Sermon 39: Upon Ephesians Chapter 5

22. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as to our Lord. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church, and likewise is he the savior of the body. 24. Therefore as the Church is subject to Christ: so also let wives be subject to their husbands in all things: 25. You husbands love your wives, as Christ loved the Church, and gave himself for it. 26. To sanctify it, cleansing it in the washing of water through the word.

We have seen heretofore how every one of us is subject to his neighbors, and that we cannot otherwise live one with another, than by doing some duty as of subjection. And forasmuch as that displeases us, because every one of us covets to be above his fellows, and we set so much store by that loftiness, that it is hard for us to stoop: we have seen also that if we fear God, we must not think it strange, that we should submit ourselves to our neighbors, for God created us with that condition. You see then in general, that charity does so bind us one to another, that we ought not to disdain this man, nor to loathe that man, or to count the third man unworthy to have any service done to him. For as in respect of God, we must either bow down our neck, or else our stubbornness will turn to our decay. And now Saint Paul passes further, and shows that there are certain degrees among men. For although the aforesaid rule does stand generally: that is to say, that every one of us must endeavor to perform his duty: yet notwithstanding, there is also a greater subjection particularly of the son to the father, of the wife to her husband, and of underlings to their superiors, than there is indifferently among all men. I have told you before this, that there is a brotherhood even between the furthest strangers on the earth, because they are all of one common nature, and every man must needs acknowledge himself indebted to others. However, when God has knit folks together in a stricter and holier bond: every man must look more closely to himself. For when a wife is matched to her husband, she is given him for a help, and she is a part of his body. Also there is a special subjection, so that although the husband is superior in authority: yet is that no hindrance but that he also is bound to his wife: for she is his companion both to live and die with him. Likewise is it with children towards their fathers, and with fathers towards their children, each one in his behalf and calling: as subjects towards their princes and superiors, and servants towards their masters. You see then that the thing which we have to treat of as now, is, that we must generally live in charity one with another, endeavoring to discharge the duty that God binds us to, according to our ability: and therewithal, not despise the order that God has set among us, but rather be provoked so much the more to do our duty, knowing that if we refuse that condition, we make war against God.

And now let us come to marriage: which is not a thing ordained by men. We know that God is the author of it, and that it is solemnized in his name, and the Scripture says, it is a holy covenant, and therefore does it call it divine. Now then, if a wife is stubborn and contrary, and cannot find in her heart to bear the yoke: although she does wrong to her husband, yet does she more wrong to God. And why? For it is his will that that bond should be inviolable: and behold, a mortal creature will needs break it, and pluck it asunder. We see then that in so doing, she bends herself against God. On the other side, when the man will needs rule after his own liking and fancy, and despise his wife, or use her cruelly and tyrannically: he shows himself to despise God, and to defy him openly. For he ought to know to what end he was created, what the state of wedlock is, and what law God has set in it. The thing therefore which Saint Paul calls us to, is that in all states we should have regard of God. For so long as our eyes rest upon those with whom we are conversant, surely we shall always find excuses enough and too many, to exempt ourselves from all law. The husband may allege, I have a spiteful and stubborn wife: or else she is proud, and coy, or has a wicked head of her own: or else is talkative. Again, another perhaps is a drunkard, another an idle housewife, and another of some other lewd disposition. To be short, there is not that man which may not have some pretext, if he keeps not the faithfulness and honesty of marriage, as becomes him. The wife also for her part shall not be unprovided. For now and then her husband may happen to be testy and riotous, and to have small regard to what God has called them. Some are ill husbands and hunters of taverns and alehouses: or else play the spendthrifts in gaming and light behavior. Some are whoremongers, some gluttons, and some drunkards. And so every woman might pretend some excuse to exempt herself from her duty. But when we come to God, we must be obliged to cast our heads in our bosom, for it will not avail us to stand arguing against him. Although the men misbehave themselves on the one side, and the women on the other, yet will not God have the marriage to be broken or dissolved thereby, except the divorce (I mean) which our Lord Jesus declares. But the other vices that are in a husband must not impede the wife's subjection and obedience to him. Again, though the wife is not found to be as she ought to be, yet may not the husband shake her off, and rid his hands of her, whatever pretense he alleges: but God's ordinance must always stand firm, and the bond which we have by his word, must be inviolable. This is the thing that we have to remember upon that sentence.

