To My Lady Boyd — Letter 40

My very honorable and Christian Lady.

Grace, mercy, and peace be to you. I received your letter and am well pleased that your thoughts of Christ stay with you, and that your purpose still is by all means to take the kingdom of heaven by force — which is no small conquest. It is also a degree of watchfulness and thankfulness to observe sleepiness and unthankfulness in oneself. We all have good cause to complain of that false light which plays the thief and steals away the lantern when it comes to the practice of constant walking with God. Our journey is ten times a day broken in pieces; Christ gets only broken, halved, and tired work of us, and alas, too often against the grain. I have been somewhat nearer the bridegroom, but when I draw near and see my vileness, for shame I would be out of his presence again, and yet desire of his soul-refreshing love puts blushing me under an arrest. Oh, what am I — so loathsome a burden of sin — to stand beside such a beautiful and holy Lord, such a high and lofty one who inhabits eternity! But since it pleases Christ to condescend to such a one as me, let shame be laid aside and lose itself in his condescending love. I would heartily be content to keep a corner of the King's hall. Oh, if I were at the far end of my desires, then I should be where Christ my Lord and lover lives and reigns — there I should be eternally gladdened with the sight of his face and satisfied with the surpassing sweetness of his matchless love. But truly now I stand on the near side of my desires, and with a drooping head and panting heart I look up to fair Jesus standing far off from us, while corruption and death shall scour and refine the body of clay and rot out the bones of the old man of sin. In the meantime, we are blessed in sending word to the beloved that we love to love him; and until then there is joy in wooing, seeking, lingering about his house, looking in at the windows, and sending a poor soul's groans and wishes through a hole in the door to Jesus, until God sends a glad meeting. Blessed be God, that after a low ebb and so sad a word — 'Lord Jesus, it is long since I saw you' — even then our wings are growing, and the absence of sweet Jesus breeds a new crop of desires and longings for him. I know no man has a velvet cross, but the cross is made of what God will have it. But truly, though it is not a proper transaction to seek a cross, yet I dare not say, 'Oh that I had liberty to sell Christ's cross,' lest thereby I should also sell joy, comfort, sense of love, patience, and the kind visits of a bridegroom. And therefore blessed be God — we receive crosses unbought and cheaply. Surely it were better to buy crosses for Christ than to sell them, though neither is allowed to us. And as for Christ's joyful coming and going, which your ladyship speaks of, I bear with it as love can permit. It should be enough for me, if I were wise, that Christ will have joy and sorrow share our life equally, and that each should have a portion of our days, as night and day are kindly partners and equal sharers of time, and take it up between them. But if sorrow is the greedier sharer of our days here, I know joy's day shall dawn and more than repay all our sad hours. Let my Lord Jesus, since he will do so, weave my short span of time with white and black, well and woe, with the bridegroom's coming and his sad departure, as warp and woof in one web, and let the rose be neighbored with the thorn. Yet hope — that does not shame — has written a letter of hope to the mourners in Zion, that it shall not be long so. When we are over the water, Christ shall cry down crosses and up heaven forever, and down hell, down death, down sin, down sorrow, and up glory, up life, up joy forevermore. In this hope I sleep quietly in Christ's bosom, until he come who is not slow; and would sleep so, were it not that the noise of the devil and sin's footsteps and the cries of an unbelieving heart awaken me. But for the present I have nothing of which I can accuse Christ's cross. Oh, if I could please myself in Christ only! I hope, Madam, your sons will use their influence for Jesus, for there is no danger, neither is there any conflict between Christ and authority, though our enemies falsely frame the question as if Christ and authority could not abide under one roof. The question is only between Christ and men in authority; authority is for and from Christ and related to him — how then can he make a quarrel with it? No, the truth is, worms and clay gods have risen up against Christ. If the fruit of your ladyship's womb be helpers of Christ, you have good ground to rejoice in God. All your ladyship can expect for your goodwill to me and my brother — a wronged stranger for Christ — is the prayers of a prisoner of Jesus, to whom I commend your ladyship and house and children, and in whom I am.

Aberdeen, September 8, 1637. Madam, yours in Christ, S. R.