Chapter 3

Of the deceit whereby we judge ourselves not to be so evil, as indeed we are.

We have briefly run over the former part of the heart's deceitfulness, whereby it deceives others, not itself, with the several parcels thereof: now we come to the second part of deceitfulness, and that far more deep, and dangerous than the former, namely that which we may call self-deceit, whereby we deceive even ourselves, sometimes together with, sometimes again without deceiving others besides.

This deceitfulness may be considered either in the mind or affections jointly together, or in the affections separately, and by themselves.

The former deceitfulness shows itself specially in 4 things: 1. in judging, 2. in persuading, 3. in promising, 4. in practicing. For the first which is in judging; though it may seem that judgment belongs properly to the mind, yet because here the affections interpose themselves, and the erroneous judgment of the mind commonly receives its tincture from the affections, I do therefore equally interest both the mind and affections in this first deceit. Now the deceit of the heart in judging is either in judging of our persons, or of our actions.

In judging of our persons there are specially three deceits; whereof the first is, when we think, through pride, and ignorance, that we are not so bad, as in truth we are. And this deceit is not only in regard of that we judge of ourselves for the time present, but also past, and to come.

For the time present; how many are there grossly tainted with many horrible sins, which yet in no case they will be brought to see, or acknowledge, nay so far are they blinded through self-love, and self-deceit, that they will be at daggers drawing with any that shall offer to lay such matters to their charge. The Pharisee cackles and brags in the Gospel, that he is not unjust, nor an extortioner, he thought himself free enough from those sins, and yet our Savior, who could not be deceived, fastens this imputation upon that whole tribe, that however the outside of the cup, and platter were very exquisitely cleaned, yet the inside was full of ravings and wickedness. Whereupon he exhorts them by alms to make clean those dishes, which even swam with blood, in regard the meats in them, were gotten by evil means, as by devouring of widows' houses, through color of long prayers; by teaching children even to starve their own parents, to offer to the altar, that is indeed to their paunches, and purses. Was not this injustice and extortion? And yet because it was something more cleanly carried, and not so gross, and apparent, as that of the Publicans, or common thieves, therefore he blesses himself in a supposed freedom from that sin, and triumphs saying, I am no extortioner, no unjust person. Nay out of your own mouth shall you be judged, you deceitful Pharisee. That shall cast you, for when after you say, nor as this publican; is not this shameful injustice for you to judge another man's servant, that stands or falls to his own master? And when afterward you glory in your own virtues, of fasting and paying of tithes, as though by these things you had deserved to be kept by God, from breaking out into the scandals of adultery, and extortion, are you not an extortioner in the highest degree, that goes about to extort, and wring from God himself his most precious treasure, his glory, which he will not give to another? Thus many with the Pharisee think themselves innocent enough of theft, and such like crimes, and will wish they could no more be touched with other sins, when indeed they have their hands very deep in these transgressions, usually robbing their brethren of their good name, which being above silver and gold, the theft thereof must needs, proportionably, be above the theft of silver and gold which is punished with the gallows; nay robbing God himself of his worship: of his Sabbath, the time, and of his tithes, the props of his worship. What a mockery is it then for you to talk of paying man his dues, when you deny God his? Or is it theft to rob your fellow subject, and none to rob your King, and sovereign? So again we may hear others purge themselves of covetousness, as though they were not at all given that way, only upon this ground, because they are no sneaking, and scraping misers, but rather wasteful, and riotous prodigals. Not considering that their prodigality cannot be upheld, but by covetousness, in seeking for more than God has allotted, and that by ungodly, and unjust practices. So others free themselves of pride, only because they exceed not in their apparel, as others, when yet inwardly they are swollen with self-conceit, and no men think better of themselves, than they do. Our ruffling, and swaggering cutters, with whom a word and a blow, a lie and a stab, think themselves of a heroic spirit, and in no way would endure the imputation of pusillanimity, of baseness of mind, and cowardice. Yet the truth is they are most base, and vile cowards, slavishly yielding to their own vile affections, which to overcome, and by repentance to be revenged of, is a far greater argument of a noble and generous spirit, than to pursue so eagerly the revenge of every petty injury, which the Apostle disgraces by a word that signifies infirmity, and loss of victory. If it were true valor, why should not they be as hazardous of their estates, and lives for Christ's sake, and the gospel, when occasion requires? But then none so faint hearted, and dastardly as they. Infinite were it to follow all the particularities, whereby this deceit might be exemplified. Of all others this is the most general branch thereof, when men think they have not such and such corruptions, because they feel not the powerful operation of them, by reason of God's restraining hand. Many natural men there are whom God never renewed by his grace, in whom yet he so moderates, and bridles many corruptions, as pride, lust, cruelty, etc.: that they break not forth. Hence such men deceitfully imagine that they are framed of some purer mold, and are of a better nature, and disposition, free altogether from such corruptions, because free from the annoyance of them. As though a Lion were no Lion, when fettered, that he cannot roar, or a thief no thief when manacled, that he cannot steal, or the stone no stone, when so bedded in the bladder, that it cannot greatly vex. Lest therefore we deceive ourselves in this point, it stands us in hand diligently to examine whether the rest and silence of our corruption be from the restraining, or the renewing spirit, from the grace of God suppressing it, or oppressing it, from want of a mind disposed, or of an occasion to be proposed for the drawing forth of the corruption?