The world sees how ill this lesson is put in use: but we must consider, that the root of the mischief is, that in marriage few or none have an eye to God. Indeed God's name shall run roundly enough, and even the wickedest could find in their hearts that he should bless them and make them to prosper: but that in their marrying they put themselves into his hand and guiding, and call upon him unfeignedly — that is no point of their meaning. Some seek wealth and gain, and others pleasure and voluptuousness. In like case is it with the women. And no marvel though the end be out of all order, when the beginning was so out of square. For God must needs be revenged on his part, when he is so lightly esteemed and despised. Therefore let us learn to mark well this lesson of Saint Paul's, that just as marriage was ordained of God: so they that are to enter into it, must betake themselves wholly to him, and make him their refuge, knowing that it is he which binds the man and the wife the one to the other, and which knits them together, and therefore that either of them look to their own duty.

Whereas he says concerning wives, that they owe subjection to their husbands: we have to mark, that this subjection is double. For man was already the head of the woman even before the sin and fall of Eve and Adam. And Saint Paul alleging the same reason, to show that it is not fitting that the wife should reign in equal degree with her husband, says, that the man came not of the woman, but the woman of the man, and that she is but a piece of his body (1 Timothy 2:13). For God could have created Eve of the earth as well as he did Adam, but he would not. No, rather he matched the man and the woman together with such condition, that the man knowing his wife to be as his own substance and flesh, should be induced thereby to love her, (as we shall see again hereafter:) and that the wife knowing herself to have no other being but of the man, should bear her subjection patiently, and with a willing mind. For if the hand being a member of the body, should refuse to stand in its own place, and would needs settle itself upon the crown of the head — what a thing were it. So then if we look back to the creation of man and woman: the husband on his side ought to be induced to love and cherish his wife as himself: and the wife seeing she was taken out of the substance of the man, ought to submit herself quietly to him, as to her head.

But there is also another bond, which doubles still the subjection of the wife: for we know that she was beguiled. Women therefore must remember, that in being subject to their husbands, they receive the hire of Eve's sin: and they must consider, that if marriage had continued sound and uncorrupt, there had been nothing but joy both for man and wife. For know that things were blessed of God, and there was not anything which should not have turned to gladness and felicity. But now although God's blessings shine forth everywhere both above and beneath: yet are there always tokens of cursing imprinted in them, so as we cannot behold neither heaven nor earth, nor any other creature, but we may partly perceive that God has become a stranger to us, because our father Adam fell from that noble and excellent state, to which he was created before (Genesis 3:6 & 1 Timothy 2:14). This is to be seen everywhere in all things, and especially in marriage. For women ought to feel the fruit of their sins: and men feel enough of it for their part. For surely if Eve and Adam had continued in the righteousness that God had given them, the whole state of this earthly life had been as a Paradise, and marriage had been so beautified, that man and wife being matched together, should have lived in such accord, as we see the angels of heaven do, among whom there is nothing but peace and brotherly love, and even so had it been with us. Therefore as now when a man has a cursed and shrewd wife, whom he cannot manage by any means: he must consider with himself, Lo here the fruits of original sin, and of the corruption that is in myself. And the wife also on her side must think, good reason it is that I should receive the payment that comes of my disobedience towards God, for that I held not myself in his awe. Thus much concerning the word subjection, which is set down here.

