Section 14

SECT. XIV.

I shall Repeat the Method, which we were in before; and under Family-Instruction take in that Family-Government which you are to be studious of. I am

1. To offer some Directions about Family-Instruction.

The Directions to be given hereabout, may be referred to two Heads.

First, The Matter of Family Instruction.

The Family-Instruction, with which we urge our houses to the Service of God, are to have no less than Four things composing of it.

First, There are Holy Lessons, with which we are to Instruct our Families. We are to make them hear, and make them learn those Lessons, which may give to the young ones knowledge and discretion. Teach them the Scriptures of Truth. Twas said to Timothy, in (2 Timothy 3:15), From a Child you have known the Holy Scriptures; No doubt, his godly Mother and Grandmother were the cause of his doing so. We should procure that our Young ones may read the holy Scriptures, and mind the holy Scriptures, and know the holy Scriptures, even from a Child. Let them have by heart, here and there a Verse, or a Paragraph; Especially in the Psalms and in the Proverbs: if you would have them good, teach them the Psalms of David; if you would have them wise, teach them the Proverbs of Solomon. And Scripture-Stories are to be told to them, as soon as ever they enquire after new things and strange.

But while we do thus, we are also to teach them the Doctrines of God. Inculcate upon them the Principles of Religion, as often as you do the Knife on the Stone in the Wheting of it. Twas said to the Lord Jesus, in (Matthew 22:16), Master, You teachest the way of God in Truth. Every Master should render his young ones able to say that to himself, Master, You teachest the Truth of God. Especially, We should be sure that they be not ignorant of any Saving Truths. Tell them, What they are come to by the First Adam, and what they may come to by the Second Adam. Tell them what Covenant man was once, and What Covenant man is now to be saved by. Yes, let none of the Things to be believed, none of the Things to be practised, none of the Things to be prayed for, be left unmentioned in your Instructions. All the Lessons of the Creed, the Commandments, and the Lord's Prayer are to be laid before them. And we are to be particularly faithful to them, in the present Truths; the labouring Truths, the witnessed Truths of the Times, we should see our young ones well informed in. Give them at this day to be sensible, who is the Supreme Head, and King of the Church, and what Orders He has appointed to be observed there.

Secondly, There are serious Questions with which we are to Instruct our Families. And there are peculiarly Two Things which we are to question our young ones about.

Some Questions we are to put to them, First, Which Concern their Souls.

And here, yet further to particularize, We are to try them with Questions about their Understanding. Our Lord Jesus asked his Disciples, in (Matthew 13:51), Have you understood all these things? Thus are we to ask our young people, Do you understand the great Mystery of Godliness? O keep up the great Ordinance of Catechising in your houses. Before your little Folks have left off living upon Milk, let them be so well versed in their Milk for Babes, that they may readily answer any Question there. The Echoes of this Exercise, are a most refreshing Melody in the ears of God himself. Ask we our young ones, What they think of God, and of Christ, and of Themselves; and let them be able to refound the Words of Truth.

We are to search them also with Questions about their Experience. As our Lord asked His Family, in (John 16:31), Do you now believe? So should we ask our young people, Have you Experienced a work of Regeneration in your souls? Ask them, Have you ever yet carried a labouring and heavy-laden soul to the Lord Jesus Christ? It was the Advice of Wisdom, Know the state of your Flocks. Thus, we should endeavour to Know the state of the Souls which we are to be concerned for; to know whether they are in a Natural, or a Renewed state.

Once more, We are to help them with Questions about their Temptations. It was a Question once given to some, in (Luke 24:38), Why do Thoughts arise in your hearts? Even so we should Enquire of our young people, What Thoughts are you most troubled with? Enquire, what Fears, enquire what Snares they are most endangered by. Be always jealous, lest as the serpent beguiled Eve, so their minds be corrupted. Moreover Some Questions we are to put upon them, Secondly, which concern their Lives. It was once an Interrogatory which some were put to, in (Luke 23:17), What manner of communications have you? Thus we are to Examine our young people about the Words and the Works, that fill their Lives. There are especially three things which they should be Examined about; their Prayer, their Time, and their Company; Ask them, whether they live without Prayer or no? Whether in Prayer they secretly and sincerely pour out their souls before the Lord? Ask them, How they spend their Time? How much Idle Time, and how much useful Time, they allow to themselves? And ask them, What their Company is? Whom they sit withal? Whether vain Persons and Fools, or the Saints which are the excellent, and all those that fear God? Our Question will prove their Safeguard, if it be well administred.

