The Eleventh Direction

Do not so much regard the fancies of other men, as what indeed you feel yourselves; for the reason of our discontentment many times, is rather from the fancies of other men than from what we find we want ourselves, we think poverty to be such a great evil, why? Because it is so esteemed by others, more than what people feel in it themselves except they are in extremity of poverty. I'll give you an evident demonstration that almost all the discontent in the world is rather from the fancies of others than from the evil that is upon themselves. You that think your estates to be low and you are thereupon discontent, and it is a grievous affliction to you, but if all men in the world were poorer than you, then you would not be discontent, then you would rejoice in your estates though you had not a penny more than you have. As take a man that can get but his twelve pence a day, and you will say, this were but a poor thing to maintain a family? But suppose there were no man in the world that had more than this, yea that all other men but yourselves had somewhat less wages than you, then you would think your condition pretty good, you should have no more then than you have now. Therefore it appears by this that it's rather from the fancies of other men than what you feel that makes you think your condition to be so grievous, for if all the men in the world looked upon you as happy, more happy than themselves then you would be contented. Oh let not your happiness depend upon the fancies of other men. It is a speech of Chrysostom I remember in this very case. Let us not make the people in this case to be our lords, as we must not make men to be the lords of our faith, so not the lords of our comforts; that is, that our comfort should depend more upon their imaginations, than upon what we feel in ourselves. It may be others think you to be in an afflicted condition, yea but I thank God, for myself I do not so apprehend it. Were it not for the disgrace, disesteem and slightings of other men, my condition would not be so bad to me as now it is. This is that that makes my condition afflictive.

Do not let other people's opinions shape your sense of your condition as much as your own actual experience of it. Much of our discontent comes not from what we actually feel as lacking, but from how others view our circumstances. We think poverty is a great evil — but why? Largely because others esteem it so, more than because of what the poor themselves actually feel, unless the poverty is extreme. Here is a clear demonstration that almost all the discontent in the world comes more from other people's opinions than from the actual hardship we experience. You think your estate is low and feel discontented and afflicted by it — but if every person in the world were poorer than you, you would not be discontented at all. You would actually rejoice in your condition, even with not a penny more than you have now. Take a man who earns only a modest wage each day — you might say that is barely enough to support a family. But suppose there was no one in the world who earned more than that, and in fact most others earned somewhat less than you — then you would consider your condition quite good, even though you would have exactly the same amount as before. This proves that it is largely other people's opinions, and not what you actually feel, that makes your condition seem so grievous. If everyone around you looked on you as fortunate — more fortunate than themselves — you would be content. Do not let your happiness depend on other people's opinions. Chrysostom once said something fitting on exactly this point: just as we must not make other people lords of our faith, we must not make them lords of our comfort. We must not allow our sense of wellbeing to rest more on their imagination of our condition than on what we actually experience. Others may think you are in a miserable condition — but you can say: I thank God, for my own part I do not see it that way. If it were not for the scorn, contempt, and low opinion of others, my condition would not feel so bad to me. It is their disregard that makes it feel afflictive.