Now Saint Paul in saying, As to the Lord, means not to make men equal with God, or with our Lord Jesus Christ: for that were too great an oversight: but he shows that the fear and reverence which a woman ought to bear to God, and the subjection which she owes to her husband, are two things that cannot be put asunder: just as when he exhorted us before to link together in mutual subjection: he added this saying, in the fear of God. And why? For if we pretend to honor God, and to obey him, and in the meanwhile reject and despise our neighbors, so as every one of us is wedded to himself, and will needs be exempted from all law and rule — it is too gross hypocrisy. Also if a wife pretend never so great devotion, and seem to be thoroughly seasoned with the fear of God, and in the meanwhile be a fiend, so as there is nothing but scolding and brawling, and wrangling, and such other things with her at home in her own house: therein she shows herself not to have one spark of the fear of God, inasmuch as she does so hold scorn of her husband who is her head, and as it were God's lieutenant in that behalf (Ephesians 5:21). Therefore let us mark that Saint Paul has not set down this similitude to match husbands (who are mortal creatures, yes and very worms of the earth) in equal degree with Jesus Christ: but to show briefly, that inasmuch as our Lord Jesus has authority over marriage, men must have an eye to him, and every person submit himself patiently, because no man can refuse his part, without despising of him which will have wedlock maintained with mutual duty, so as the man love his wife, and the wife be subject to her husband. That is the heart of the matter which we have to remember upon this point.

Now then let wives look well to their duties, and understand that when they contend with their husbands, it is all one as if they would reject God, because he has not created them otherwise than with condition, and to the end they should be subject to their husbands. True it is that they will be so proud and stately, as to say, Should my husband have my head under his girdle? Indeed, but the wife that does so, shows that she is loath that God should have any authority over her, and would fain put God's law under her foot. However, forasmuch as there is no other shift but women must needs stoop, and understand that the ruin and confusion of all mankind came in on their side, and that through them we are all forlorn, and accused, and banished the kingdom of heaven: when women (say I) do understand that all this came of Eve and of the womankind (as Saint Paul tells us in another place), there is no other way for them but to stoop, and to bear patiently the subjection that God has laid upon them, which is nothing else but a warning to them to keep themselves lowly and mild. But if they lift up themselves against their husbands, and cannot find in their hearts to be ruled by them: it is as it were a setting of their seals to the sin of Adam and Eve, and to the disobedience by them committed, to declare that they are not willing that God should heal that wound again, notwithstanding that it be deadly. Now, when they do so make war against the grace of God: what can come of it but utter confusion? But the wives that are lewd-headed, will not think of that: but yet is it registered before God, and they must be forced to yield an account of it to their utter confusion. And therefore let us look that we keep this warning better, to the end that every man may glorify God in his own house.

Also let the husbands think upon their duty. For although (to speak properly) they are not subject to their wives, because their wives have no authority over them: yet are they advanced to that honor of superiority with certain conditions: namely that they should not be cruel toward their wives, nor think all things granted and lawful which they please, but that their authority should rather be a companionship than a kingship. For doubtless the husband is not his wife's head, to oppress her, or to make no account of her: but let him understand, that the authority which he has, does bind him so much the more to her. For seeing he is the head, he ought to have discretion and skill how to guide his wife and his household. And what is the way to bring that to pass, but to use gentleness and mildness, and to bear discreetly with the frailty which he knows to be in his wife, according as Saint Peter exhorts us. You see then that husbands must so require obedience at their wives' hands, as they themselves must therewith do their own duty, and consider that they shall not be borne with before God, if they give their wives cause to lift up themselves so against them. For it is certain that if the husband deals discreetly and uprightly, the wife shall stoop to him, and our Lord will so dispose her heart, as the house shall be quietly guided. But the first and chief point is, that God be called upon. For though a man use all the means that can be, yet if he trusts to his own wit, he shall but lose his time. And why? Because God will laugh his presumption to scorn. But if husbands consider that God holds folks' hearts in his hand, and bows them as he pleases, and thereupon do pray him to give them grace and power to win their wives, that they may agree with them, and humble themselves to them: then shall they perceive that God works in that behalf. But most commonly it is to be seen, that men deal roughly with their wives, and think to win them by playing the termagants, so as they stick not to bruise their bodies, yes sometimes so that the blood follows. These are hangmen and tormentors that will so martyr their wives: and yet notwithstanding they will allege the superiority that God has given them. That superiority is not devilish, nor does it serve to make men like brute beasts: but to maintain good order and government.

