has helped me. As Joab when he had fought against Rabbah, and had like to have taken it, sent for King David, that he might carry away the honor of the victory (2 Samuel 12:27). So when a child of God has any conquest over Satan, he gives all the honor to God. Hypocrites (whose lamp is fed with the oil of vain-glory) while they do any eminent service for God, seek themselves; and so their very serving of him is a dishonoring him.
4. We show honor to our Heavenly Father by celebrating his praise. Psalm 71:8. Let my mouth be filled with your praise, and with your honor all the day. Revelation 5:13. Blessing, honor, glory and power be to him that sits upon the throne. Blessing God is honoring of God. It lifts him up in the eyes of others; it spreads his fame and renown in the world. In this manner the angels, the choristers of Heaven, are now honoring God, they trumpet forth his praise. In prayer we act like saints, in praise like angels.
5. We show honor to our Heavenly Father by suffering dishonor, indeed, death for his sake. Saint Paul did bear in his body the marks of the Lord Jesus (Galatians 6:17). As they were marks of honor to him, so trophies of honor to the Gospel. The honor which comes to God, is not by bringing that outward pomp and glory to him as we do to kings, but it comes in another way, by the sufferings of his people. They let the world see what a good God they serve, and how they love him, and will fight under his banner to the death. Thus you see how you are to honor your Heavenly Father. God is worthy of honor. Psalm 104:1. You are clothed with honor and majesty. What are all his attributes, but glorious beams shining from this sun. He deserves more honor than men or angels can give him. 2 Samuel 22. I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised. God is worthy of honor. Often times we confer honor upon them that do not deserve it. Many noble persons we give titles of honor to, who are sordid and vicious; they do not deserve honor, but God is worthy of honor. Nehemiah 9:5. Blessed be your glorious name, which is exalted above all blessings and praise. He is above all the acclamations and triumphs of the archangels. O then let every true child of God honor his Heavenly Father! Though the wicked dishonor him by their flagitious lives, yet let not his own children dishonor him. Sins in you are worse than in others: a fault in a stranger is not so much taken notice of as a fault in a child. A spot in a black cloth is not so much observed, but a spot in scarlet every one's eye is upon it. A sin in the wicked is not so much wondered at, it is a spot in black: but a sin in a child of God, here is a spot in scarlet; this is more visible, and brings an odium and dishonor upon the Gospel. The sins of God's own children go nearer to his heart. Deuteronomy 32:19. When the Lord [reconstructed: saw] it, he abhorred them, because of the provoking of his sons and daughters. O forbear doing any thing that may reflect dishonor upon God. Will you disgrace your Heavenly Father? Let not God complain of the provocations of his sons and daughters; let him not cry out as Isaiah 1:2. I have brought up children, and they have rebelled against me. So much for the first: if our earthly father is to be honored, then much more our Heavenly.
Use 2. Exhort. First Branch. Does God command, honor your Father and your Mother? Then let it exhort children to put this great duty in practice, be living commentaries upon this commandment. Honor and reverence your parents; not only obey their commands, but submit to their rebukes. You cannot honor your Father in Heaven, unless you honor your earthly parents. To deny obedience to parents entails God's judgments upon children (Proverbs 30:17). The eye that mocks at his father, and despises to obey his mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagle shall eat it. Eli's two disobedient sons were slain (1 Samuel 4:11). God made a law that the rebellious son should be stoned; the same death the blasphemer had (Leviticus 24:14; Deuteronomy 21:18). If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out to the elders of the city, and all the men of his city shall stone him with stones so that he dies. A father once complaining, Never had father a worse son than I have. Yes, says the son, my grandfather had: A prodigy of impudence that can hardly be paralleled. Manlius, when he was grown old and poor, and had a son very rich, the old father desired some food of him, but the son denied him relief; indeed, disclaimed him from being his father, and sent him away with reproachful language. The poor old father let tears fall, as witnesses of his grief. But God to revenge this disobedience, struck this unnatural son with madness, of which he could never be cured. Disobedient children stand in the place where all God's arrows fly.
Second Branch. Let parents so carry it, as they may gain honor from their children.
Question: How may parents so carry it towards their children, that their children may willingly pay the debt of honor and reverence to their parents?
Response 1. If you would have your children honor you,
1. Be careful to bring them up in the fear and nurture of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4). Bring them up in the admonition of the Lord. You conveyed the plague of sin to them; therefore, endeavor to get them healed and sanctified. Austin says his mother Monica traveled more for his spiritual birth, than his natural. Timothy's mother instructed him from a child (2 Timothy 3:15). She did not only give him her breast milk, but the sincere milk of the Word. Season your children with good principles early, that they may with Obadiah, fear the Lord from their youth (1 Kings 18:12). When parents instruct not their children, they seldom prove blessings. God often punishes the carelessness of parents with undutifulness in their children. It is not enough that in baptism your child is dedicated to God, but it must be educated for God. Children are young plants which you must be continually watering with good instruction (Proverbs 22:6). Train up a child in the way he should go, and he will not depart from it when he is old. The more your children fear God, the more they will honor you.
