To My Lady Boyd — Letter 20
Madam.
Grace, mercy, and peace be to you. The Lord has brought me to Aberdeen, where I see God in few. This town has been chosen on purpose for me; it consists either of papists, or men of Gallio's worthless faith. It is counted wisdom in the most not to countenance a confined minister. But I find Christ neither strange nor unkind, for I have found many faces smile upon me since I came here. I am heavy and sad, considering what is between the Lord and my soul, which none sees but he. I find men have mistaken me. It would be no art (as I now see) to spin small, and make hypocrisy seem a goodly web, and to go through the market as a saint among men, and yet steal quietly to hell without observation. So easy is it to deceive men. I have disputed whether or not I ever knew anything of Christianity, save the letters of that name. Men see but as men, and they call ten twenty, and twenty a hundred. But O to be approved of God in the heart and in sincerity is not an ordinary mercy. My neglects while I had a pulpit, and other things of which I am ashamed to speak, meet me now, so that God makes an honest cross my daily sorrow. And for fear of scandal and stumbling, I must hide this day of the law's pleading. I know not if this court kept within my soul be fenced in Christ's name. If certainty of salvation were to be bought, God knows, if I had ten earths, I would not bargain with God. Like a fool, I believed, under suffering for Christ, that I myself should keep the key of Christ's treasures and take out comforts when I pleased, and eat and be fat. But I see now a sufferer for Christ will be made to know himself, and will be held at the door as well as another poor sinner, and will be glad to eat with the children and to take the side table, and glad so. My blessing on the cross of Christ, that has made me see this. Oh if we could take pains for the kingdom of heaven! But we sit down upon some ordinary marks of God's children, thinking we have as much as will separate us from a reprobate, and so we take the holiday and cry holy-day. And thus the devil casts water on our fire and blunts our zeal and care. But I see heaven is not at the next door. And I see however my challenges be many, I suffer for Christ, and dare hazard my salvation upon it. For sometimes my Lord comes with a fair hour, and O but his love is sweet, delightful, and comfortable! Half a kiss is sweet, but our doting love will not be content of a right to Christ unless we get possession — like the man who will not be content of rights to bought land, except he get also the ridges and acres laid upon his back to carry home with him. However it be, Christ is wise and we are fools; it is foolish and doting to be satisfied with a pledge in the palm of our hand. Living on trust by faith may well content us. Madam, I know your ladyship knows this, and that made me bold to write of it, that others might reap something by my bonds for the truth. For I should desire and I aim at this: to have my Lord well spoken of and honored, however he should make nothing of me but a bridge over a water. Thus recommending your ladyship, your son, and children to his grace, who has honored you with a name and room among the living in Jerusalem, and wishing grace to be with your ladyship, I rest.
Aberdeen. Your ladyship's in his sweetest Lord Jesus, S. R.