But the women on their side do for the most part harden themselves: and when they are to marry, they never think upon the things that God shows and teaches them by his word: scarcely shall a man find one among a hundred, that prays to God when she is upon the point of marriage. No doubt but they hear it well enough said, that the husband must be the head: and (they themselves will say,) very well: it is true, that if I have a husband, he must be above me, for so is the fashion of the world, and I must abide it. But in the meantime there shall be such overweening, or rather devilish stoutness in them, as they could find in their hearts to pluck God out of his seat, and they would fain that this matter which we read now, were razed out (of the Scripture,) to the intent they might not be subject to it. Indeed and they make a confederacy among themselves in that case, saying: tush, I warrant you, I will hold my own, and if my husband plays the churl with me, he shall well perceive that I don't care about it, and I will hold him at bay so long, that when he sees he does but lose his labor, he shall be forced to give over his game, and to let me alone. After this manner (say I) do women begin to enter into housewifery, so as a man shall scarcely find one among a hundred, which is not of that mind, and does not fully determine upon it.

Also the husband on his side thinks thus: Tush, let me alone, I will manage her well enough. As who should say, he were God: who has told us that there is another manner of discretion to be used in this behalf. For the way for men to win their wives, is not to step to them with stoutness, and to play the bedlams with them, or to use tyranny over them: none of that approach will avail: and yet men think themselves so wise in their own conceit, that they shall scare their wives with a grim look. In short, they dispute of the matter, and in the meantime rob God, as though he had reserved nothing to himself, whereby to teach us to turn to him, to pray him to soften their hearts, and to bow them to obedience and mildness.

Therefore it behoves us to remember the lesson so much the better, which is showed us here. And for the same cause does Saint Paul apply the similitude of our Lord Jesus Christ, as well to the one side as to the other. For he tells the women that it is for their benefit to be so subject to their husbands. And why? Let us consider the spiritual state of the Church. How miserable were our state if we were separated from our Lord Jesus Christ? For we should be bereft of all hope of life, and of all God's benefits. And although we enjoyed many gifts in this world: yet should they turn all to our displeasure, if we were not members of our Lord Jesus Christ. To be short, without the Son of God, there is nothing but scattering here beneath. For he was sent to gather together all things that were scattered before, insomuch that all our happiness, joy, and rest, is to have Jesus Christ reigning over us and ruling us. Now then, there must be an answerableness to this in marriage, and the women must understand, that inasmuch as wedlock is as an image of the spiritual union, which is between us and the Son of God: it is for their benefit to be under their husbands, and to yield them obedience, and that it shall be much more for their profit, than if they were at liberty to govern themselves, and to do what they [reconstructed: wish], without bridling or control. True it is that they cannot conceive it, but who shall be found wiser in the end? God, or women? If they will needs reply, that it were better for them to be in no subjection at all to their husbands, whereas God for all that has ordained otherwise, yes, even for their welfare, and has declared and given sentence that it is so: do they think to get the upper hand in pleading so against God? You see then that Jesus Christ is set down as the Savior of the body, to the end that wives should know, that God has provided better for their necessities, than they are aware of. When they have well chawed their cud, and debated what they can with themselves, and gathered all the reasons that are possible to be had: yet it is certain that they know not so well what is for their own profit, as God does, who has put them in subjection to their husbands, yes, even for their own welfare, so that they should be maintained, which otherwise could not be.

