Sermon 41: Upon Ephesians Chapter 5

28. Men ought so to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife, loves himself. 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but (rather) he nourishes and cherishes it, as the Lord also does the Church. 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones,

Seeing that the holy scripture exhorts us to be kind-hearted, meek, and patient one to another, and sets before us the example of God, who is reconciled to us in the person of his Son our Lord Jesus Christ, and shows us therewith that Jesus Christ spared not himself, but showed the love that he bore us, and the care that he had of our salvation, in that he gave himself to so hard and bitter a death: it must needs be that our hearts are harder than steel, if they are not softened by it. And yet notwithstanding, all these exhortations cannot suffice us, by reason of our willfulness and corruption. God therefore, to put us to the greater shame, sends us back to the order of nature: as if it were said, that although we had never heard any word of God's mouth, nor ever had had any teaching by holy Scripture: yet ought every one of us to enter into himself, and to consider his own state, for that will be enough to hold us convicted, without any other witness. And that could the heathen men tell us full well: who having neither belief in God, nor any religion, could notwithstanding know well how to say, that the wild beasts make not war one against another. For one wolf eats not another: the bears and lions that live abroad in the wild woods, have a certain thing that holds them in order, so as they hurt not one another. And yet have they no discretion as is among men: but they have as it were a natural [reconstructed: loving] which drives them to love one another, so as every one of them lives (quietly) with his fellow. Now then, must it not needs be that men are altogether out of square, and do despise God and nature, seeing they live like dogs and cats (as they say,) and every man is as a wolf or a fox to his neighbor, so as there is nothing but craftiness and malice, or else utter cruelty? That is the cause why God tells us that we are all of one flesh, and of one kind. And Isaiah uses the same reason, to persuade us to succor our neighbors, and to have pity and compassion of them they stand in any need. You shall not despise your own flesh (says he.) For the furthest stranger in the world is never the more separated from us for all that, but both he and we spring both out of one fountain, and we ought to acknowledge him to be our image. Therefore whoever disdains any man, surely he forgets himself too much, and he knows not what he is, neither is worthy of the honorable degree wherein God has set him. And why? Because he perverts all order. Now if this reason ought to take place in general: much more ought men to be touched to the quick when it is told them what they are, specially seeing they are linked together in a much stricter bond. As if a man should say to a father, How now? If you are so far out of love with your son, that you are unwilling to see him, and disdain to talk with him, and he can find no means to come to atonement with you: what a cruelty is that? For he is your flesh and your blood. And how then can you be so blinded in your excessive mood, as not to consider that God has given him to you as though he had come out of your own person? And to a son it will be said likewise: How now? Is it meet that you should be born into the world, and have room and place among God's children, and in the mean while forget your father that begot you, and by whose means God sent you into the world?

Now the holiest bond that God has set among us, is the bond between man and wife. That is the cause why Saint Paul says, that a man cannot love his wife, but he must love himself: and conversely, that if he despises his wife or hates her, it is all one as if he falls at odds with himself. And is that possible? Previously he had exhorted husbands to do their duties, by having an eye to the example of our Lord Jesus Christ. And he had alleged, that the Son of God had given himself to the death to wash his Church: so that although it was poor and miserable, and full of filth and uncleanness: [illegible] suffered that which was needful for our salvation, he left us moreover a record of the grace which he has purchased for us. Insomuch that in [reconstructed: Baptism] we have a visible token, that the [reconstructed: blood] of our Lord Jesus Christ is our washing and [reconstructed: cleansing]. Can we think upon all these things, and not be moved to some gentleness? Yes if we consider first of all that we are but wretched worms of the earth, and (to be short) that there is nothing in us but utter misery, so as we may well be called vermin, and carcasses full of all corruption and loathsomeness: and afterward compare ourselves with the Son of God: ought there to be any such pride in us, as to esteem and commend ourselves, and to tread others under our feet? Now if this is general to all men (as I said:) what shall it be between man and wife? For the knot that God has knit between them is such, that the husband is (as you would say) but half himself, and may no more separate himself from his wife, than the wife may separate herself from her husband, but each of them must have regard to their own state, as shall be declared in the end, and has been partly declared already. The husband is indeed the head, but the woman is the body. And whereas the head has preeminence and sovereignty over the body, it does not therefore follow, that he should hold scorn of it, or be glad to have it shamed or reproached: for does not the honor of the head extend to the whole body? But now forasmuch as husbands are not sufficiently moved with the reason that is taken of our Lord Jesus Christ: Saint Paul brings them back to their origin.

