To the Right Honourable and Christian Lady, My Lady Kenmure — Letter 12

Madam.

Upon the offered opportunity of this worthy bearer I could not omit to answer the heads of your letter. First, I think not much to set down in paper some good things concerning Christ, that sealed and holy thing, and to feed my soul with raw wishes to be one with Christ; for a wish is but broken and half-love. But verily to obey this — 'come and see' — is a harder matter. But oh, I have rather smoke than fire, and guessings rather than real assurances of him. I have little or nothing to say that I am one who has found favor in his eyes. But there is some pining and disordered hunger that makes me miscall and nickname Christ as a changed Lord. But alas, it is ill spoken. I cannot believe without a pledge; I cannot take God's word without a caution, as if Christ had lost and sold his credit, and were not in my books trustworthy and law-abiding. But this is my way, for his way is (Ephesians 1:13): after that you believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. Second, you write that I am filled with knowledge and stand not in need of these warnings. But certainly my light is dim when it comes to close combat. And how many have full coffers and yet empty bellies? Light and the saving use of light are far different. O what need have I to have the ashes blown away from my dying-out fire! I may be a book-man and be an idiot and stark fool in Christ's way. Learning will not beguile Christ; the Bible beguiled the Pharisees, and so may I be misled. Therefore as night-watches hold one another waking by speaking to one another, so have we need to hold one another on foot; sleep steals away the light of watching, even the light that reproves sleeping. I doubt not but more should reach heaven, if they believed not heaven to be at the next door. The world's negative holiness — no adulterer, no murderer, no thief, no cheat — makes men believe they are already glorified saints. But Hebrews chapter 6 may frighten us all, when we hear that men may take of the gifts and common graces of the Holy Spirit and a taste of the powers of the life to come, to hell with them. Here is base silver which yet seems to have the king's image and superscription upon it. Third, I find you complaining of yourself, and it becomes a sinner so to do; I am not against you in that. Sense of death is a close friend and of kin and blood to life; the more sense, the more life; the more sense of sin, the less sin. I would love my pain and soreness and my wounds, however these should bereave me of my night's sleep, better than my wounds without pain. O how sweet a thing it is to give Christ his handful of broken arms and legs and disjointed bones. Fourth, be not afraid for little grace. Christ sows his living seed and he will not lose his seed; if he has the guiding of my stock and estate, it shall not miscarry. Our spilt works, losses, deadness, coldness, wretchedness are the ground which the good husbandman labors. Fifth, you write that his compassions fail not, notwithstanding that your service to Christ miscarries. To which I answer: God forbid that there were buying and selling and bartering for as good again between Christ and us; for then free grace might go play, and a Savior sing dumb, and Christ go and sleep. But we go to heaven with light shoulders, and all the family, and the vessels great and small that we have, are fastened upon the sure nail (Isaiah 23:24). The only danger is that we give grace more ado than God gives it — that is, by turning his grace into wantonness. Sixth, you write that few see your guiltiness, and you cannot be free with many as with me. I answer: blessed be God — Christ and we are not heard before men's courts. It is at home between him and us that pleas are taken away. Grace be with you.

Aberdeen. Yours in his sweet Lord Jesus, S. R.