Again on the other side, Saint Paul alleges our Lord Jesus Christ to the husbands also, so that they should not abuse the authority that is granted them, nor break the friendship which ought to be maintained in wedlock, by being over churlish as they are accustomed to be. And the thing that he sets before them in our Lord Jesus Christ, by demanding how he has loved his Church: is first and foremost that he has given himself for it, and that he spared not himself when he took man's flesh upon him. Indeed all power and dominion were given to him, so as all knees must needs bow before him, (as Saint Paul himself says) and all of us both great and small must do him homage: but yet notwithstanding, what has he done for his Church? Did he desire to reign in such sort as to exercise tyranny over us? No: but on the contrary he humbled himself, and whereas he had sovereign dominion over the angels of heaven, he became subject to the Law, and was called a servant, yes and he was utterly emptied for our sakes. Now when we see that God bears us so inestimable love in our Lord Jesus Christ, that he has put himself in the person of a husband, and vouchsafed that we should be as a wife to him: I say, when we see that, should we now which are but worms of the earth and a thing of nothing, refuse to follow the example of the Son of God, who had no regard of his heavenly glory and majesty, to the end to abase himself in such wise for our sakes? So then, it is enough to humble the hearts both of the one party and of the other, if there be not too beastly lewdness, or rather stark devilishness as well in the husbands as in the wives. For considering that our Lord Jesus Christ did so abase himself, for the love that he bore to us which are but carrions and nothing worth: and also has told us that there is nothing better, than for the wives to be subject to their husbands, and the husbands to bear with their wives: if that move them not, it is a sign that they be too beastly high-minded, or rather that there is neither wit nor reason in them. For were there but one drop, surely the thing that Saint Paul tells us, ought to make us amend all things, that might hinder the doing of our duties, as well on the one side as on the other. And were this well regarded: doubtless men should see much more quietness in their houses than they do: and man and wife should not be as cats and dogs in snatching and biting one at another. But the very mischief is, that a man can see no fear of God among them. For ought not men to call to mind both evening and morning, the grace that is showed to us by the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ? And when all together had well thought on it, and set their minds to it, the married men ought also to think (particularly) with themselves, to what end has God showed himself so loving, so kind, and so pitiful towards me? Seeing he has advanced me to such dignity, it is good reason that I should fashion myself like to him. Now he will have me to behave myself towards my wife, as Jesus Christ has behaved himself towards me. Is not this enough to break the hearts that were as hard as stone, yes, or as steel? Yes surely. Likewise if the women on their side were mindful of their redemption and salvation: then should their hard hearts needs be softened, and they would not harden themselves any more to such stubbornness, as they do, but they would submit themselves to the yoke of our Lord Jesus Christ, that they might be partakers of the benefit which he has purchased for them by his death and passion. We see then that when the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is preached to us impartially: most men gain nothing by it, for they forsake it in all their life.

And by the way we have to mark further, that although husbands be froward, and wives untoward to be ruled, yes and utterly incorrigible: yet is that no release to them, that either of them both should not do their duty. As for example: It may be, that if a husband had a gentle and tractable wife (as I touched before,) he on his side could bear with her, and there should be a marvelous good liking and life between them. But perhaps one man will say, he has a drunkard or a glutton, another, that his wife is given to garishness and overmuch bravery, so as all that she can grab and take is too little to trim her and deck her withal: and another, that his wife is an idle housewife, and will do nothing. Well, these things may have some color before men: yes and (as I said before) if the matter concerned but the parties themselves: every one of them might have their defense at hand, to cast off all yoke. But the husband must think in that case, I have an ill disposed woman, or a sot, or one that has neither manners nor good behavior, nor any care at all of her household: but how do I also behave myself, not only in these worldly affairs, but also towards God? Now when the husband shall have thought himself well, and examined his own faults thoroughly: he will hold his peace, and patiently bear with his wife's faults, until God give her the grace to amend them. And in the meantime, however the world go, let him not cease to play the good husband in applying himself to his wife, to win her to God. For he is not set in degree of superiority, but for the benefit and welfare of his yokefellow. And forasmuch as it is an inviolable law, the same reason also must persuade the women. Insomuch that if a woman have a drunkard, or haunter of taverns and tippling houses, or a gamester, or a spendthrift, or a wastrel and a rioter, or a churl that is never in quiet with her, so that, do what she can to obey him and to please him, she can never have any peace or good will at his hand: let her consider, Alas, it is God's scourge upon me, for I have not been as I ought to be in obeying my God, and in submitting myself to his will. For how have I applied myself to serve and honor him? How have I acquitted myself of the charge that he has committed to me? Let the wife think upon those things, and then let her conclude, that however she fare, yet is it not for mortal creatures to break the bond in which God will have us bound: for that were a striving against him. And therefore must I submit myself to him that is my head: and although he be terrible, yet it becomes me to be subject to my God, who has my husband's heart in his hand, and can alter it when he pleases. And I must not provoke him to win me with strokes of the cudgel: for in so doing God would be discontented both with him and me. So then the faults of the wife cannot discharge the husband from keeping the law unbroken which God has ordained, that is to say, from living together both in one accord. Likewise the vices of the husband shall not excuse the wife from yielding subjection and obedience in all things on God's behalf, as is said of it here.