And since the heathen folk and unbelievers were acquainted with marriage, and had given judgment of it: therefore we need no holy Scripture (says he) to teach us in this behalf, for the ignorant souls which had but natural understanding, and walked as their mother wit directed them, knew that the wife is a piece of the husband, and that there goes an inseparable bond between them, and that the one ought not to forsake the other, unless they will tear themselves in pieces. Seeing that the blind wretches perceived this: what a shame is it for such as are enlightened by God's word, and have been taught familiarly as household folk, even as a father has his eye upon his children: (to be ignorant of it?) Seeing (say I) that God speaks so familiarly to us, and as it were mouth to mouth, so as he shows us his will, and tells us our duty: must it not needs be that we are worse than the [reconstructed: Infidels], and much more grievously to be condemned than they, if we continue [reconstructed: hardhearted], or stop our ears lest we might receive the advice that he gives us? Then let us mark well, that seeing Saint Paul has set us forth our Lord Jesus Christ (for an example,) and told us that he is so given us: it is good reason (considering how we be linked to him) that we should show ourselves willing to follow him, and fashion ourselves like him, by pitying such as are in distress, by bearing patiently with the vices and infirmities of our neighbors, and by relieving such as have need of us, if we may conveniently, and have wherewithal. Let us think well upon that.

Again, since here is mention made of man and wife, let them that are married, consider what damnation is prepared for them, if they be not moved and touched to the quick by the things that are told them here: namely that on the one side the heathen folk shall rise up to give witness against them at the latter day, and that (on the other side) the order of nature teaches them what they have to do: so that if they live not in concord and friendship, as is showed them here, they do (as it were) willfully withstand God, indeed and utterly forget themselves, and become worse than brute beasts. And furthermore let them know also, that since marriage is a figure of the holy union that is between the [reconstructed: Son] of God and all the faithful: the same ought also to hold them in the greater reverence: and although there happen many contentions, yet ought they to subdue them, and to let them lie as dead, and to consider that since our Lord Jesus sits over them, it is to show that wedlock was blessed in such a way by God his father at the first, that he himself also has ratified the same blessing by his death and passion, indeed and reconciled us to God, in such a way as the husband may perceive as it were in a (lively) picture, that he is all one with his wife, however in such a way under the obedience of God, as both of them ought to serve him with one accord, even until they be so far forth as they have come to him, to cleave to him thoroughly in all perfection. Now although such warnings ought to be of great force among us: yet are very few touched with them accordingly. And the world sees it. For let a man look into all households one after another: and where shall he find such friendship as may resemble Jesus Christ and his Church? (Nowhere.) But the man and his wife are (rather) ever jarring and disagreeing. And if there happen to be some fond [reconstructed: affection], yet is there no fear of God, and the least occasion in the world will be enough to set them at odds, so as they shall forget all that is contained here: or (to say the truth) they never once think of it. The love that is between them is led and provoked by their lusts, and not grounded upon any knowledge that they have of the discharging of their duty, that the husband considers how he ought to bear with his wife, how he ought to guide her in the fear of God, and how he ought to love her as a helper allotted to him (for his ease) that he might walk as he ought to do: nor that the wife humbles herself to her husband, or bends her wits to please him, because she perceives that she is expressly given to him, to be a furtherance and not a hindrance to him. There is no talk nor inkling of all this: but if all be well considered, (I say) the common and most ordinary state is, that in every house a man shall find devilishness, cursing, banning, blasphemy, swearing, spitefulness, and harming. And although some [reconstructed: woman] be a fiend toward her neighbors, as well as she is toward her husband: yet if her husband had any wealth or goods by her, he must take her part without discretion, and maintain her quarrel, be it good or bad. I say, a man may see, that this perverseness reigns nearly everywhere.