2. If you would have your children honor you, keep up your parental authority over your children; be kind, but do not coddle them: if you let them get too much head, they will contemn you instead of honoring you. The rod of discipline must not be withheld (Proverbs 23:14). You shall beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell. A child indulged and humored in wickedness, will be a thorn in the parent's eye. David coddled Adonijah (1 Kings 1:6). His father had not displeased him at any time, in saying, Why have you done so? And he afterward was a grief of heart to his father, and was false to the crown (verses 7-9). Keep up your authority, and you keep up your honor.
3. Provide for your children what is fitting both in their minority, and when they come to maturity (2 Corinthians 12:14). The children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children. They are your own flesh; and as the apostle says, No man yet ever hated his own flesh (Ephesians 5:29). The parent's bountifulness will cause dutifulness in the child. If you pour water into a pump, the pump will send water out again freely. So if parents pour in something of their estate to their children, children (if ingenuous) will pour out obedience again to their parents.
4. When your children are grown up, put them to some lawful calling, wherein they may serve their generation. And it is good to consult the natural genius and inclination of a child. Forced callings do as ill sometimes as forced matches. To let a child be out of a calling, is to expose it to temptation. Melancton: Otium Balneum Diaboli. A child out of a calling is like fallow ground, and what can you expect should grow up but weeds of disobedience.
5. Carry it lovingly to your children. In all your counsels and commands, let them read love. Love will command honor: and how can the parent but love the child who is his living picture, indeed, part of himself. The child is the father in the second edition.
6. Carry it prudently towards your children. A great point of prudence is, when a parent does not provoke his children to wrath (Colossians 3:21). Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.
Question: How many ways may a parent provoke his children to wrath?
Response 1. By giving them opprobrious terms (1 Samuel 20:30). You son of the perverse rebellious woman, said Saul to his son Jonathan. Some parents use imprecations and curses to their children. This is to provoke them to wrath. Would you have God bless your children, and do you curse?
(2.) Parents provoke children to wrath, when they strike their children without a cause; or when the correction exceeds the fault. This is rather to be a tyrant than a father. Saul cast a javelin at his son to smite him (1 Samuel 20:33), and his son was provoked to anger. Verse 34: So Jonathan arose from the table in fierce anger. In Filium pater obtinet non tyrannicum imperium sed Basilicum. Davenant.
(3.) When parents deny their children conveniences; they will not let them have that which may cherish or cover nature. Some have thus provoked their children; they have stinted them, and kept them so short, that they have forced their children upon indirect courses, and made them put forth their hands to iniquity.
(4.) When parents carry it unequally towards their children, showing more kindness to one than another; this sometimes breeds bad blood. Though a parent has a greater love to one child, yet discretion should guide affection, that he should not show more love to one than to another. Jacob showed more love to Joseph than all his children, and what did it procure but envy of his brothers? (Genesis 37:3) Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, and when his brothers saw that, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably to him.
(5.) When a parent does anything which is sordid and unworthy, that which casts disgrace upon himself and his family — as to cozen, or take a false oath — this is to provoke the child to wrath. As the child should honor his father, so the father should not dishonor the child.
(6.) When parents lay such commands upon their children, as their children cannot perform without wronging their conscience. Saul commanded his son Jonathan to bring David to him (1 Samuel 20:3): "Fetch him to me, for he shall surely die." Jonathan could not do this with a good conscience, but was provoked to anger. Verse 34: Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger. Now the reason why parents should show their prudence in not provoking their children to wrath is set down (Colossians 3:21): "Lest they be discouraged." This word, "discouraged," implies three things. 1. Grief: the parents provoking the child, the child so takes it to heart, that it causes immature death. 2. Despondency: the parents' austerity dispirits the child, and makes it unfit for service — like members of the body stupefied, which are unfit for work. 3. Contumacy and refractoriness: the child being provoked by the cruel and unnatural carriage of the parent, grows desperate, and often studies to irritate and vex his parent — which, though it be evil in the child, yet the parent is accessory to it, as being the occasion of it.
(7.) If you would have honor from your children, pray much for them: not only lay up a portion for them, but lay up a stock of prayer for them. Monica prayed much for her son Augustine; and it was said, it was impossible a son of so many prayers and tears should perish. Pray that your children may be preserved from the contagion of the times. Pray that as your children bear your image in their faces, they may bear God's image in their hearts. Pray they may be instruments and vessels of glory. This may be one fruit of prayer, that the child shall honor a praying parent.
(8.) Encourage that which you see good and commendable in your children — Virtus laudata crescit. Commending that which is good in your children makes them more in love with virtuous actions, and is like watering of plants, which makes them grow more. Some parents discourage the good they see in their children, and so nip virtue in the bud, and help to damn their children's souls. They have their children's curses.
(9.) If you would have honor from your children, set them a good example: it makes children despise their parents, when the parents live in a contradiction to their own precepts — when they bid their children be sober, yet they themselves will be drunk; they bid their children fear God, yet are themselves loose in their lives. Oh! If you would have your children honor you, teach them by a holy example. A father is a looking-glass which the child often dresses himself by; let the glass be clear and not spotted. Parents should observe a good decorum in their whole carriage, lest they give occasion to their children to say to them as Plato's servant said: "My master has made a book against rash anger, but he himself is passionate." Or as a son once said to his father: "If I have done evil, I have learned it of you."