As thus we are deceived in judging of ourselves for the time present, so also past and to come: for the time past, we have an example in the Pharisees, that said, if they had lived in the days of their fathers, they would not have murdered the prophets, when yet their bloody persecution of Christ, that taught no other doctrine than that which the prophets of old had done, might sufficiently discover the deceitfulness of their hearts in this kind. Thus what wicked miscreant is there, that will not be ready to cry out upon the high priests, the Jews and treacherous Judas, with the rest, that had their hands in Christ's blood; and as for them, if they had then lived, they should have taken Christ's part against the Jews, and so Hooper and Bradford's part against Bonner and Gardener? A likely matter: they now make so much of those, in whom the piety and zeal of those holy martyrs is revived. Assuredly, he that now, under the Gospel, shows a spiteful and malicious mind to a good and holy Christian, well may he deceive himself, he shall never deceive me so far, as to make me think otherwise, than that if he had lived in holy Hooper's days, he would have been ready, with the forwardest, to have carried a fagot to his stake, indeed if he had lived in Christ's days, he would have been one ready to have driven in the first nail into his body. Certainly, a Herod and Herodias to John the Baptist would have been an Ahab and Jezebel to Elijah. And yet I make no question, but if one had asked either Herod or Herodias, what they thought of Ahab's and Jezebel's dealings toward Elijah, and what they would have done in like case, I doubt not I say, but they would have condemned them to the very pit of hell, and made many goodly protestations, that if they had then lived, they would have done far otherwise: but inasmuch as they did the same things to a new Elijah, the Baptist, that came in the spirit and power of Elijah: it was thereby evident what they would have done to the old Elijah.