Again, every man complains of his wife, saying: I cannot live with her, it is a mad beast, there is nothing in her but pride and peevishness, and there is nothing in her but froward stubbornness. I cannot speak a word to her, but she pays me again with four for it. Now surely, such as men make their wives, such have they of them. For were there no more but this that I spoke of, namely that men do (as it were) in spite of God maintain their wives' wrongful quarrels: ought not God to yield them their deserved hire, and to make it rebound back upon their own pates? Whatever I say, if a man marks well every man's ordinary trade of life: he shall find that there may be a sort of fond loves, and a sort of excessive affections, but as for well-ordered friendship, such as depends upon God, and is grounded on his word: hardly shall he among a hundred houses find one, where the husband and the wife are so well qualified. Yet notwithstanding we are inexcusable, if we profit not in this doctrine. So then, every one of us must fight against his unruly affections: and if a man have not such a wife as he could wish, let him understand, that God intends to try his patience by that means and let him consider well, that he behaves himself worse toward our Lord Jesus Christ, who is the husband, to whom all of us are married. And therefore let him not be rigorous toward his wife, seeing that he himself deserves to be so humbled. To be short, let every man so mind this doctrine, that when the husband has not all things in his wife that he desires, he may think thus with himself: yet am I bound to her, indeed and I am not only bound to my wife, but also to God, who is the master of marriage, and to our Lord Jesus Christ, who is as a mirror and lively image of it to us. Therefore am I bound to do my duty toward her, and both to love her, and to bear with her, although there be vices in her. Yet is it not meant, that the husband should foster and feed his wife's vices. For as we must warn and counsel one another: so must there not be any such nearness or linking together, but that if the husband see any thing amiss in his wife, he must at least tell her of it, indeed and rebuke her, and labor and endeavor to bring her into the right way, as much as he can possibly.

But yet however the world go, so long as we are married, this stands continually, that we cannot change the order which our Lord has set, indeed even to be inviolable. Therefore we must not disregard what the persons are: insomuch that although a woman have too rough and sharp a husband, and such a one as deals over hardly with her, yet must she always consider, that he is her husband, and that when God matched them together, he allotted her that portion, because she was worthy of it: and let her also enter into examination of her sins, that she may pray God to take away that rod, and to deal more gently with her. Then like as the wife must on her side continue the bond of marriage, and submit herself, even without respecting what her husband is: so when the husband has not a wife to his liking, let him think likewise, my wife does not her duty, I cannot live with her: but yet does wedlock endure still. Who ordained it? God. Then if I forget my duty, and revenge myself of my wife, or fall to stubbornness without regarding what belongs to my charge: it is not against a mortal creature, that I shall bend myself. When the husband overshoots himself after that sort, surely he fights against God, and endeavors to annul the thing that is inviolable by nature. So then let every one of us put this doctrine better in practice on his own behalf, and let not only married folks, but also all men in general understand, that we cannot estrange ourselves one from another, and become unkind, merciless, and impatient one toward another, but we must be as witless creatures that have no reason nor regard from where they come, or to what end we live in this world. That is the effect of the things which we have to bear in mind.

And if we regarded well the Prophet's reason, surely we should be more moved with this exhortation that is set here: No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it. If every one of us gave himself to consider what care he has of his own person, how tenderly he cherishes all the parts of his body even to the least toe of his foot, how carefully he forecasts that nothing may want him, and how provident he is in all respects for it, so as if any member be ill at ease, he endeavors to remedy it, that he may maintain himself in health: I say, if every one of us bethought himself thoroughly after that fashion: surely then would it be a good teaching to us to do the like to our neighbors, that is to say, to all men: and much more consequently, the fathers to their children, and the children to their fathers, the husbands to their wives, and the wives to their husbands, and so forth mutually according as it has pleased our Lord to link us in nearer bond, as I have said before. And if any body reply hereto, Bah, he, or he is not myself: (I answer,) then must it needs follow that you are no man. For (as I said before) God's creating and maintaining of us, are with condition, that we should be all as one mass. For though there be many fingers and many sinews in a man's body: yet is that no hindrance but that they be all one thing, nor is it any impediment why one member should not succor another as well as itself. For it is unnatural that the body should fall to banding, and to dividing of itself into factions: nor is it possible that it should so. Then if every one of us be so wedded to his own profit, that in the mean while he disdains others through pride, or else be cruel, so as if he see all the miseries in the world, he has no compassion to relieve them, nor can find in his heart to bear with any thing, or to forgive it: is it not a sign that we have forgotten our own nature?

