Chapter 9

Of the deceit of the heart in judging ourselves better than we are.

And of the second deceit of the heart, in judging of our persons, so much: the third follows. And that is, when we judge ourselves to be better, than indeed we are; when our little is thought a great deal, our mite of grace, a talent, our moat, a beam, our molehill a mountain, our smoking flax the strong and blazing flame of some mighty bonfire, our small beginnings, the height of perfection. Of this deceit the Apostle speaks, when taxing the pride of the Corinthians, whereby they thought themselves wiser, than indeed they were, he thus writes, "Let no man deceive himself: if any man among you seems to be wise, let him become a fool," etc. (1 Corinthians 3:18). Showing that herein is the self-deceit, when we are better conceited of ourselves, than there is cause. Herein our deceitful hearts are like to those kind of glasses, which represent things many degrees greater than in deed they are. Thus the Corinthian teachers looking upon themselves in this false glass, magnified themselves above Saint Paul himself, from where was that modest reprehension of the Apostle, "We dare not compare ourselves with them," and again, "you are full, you reign," etc. (2 Corinthians 10:12; 1 Corinthians 4:8). This was the deceit of him that said, "all these have I kept from my youth" (Matthew 19:20), and still it is to be found in too, too many: not only such as the old Perfectionists, and now the Papists: but even in the best of us all, who through self-love, are no less affected to our own graces, than parents to their own children, whom they use to account the fairest of all others. Hence arise those high thoughts, and strong conceits of our own excellency, and sufficiency even for the weightiest matters. James and John, no doubt, had received some measure of grace and spiritual strength: but yet their own deceitful hearts made them to overprize it, and boldly to tell Christ asking them, "Are you able to drink of my cup, to be baptized with my baptism?" yes; we are able (Matthew 20:22). Alas poor men, that could scarce endure to see Christ himself drink that cup, and therefore fled away when the cup was but coming towards him, how should you be able then to drink it of yourselves? Thus Peter's heart deceived him in like manner, when being but a novice, a fresh water soldier, he thought himself able to encounter those enemies that might justly have daunted the old trained, and best exercised and experienced soldiers. Christ knowing the measure of his strength better than himself, told him, "Where I go now you cannot follow me, hereafter you shall." But Peter's deceitful heart, thinking itself too much disabled, answered, "Why cannot I follow you now?" So true is that, even in spiritual riches, which Solomon speaks of the earthly, "There is a poor man who makes himself rich" (Proverbs 13:7). Therefore excellently David, not ignorant of this deceit, after he had protested concerning the soundness and zeal of his hatred of God's wicked enemies, "Do I not hate them that hate you? yes, I hate them with a perfect hatred," adds (as something mistrusting his own heart) "Try me O God, prove me" (Psalm 139:22-23), namely whether I deceive not myself in thinking I have more zeal, than indeed I have. Of the two deceits it is the better, and safer, to undervalue ourselves; and with him that said, "I am not a man, I have not the understanding of a man in me" (Proverbs 30:2), to think ourselves rather worse, than any bit better than in truth we be.