Thirdly, There are faithful Reproofs with which we are to Instruct our Families. Tis said in (Proverbs 6:33), The Reproofs of Instruction are the way of life. When we give Instruction, we shall have occasion to give Reproof, too often with it. There is no Family that has not Miscarriages that are to be reproved in it. Young people too commonly are wild people; and without some Castigations they will rarely be kept in order. To some of them smart Words, to others of them smart Blows, will be too often due. Tis said in (Proverbs 13:24), He that spareth his Rod hateth his son; but he that loveth him, chastens him betimes. Frowns are due to all, and Rods to some Transgressors in the Family. But there are two Negative and two Positive Rules to be minded in Reproving of them.

The Negative Rules are these two.

First, reprove not furiously. It is said in (James 1:20), the wrath of man works not the righteousness of God. Remember, nothing will be so well done in a passion, but what may be done better out of it. If you are to chide, yet chide not in a fury. Do not call vile names; much more, do not swear, do not curse, do not rage with a tongue set on fire of hell. If you are to smite, yet smite not in a fury. Bloody, wounding, outrageous buffetings are to be avoided; lest there be cause to say of you, Cursed is their anger for it is fierce, and their wrath for it is cruel.

Secondly, reprove not for ever. It is said in (Psalms 103:9), God will not always chide, neither will He keep his anger for ever. To be always finding faults, is the way never to be curing them. A perpetual wrangling is a continual dropping, which there is no enduring of; it prejudices the minds of them that feel it, against all that shall be said to them.

The positive rules are these two.

First, reprove reasonably. Let there be just cause for it. When you reprove, it must be for a true cause. As it was said of our Savior in (Isaiah 11:3), He shall not reprove after the hearing of His ears. Thus, we may not go by mere hearsay, when we reprove those that are under us. And it must be for a great cause. It is said of the Spirit in (John 16:8), He will reprove the world for sin. The sinful thing, the thing for which the wrath of God comes, the thing which the soul of the Lord hates, this we are to reprove. We must not throw away reproofs upon nothing, or upon every thing.

Secondly, reprove scripturally. It is said in (2 Timothy 3:16), all Scripture is profitable for reproof. A reproof with a Scripture comes with a more than ordinary majesty and authority. When we reprove those that are under us, first, make them read a text which does condemn what we would rebuke, and then set it home with a very warm lively vigorous application.

Fourthly, there are solemn charges with which we are to instruct our families. It was the character which the Lord gives of Abraham, in (Genesis 18:19), I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord. O that this might be said of every householder here; I know him, that he will take all of his house, one by one, and charge every one of them to keep the way of the Lord! What says the Apostle, in (1 Thessalonians 2:11), We charged every one of you, as a father his children. We should call aside our young people, and lay upon them, the charge of David, in (1 Chronicles 28:9), My son, know you the God of your Father, and serve Him with a perfect heart and a willing mind; for the Lord searches all hearts — if you seek Him, He will be found of you, if you forsake Him, He will cast you off for ever.

Charge them; and this especially about four things. Lay upon them that charge of God in (1 John 3:23), This is His commandment, that you believe on the name of his Son. Charge them to accept of Christ Jesus, as their Prince and their Savior; charge them to repair to Christ Jesus for wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. Lay also upon them that charge of God, in (Matthew 6:6), Enter into your closet and pray to your Father in secret. Charge them to retire for their devotions every day; charge them to let not a day pass them, without crying to God for His mercy, and pardon, and salvation. Once more, lay upon them that charge of God, in (Proverbs 1:10), My son, if sinners entice you, consent you not. Charge them, that they be not the companions of fools; charge them that they do not associate themselves into an intimacy and a familiarity with any but such as may be sober, discreet, blameless persons. Finally, lay upon them that charge of God in (Haggai 1:5), Thus says the Lord of hosts, Consider your ways. Charge them, that they consider what their present condition is, and what their future condition is like to be; charge them, that they consider of their past behaviours, and of the death, and judgment, and eternity which is yet before them. A young man has become a real convert by being obliged to consideration for one quarter of an hour in a day. Wish for them, say to them, Oh that they were wise, that they would consider! In a word, let your charge on them, be that, which holy Bolton gave to his children, when he died, I charge you, that at the day of judgment, none of you dare to meet me in an unregenerate estate.

Secondly, the manner of family instruction.

It is to be performed in such a manner, as may best attain the ends of it. Particularly.

First, we are to instruct our families very seasonably. We are told in (Matthew 24:45), the ruler over the household is to give them their meat in due season. There lies much in the time we take for the work. We should indeed have our frequent times, to do it: we should speak what may be for the instruction of our families, every day, and often in a day; and on various occasions be dropping our savoury admonitions. Even when we sit at the table, we should rarely rise without feeding the minds, as well as the mouths of our attendants. Much more at the hours of prayer, we should do something that may make them more acquainted with divine objects than they were before. But we should likewise have our stated times to do it. Especially sacred time will be very properly a stated time for it. On the days of the Lord, we should instruct our houses in the things of the Lord; that were infinitely better than to be sleeping or talking at an idle rate, as then too many do.