Therefore, to the intent we may fare the better by this doctrine, let us weigh well these words of Saint Paul, that never any man hated his own flesh, but that every man nourishes and cherishes it. Need we a schoolmaster to teach us this? Does God need to send us his Angels from heaven, or need we to take much pain to learn this art or skill? No — we are but too much given to it already by nature. Since it is so, every one of us bears his own evidence rolled in record against himself, and his own indictment ready framed: there shall need no long examination before God. For the more careful that men have been for their own bodies, the more forethought they have had for the maintenance of it, and (to be short) the more signs that they show of loving themselves: the more grievously shall they be condemned before God, because they have not done the like towards them which are their own flesh, even though they were most unknown and of the furthest country in the world, as I said before. And if this be general for all: what shall become of it, when the son sets himself with all outrage and stubbornness against his father, so as he has no meekness to suffer himself to be governed by him, but even utterly shakes him off, for whom he ought to spend himself even to the death? Also when the fathers on their side use nothing but bitterness towards their children, or govern them in such a way as they do but provoke them to impatience: when the husbands deal so roughly with their wives, as it may utterly discourage them, and cast them into sorrow, so as they shall let themselves loose, and fall disorderly to all manner of lewdness: when the women likewise are stiff-necked, and cannot be brought to good order: I say, when these disorders are among us: let us assure ourselves there needs no other record to condemn us, than the care that every one of us has had of himself, in that we have been mindful of our own welfare, and labored earnestly for it, and in the meantime broken the bond that our Lord had set among us, and every one of us drawn alone by himself, and forgotten all duty of loving kindness, insomuch that we would (if we could) have made every one of us a new world. Truly there is no man of that ability, that he can do without the help of his neighbors: and yet we are loath that our neighbors should dwell with us, or even that they should be counted in the number of men: there is not that man which would not reign alone like a Lord. But this unkindness and lewdness are sufficient to show that we are not worthy to enjoy the benefits which God deals to us in this transitory life. For since we are too much wedded to it, and mind it more carefully than we should: we are so guilty, as there is not that man which may open his mouth to reply or to allege any excuse for himself.

And Saint Paul having told us what we ought to know, indeed and to judge of our own nature, returns again to that which he had touched before, that is to say, that such as profess themselves to be members of the body of our Lord Jesus Christ, ought to be persuaded by his example, to live quietly, friendly, and agreeably with their wives. No man (says he) loves himself, but he loves his wife also. Truly God has ordained wedlock, in such a way, as the wife must be as the body of her husband. Therefore if a man love himself, his wife must be matched with him, or else it shall be a monstrous love. It is a thing that men ought most to abhor, that the thing which is most holy in man's life, should be utterly abased. Seeing it is so, he that loves himself, will love his wife. For we are of his flesh, we are of his bones. Here he touches a thing that he spoke not of before. For when he did set down the example of our Lord Jesus Christ, it was in alleging that he spared not himself, but did shed his blood to wash us from our filthiness and uncleanness. We then were defiled and stained before God, and our Lord Jesus Christ found the means to bring us into his favor again. And how? Even by his own bloodshed. But here he alleges another reason, to confirm the matter yet better: which is, that we are bone of his bones, and flesh of his flesh. In so saying, he makes us understand, that when men do their duty, it is to their own benefit. For thereby they may taste the inestimable and infinite grace of God, in that every man according to his degree, does in his marriage represent the union that is between themselves and our Lord Jesus Christ.

The thing therefore which Saint Paul intends, is yet again to remove the hardness of our hearts, by showing us that we cannot enjoy the grace that is purchased for us by our Lord Jesus Christ, unless we live in friendship together, according to the image thereof which we have in the love that he bore us in his death and passion, which surmounts all the love that we can have one to another.