Lastly, we deceive ourselves in regard of the time to come, when we will not take that notice of our corruption, as to think we are in danger of falling hereafter into those gross and scandalous sins, which until now we have avoided: thus, many will not stick boastfully to brag, that if Popery and persecution of the truth should again re-enter, yet they should never shrink. But a notable example for this purpose is that of Peter, who had so opened his ears to the voice of his own deceitful and lying heart, that he could not believe Christ himself, the God of truth, forewarning him of his threefold denial — he could not be persuaded there was so much wickedness in his heart. So Hazael, when the Prophet told him he should cruelly rip up the women with child, and dash their children against the stones, as thinking better of himself, than that ever he should break forth into such outrage, answered, not without some indignation, What am I a dog? Indeed that you are, Hazael; and so naturally are all the sons of Adam, in their vicious qualities worse than dogs, bears, tigers. And thus, if our own hearts deceive us not, shall we judge of ourselves, that there is no sin so odious to which of ourselves we are not sufficiently inclined. For original sin, in which we are all bred and born, contains in itself the seeds of all sins, that fearful sin against the Holy Spirit itself not excepted. And therefore by reason of this so corrupt and rotten a nature, we have a disposition, even the best of us, to the vilest and most loathsome sins. One would have thought that the Disciples, in regard of their education and nurture, both under their parents, in honest and frugal trades, and under our Savior, in holy and spiritual learning should have been far enough from surfeit and drunkenness, the sins of swaggerers, and not of sober, civil men, much less godly and zealous ministers. And yet to them our Savior addresses this admonition, Take heed to yourselves that your hearts be not made heavy with surfeit and drunkenness. For they had in them the common poison of nature, and so were liable even to the most shameful and reproachful evils. And yet, for all this, whose heart is there free from this deceit, of thinking himself free enough, and far enough from many, specially hateful, and ignominious sins, as murder, theft, adultery, perjury, apostasy and such like? Would not David, do we think, as well as Peter admonished of his future denial, have made strange of it, if it had been told him beforehand, you shall defile Bathsheba, murder Uriah? Would he not have answered with Hazael, what am I a dog? This deceit is exceeding dangerous, and therefore let us take heed of it. For from where is it, that men oftentimes, as it seems of mild and gentle natures, break forth into great rage, even to murder, and again men of chaste behavior into filthy and brutish uncleanness: from where is this I say, but from this deceitfulness of our hearts, whereby we persuade ourselves, that our nature is not so far poisoned, that it should be likely to bring forth such pestilent evils? And therefore growing secure, and letting up our watchfulness, we are the more easily overthrown. Indeed some sins there are to which we are not so much tempted, as others (as Luther said of himself, that he never felt himself tempted to covetousness:) yet there is no sin, but we may both be tempted to, and through temptation fall into, if God's undergirding hand withdraws itself. As the Apostle notably teaches, exhorting to moderation toward our brothers fallen even into fouler sins, on this ground, Considering yourself that you may be tempted, even with a powerful and prevailing temptation, to fall into your brother's sin (Galatians 6:1). The use then of this point is to take heed of this deceit, and knowing ourselves what we are, to tremble and to fear even those sins, which we least suspect, and to which we find not ourselves so readily carried, as to others. We would be loath to trust a bear or wolf, or any such like beast though by culture and training in their youth their inborn fierceness is something mitigated. Still their natural disposition sticks to them, and that will teach them to do mischief. Why then should we place any such confidence in ourselves, that we shall never break out into such and such evils? We have a schoolmaster within, that natural corruption that cleaves so fast to us, that will be ready to teach us, indeed to urge and force us to the very height of iniquity. Few will so trust their bodies, though never so sound and healthy, but that they will fear even the most dangerous diseases, as the pox, the plague, and such like infections; for they know that even the bodies of the best constitution have matter within, even for the vilest disease to work upon. Assuredly your soul is a far more fruitful seedbed of sins, than your body of diseases. Why then should you suffer yourself to be deceived more in the one than in the other? The heathen Philosopher commended this meditation to his scholars in the hearing of others' faults; have I done any such like thing? A good meditation; but yet, in case this question troubles us not greatly, let us add this other, may I not do the like, or worse? This is the holy fear God's children should have of themselves continually. Such as was that in the eleven disciples, who hearing Christ foretelling, One of you shall betray me, every one in a godly jealousy and suspicion of his own wicked heart, cried out, Master is it I? Master is it I? Here even Peter himself, that a little before could not think his heart so unsound, as to be fit to bring forth the misshapen offspring of fearful denial, now (perhaps something schooled and cooled by the former so vehement and confident prediction of Christ) fears the ugly and terrible monster of fearless and faithless betraying. In this latter fear let us imitate Peter, and not in his former presumption: for when once we shall entertain this deceit, that there are any sins, which we need not greatly fear, then are we nearest to falling into them. And so often it comes to pass, that while we carefully watch against those sins, we see ourselves by strong temptations daily drawn to, and wholly neglect others we think not ourselves so subject to; escaping by watchfulness the greater, through this deceitfulness of our hearts, and the fruit thereof, our security, we fall into the lesser dangers. Surely Lot was in greater danger of uncleanness, living among the impure Sodomites, than solitarily in the mountain, and Noah was in greater danger of drunkenness, living among the drunken sots of the old world, that did nothing else but brutishly eat and drink, than when there was none alive to converse with, but his own family. But yet they were in danger also in their solitariness, as having that within them, without which the evil example of the wicked could not have corrupted them. Among the wicked, evil example endangered them: when from them still their own corruption threatened danger. But note (examples forever to be remembered) because in their solitariness, this deceit of heart took place, that of themselves they were not so frameable to such sins, and so stood not, as in times past upon their guard, hence it came to pass, that they who got the victory in the greater, were shamefully foiled in the lesser conflict; they that overcame two adversaries together, the flesh and the world, were miserably overcome by one of them alone, the flesh without the aid of the world. O then let us deliver our souls from this deceit, and possess them continually with this meditation, There is no garbage so filthy but my heart is a fit sink to receive, no monster so hideous but it is a fit womb to conceive, no weed so poisonful but it is a fit soil to bring forth. Hardly shall he be caught that thus fears the snare. Indeed in evil of punishment that of Job is often true: That which I feared has come upon me. But in the evil of sin, that of Solomon (Proverbs 28), Blessed is he that fears always; how blessed, but in escaping the sin feared? as the opposition there shows: but he that [not fearing] hardens his heart shall fall into evil.