To the Worthy and Much Honoured Mr. Alexander Colvill of Blair — Letter 96
Much honored sir.
Grace, mercy and peace be to you. The bearer here, M. R. F., is most kind to me; I desire you to thank him. But none is so kind as my only royal King and Master, whose cross is my garland. The King dines with his prisoner and his spikenard casts a smell. He has led me up to such a pitch and notch of joyful communion with himself as I never knew before. When I look back to past times, I judge myself to have been a child at A, B, C with Christ. Worthy sir, pardon me — I dare not conceal it from you, it is as a fire in my bones. In his presence who sees me I speak it: I am pained, pained with the love of Christ; he has made me sick and wounded me. Hunger for Christ outruns faith; I miss faith more than love. O if the three kingdoms would come and see! O if they knew his kindness to my soul! It has pleased him to bring me to this: that I will not strike sails to this world nor flatter it, nor adore this clay idol that fools worship. As I am now disposed, I think I will neither borrow nor lend with it, and yet I get my food from Christ with nurture. For seven times a day I am lifted up and cast down. My dumb Sabbaths burden my heart and make it bleed. I have fearful challenges and jealousies sometimes of Christ's love — that he has cast me over the wall of the vineyard as a dry tree. But this is my infirmity; by his grace I take myself in these ravings. It is natural that faith and love both be sick, and fevers are natural to most joyful communion with Christ. You are blessed who openly confess Christ before the princes of this kingdom, whose eyes are upon you. It is your glory to lift him up on his throne, to carry his train and bear up the hem of his royal robe. He has a hiding place for M. A. C. against the storm. Go on and fear not what man can do. The saints seem to have the worst of it — for apprehensions can make a lie of Christ and of his love — but it is not so. Providence is not rolled upon unequal and crooked wheels; all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Before long we shall see the white side of God's providence. My brother's case has moved me not a little; he wrote to me of your care and kindness. Sir, the prisoner's blessings and prayers I trust shall not go by you. He who is able to keep you and to present you before the presence of his face with joy — establish your heart in the love of Christ.
Aberdeen, February 19, 1637. Yours in his sweet Lord Jesus, S. R.