However, before we go any further, let us see why and in what sense Saint Paul says, that we are of the bones of our Lord Jesus Christ, and of his flesh, and members of his body. For he is descended of Adam's lineage, and is called the seed of David. And although he was conceived after a wonderful manner in the womb of the Virgin, yet he took man's flesh upon him, and became very man. However he says, that he is the Son of Man, to show that he has taken a nature that is common to us, wherein he has made himself familiar with us. And indeed (as says the Apostle in the Epistle to the Hebrews) he is not ashamed to call us brothers.

But now let us come to that which is said here. It seems that Saint Paul would make Jesus Christ as it were the root of mankind, so as we should descend from him: for he calls us his offspring. But we have to mark, that inasmuch as our Lord Jesus Christ was shaped of the seed of Abraham, to perform the things that were promised, indeed and that he could not be the Mediator between God and us, except he had been of our nature: (for he could not have amended our misdoings through which we were bound to endless damnation, unless he had clothed himself with our body, and had also a soul, to the end to present himself in the person of all men: and so it was fitting that our Lord Jesus Christ should be our flesh in our body:) we may say that he is of our bones and of our flesh. And why? He is descended from Adam's race, as I said before. But however the case may stand, he was conceived marvelously by the Holy Ghost. However, there is another respect. For yet for all this he ceases not to be the second Adam, as Saint Paul terms him, in making comparison between the grace through which we were restored again, and the deadly fall through which we were all forlorn. He says, that the first Adam did by his transgression make us enemies to God, so as we have no access to him, but should be thrust back, if we pressed to him, and that justly. For where sin reigns, there must needs be as it were irreconcilable division. God being the fountain of all righteousness, cannot match with our iniquities and corruptions. Then there is also a second Adam, who comes to remedy all, that is to say, our Lord Jesus Christ. And how is he the second Adam? For (as I told you before) it is not meant that we should be so bold as to think to press to Jesus Christ, as though we were linked to him of our own nature: but that is done in the power of his Holy Spirit, and not in the substance of his body. Behold then, Jesus Christ has become very man, and has taken upon him the selfsame human nature that ours is: but yet it is not of nature that we are his flesh and his bones: (for we are not descended from him as touching our own substance) but it is of his divine power. Then we must come to this point, that we are bone of the bones of our Lord Jesus Christ, because we are restored in him, and have in him as it were a new and second creation (1 Corinthians 15:21-22).

And Saint Paul (as we shall see hereafter) has an eye to the original of Eve: for she was taken out of Adam's substance, and shaped of one of his ribs. Now then, are we restored by our Lord Jesus Christ? If we consider our first birth whereby we are brought into this world to be mortal men: we cannot say, such is our flesh, unless we are of the seed of them that were before us: but whatever we are, in that seed we are accursed. It is true that Adam was created after the image of God: but yet was that image defaced by sin, so as we are not worthy to be counted among God's works. And the same horrible condemnation is pronounced with his own mouth, where he says, that it repents him that he had made man (Genesis 6:6), as though he disclaimed us all, because we do but infect the earth, and are not so worthy to be mustered in the array of his creatures, as are the worms, lice, fleas, dog-flies, and all other vermin of the world. That then is the benefit which we have by Adam: and as often as it is said, that we are of his seed and of his flesh, it serves to show us, that there is nothing in us but a gulf of cursedness. Now hereupon, if we come to our Lord Jesus Christ, we are restored again, and (as the Scripture speaks of it,) we are made new creatures in him (2 Corinthians 5:17). You see then, that it is by the power of the Spirit, and not by order of nature, nor by any common fashion, that we are of the bone and of the flesh of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the cause why we are members of his body, is that God his Father has ordained and established him as our head. However (as I said before) that is done by a secret power, which we comprehend not but by faith. Then do both these things agree very well: namely, that Jesus Christ is of our bone and of our flesh, in respect that he has taken our human nature upon him, and clothed himself with it, without which we should have no alliance with him. For if we cannot attain to the Angels: how shall we attain to him that is the sovereign head of them? But whereas he has come in such a way to us, that he has vouchsafed to be knit in the bond of brotherhood with us: that is done especially when he works so by the power of his Holy Spirit, that he is our head, and we are gathered together in him, and have a heavenly state, and whereas before we had nothing but of the earth, and consequently had nothing in us but corruption, now we are lifted up on high, and are made the children of God by the grace that is spoken of here, whereas before we were heirs of his wrath, which we hold from our father Adam when we follow his nature, because we are all lost and perverted in him. Thus you see in effect how the two things are to be agreed, wherein there seemed to be some diversity. And indeed if we have not that, what would become of us? How miserable would our state be? I have showed already, that if any man looks well at what is in himself: he shall find nothing there but matter to separate him from God. Now then, until we are of the substance of our Lord Jesus Christ, God must needs hate us and abhor us, and not know us to be of the number and company of his creatures.