But about the stated time for family instruction, there is a double discretion to be used. It is to be dispatched in a quiet time, in a time when there is no disturbance by passions within, or noises without. It is said in (Ecclesiastes 9:16), the words of wise men are heard in quiet: and no wise man will speak when there is not quietness enough to allow an audience for him. And it is to be dispensed in a lively time, in a time when spirits are stirring, and affections are vigorous. It is said in (Romans 12:11), be fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; thus, this piece of service for the Lord, is to be done, when there is a fervency of disposition thereunto.

Secondly, we are to instruct our families very pertinently. Accommodate our instructions to their conditions.

Are there any unconverted persons in our families? Let them be suitably instructed. Say to them as in Psalm 34:11, Hearken to me and I will teach you the fear of the Lord. Let them be warned of the dangers which do threaten their miserable souls; and let them be stirred to the duties that may lay them at the pool, in the way of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Are there any converted persons in our families? Let them too be suitably instructed. We read in John 8:31, Jesus said to the Jews which believed on Him, continue in my word. Let them be quickened to continue in their faith, and love and zeal. Let them have weapons to furnish them against all their difficulties, and cordials to revive them under all their discouragements.

Are there any unfruitful souls, in our families? Instruct them suitably, by setting before them what is the doom of the barren tree, and of the barren ground; even, to be cut down, and burnt up for ever. And say, O glorify your heavenly Father by bringing forth much fruit.

Are there any backsliding souls, in our families? Instruct them suitably, by setting before them the displeasure of God at such as draw back, and His extreme wrath on them whose goodness is as the morning cloud and the early dew; and say, Remember from where you are fallen, repent, and do your first works. Thus are we to suit the case of those whom we give instruction to.

Thirdly, we are to instruct our families very diligently. It is a thing that we are to labor in. It was enjoined in Deuteronomy 6:7, The words which I command you, you shall teach them diligently to your children. It calls for our hearts and our pains. When we set about it, we should think with ourselves, We know not how short our opportunities may be; we know not whether we shall ever speak more to those whom we now direct ourselves to. In this as well as in other such cases, we should hear the voice of our own uncertainty and mortality; it is that in Ecclesiastes 9:10, Do with your might what your hand finds to do, for there is no work, nor wisdom in the grave where you are going. It is the work of the Lord, about which we are, when we are instructing our families, it is not to be done slothfully; we find in Jeremiah 28:10, cursed is the man, who does it so; it is to be done heartily; we find in 2 Chronicles 31:21, that is the way to prosper in it. O let us be as diligent in instructing of our young people, as the emissaries of Hell are in seducing of them.

Fourthly, we are to instruct our families by example. Be exemplary; and follow the directory of that great man, who said in Psalm 101:10, I will walk within my house with a perfect heart. Let our walk, as well as our talk, show the young people with us how they are to walk and to please God; and let us be able to call upon them, Do you follow me, as I follow Christ. Let us give such expressions of love to God and his truths and his ways, that our families may come after us in the like. Let them discern how to seek the face of God, and how to bear the hand of God, and how to prize the word of God, by seeing how we do it ourselves. When Elisha would get for himself a double portion of the spirit in Elijah, he said in (2 Kings 2:10), If you see me, it shall be so to you. O that the sight of us, that the sight of our piety, and gravity might instruct our houses, and help them to a double portion of those graces and virtues which are the fruits of the Spirit. We should study an instructive conversation; and we should never permit a Cham, a young Cham in our families, to see us overcome with drink, disguised with vice, or naked with folly; but in all things we should show ourselves a pattern of good works.

Fifthly, we are to instruct our families with authority. As the minister is to imitate the Lord Jesus Christ, of whom it is said in Matthew 7:29, He taught as one having authority, so should the householder do. And hence we are to keep up our authority in our families; not permitting the child to behave himself proudly against the ancient. It is required in Leviticus 19:3, You shall fear every one his mother and his father; the mother is here put before the father, because commonly she first loses her authority: but neither mother nor father should suffer themselves to be trampled upon. It is an intolerable thing, for a saucy, impudent, unmannerly child to reply, I won't, when a parent bids him do this or that. You sin grievously, if you do not curb and break the wills of them that you are to bring up in the nurture of the Lord; and if you don't make them tremble to break any of your commands. Therefore let there be that wisdom, that meekness, that reservedness, and seriousness in our deportments, with which we may rule well our own house, and have our children in subjection with all gravity. This is that family instruction and family government by which we must bring our houses to serve the Lord.