Now it remains to see how it comes to pass that we are of the bones of Jesus Christ, and of his flesh. For he is in heaven, and we are here beneath on earth. Again, when we are begotten, every one of us is begotten after the order of nature, he has his father and his mother to come of, and they are of the same race that he is. How then are we of the bones of Jesus Christ? It is not in respect of substance: for if we look upon our own flesh, neither the skin, nor the bones, nor the gristle that we have, do come of the body of our Lord Jesus Christ: but it is in respect that the cursedness which we bring from our mother's womb, and is spread over all Adam's lineage, is taken away by the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, and that with that he has so shed forth the grace of his holy Spirit upon us, that we are enlightened by it. Therefore it is as a quality (as men term it) and not a substance. Every man shall descend of such lineage, and God lets the common order run on still which he appointed at the beginning, namely that men beget one another from issue to issue: but in the meanwhile Jesus Christ renews those whom God his father has chosen, and such as are the members of his own body, and frees them of the corruption which they had taken from Adam. And afterward he gives them such a power, as every one of them feels by faith that he is under the head that is set over us, and that we are gathered all together in him, and his life is given to us, to the intent we should no more live to ourselves, nor to the world, but rather he should live in us, as Saint Paul says of him (2 Corinthians 5:15). You see then that Jesus Christ needs not to come down from heaven, to make us members of his body, nor to diminish his own flesh to make us to grow out of him, and to be shaped of him. For all is done by the wonderful power of his holy Spirit. We draw [reconstructed: not] any thing from the flesh, nor from the body with which he once clothed himself: for that is in heaven, to the intent that we should be fashioned like to the glory that is now in him. But yet for all that he works in such a way, as we have all our strength continually of him. And just as trees draw both their flowers, their leaves, and their fruits from their root: and just as the body of man feels his strength to flow down from the head, so do we feel the virtue and force of the union that is between us and our Lord Jesus Christ, and yet he continues still in his full state all the while. Nor does that hinder us to enjoy the inestimable benefit that Saint Paul magnifies so much in this text. And with that let us bear this point in mind, that it is much when we are (inwardly) stirred up to do every man his duty: for thereby we taste the grace of God which concerns the salvation of our souls.

The matter that is in hand here, is that men should live friendly and agreeably with their wives. And when a husband considers the things that are spoken here, he ought to be provoked, not only to discharge himself of the bond wherein he is bound to God and his wife: but also to think thus with himself: This is such a state that although it be corruptible, and serve but for this transitory life, yet has God set it before us as a lively image wherein I see that Jesus Christ is my head, and that I belong to him, and that not only I am his, but also he is mine, so as his life belongs to me, and (to be short) I am as if I were a member of his body. Seeing then that men in doing their duty towards their wives, and wives also in obeying their husbands, may behold how they are joined to Christ, and that they do the things that belong to the heritage of the kingdom of heaven: must it not needs be that we are too unthankful, if we consider not how our Lord Jesus Christ labors by all means to win us, and to make us walk under his yoke? And moreover he not only allures us by gentle and loving means, to the intent we should take the better courage to serve him, and to do the things that our calling and state require: but also draws us to him, and even in this world, and in the transitory and earthly things, sets before us the everlasting salvation that is prepared for us in heaven, and which was bought so dearly for us by the blood of his only son, to the intent that in the end we should be partakers of the effect and virtue that proceeds from it.

And now let us fall down before the Majesty of our good God, with acknowledgment of our faults, praying him to vouchsafe, so to reform our hearts to goodness, as we may seek nothing but to serve him, and to yield ourselves wholly to the obeying of his holy will, and that it may please him with that so to bear with us in our feebleness, as we having received pity and mercy at his hand, may in the end be able to stand up before his face. And so let us all say, Almighty God heavenly father, etc.