Now Saint Paul, to confirm this exhortation the better, declares how our Lord Jesus Christ is the Savior of the body: namely because he gave himself for the Church, to sanctify it (or to make it holy). Indeed the whole doctrine hereof cannot be dispatched as now. Yet notwithstanding, we have to mark [reconstructed: this], that here Saint Paul shows more at large the thing that he had [reconstructed: mentioned] in one word before: which is, that both the husband and wife may bridle their wicked affections, and that when they are tempted to go [reconstructed: astray], or to fall out one with another, the very means to [reconstructed: overcome] all wicked passions, is to have an eye to the pledge of the spiritual union between our Lord Jesus Christ and us, whereof we will speak more fully hereafter. For here first of all it is said, that we must consider that our Lord Jesus Christ gave himself for us, wherein he begins at our redemption. And therefore we must mark that word for an end as yet, tarrying till after dinner for the dispatch of the rest: for under that word it is shown us first, that our Lord Jesus Christ was (after a sort) mindless of himself, and regarded not his own person, when he went about our salvation. True it is that he was given us of God, who (as it is said in John 3:16) loved the world so well, that he spared not his only son, but gave him to the death for our sakes. Yet notwithstanding, our Lord Jesus Christ also did give himself. No man takes my life from me (says he) but I lay it down (John 10:18). For it was requisite that the sacrifice which he offered for the remission of our sins, should be willing. You see then, that Jesus Christ gave himself to the death: and if we demand the cause, surely it was first to fulfill the will and everlasting determination of God his father. Nevertheless, like as God the father intended the salvation of mankind: so Jesus Christ showed how dear we were to him, and how precious our souls are in his sight, since he vouchsafed to give himself after that fashion. Now then, on the one side the husbands must consider well here what they owe to their wives: that is to say, that they should be as dear to them as their own lives at the least. (And though they do so,) yet shall they not come to the perfection of our Lord Jesus Christ, but follow him a great way behind. And the wives also on their side, must bear well in mind, that forasmuch as it is God's will that [reconstructed: in] wedlock there should be as it were a figure of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ: they are too far [reconstructed: astray], if they submit not themselves where God calls them to it. And by the way let us know also, that Saint Paul meant to magnify God's goodness towards us, and the love that Jesus Christ bears us, in saying that he gave himself for us. And therefore let us acknowledge that it came of the free mercy of God his father, and also that our Lord Jesus Christ respected nothing but our miseries, when he showed himself so pitiful to succor us. If we mind these things, on the one side we shall be moved to our duty without gainsaying, and on the other side inflamed to glorify our God, and acknowledge both with our mouths and also by our whole life, how much we are beholden to him, seeing he has poured out the treasures of his mercy upon us, in so much that he has not only discharged us of the condemnation wherein we were, and drawn us out of death: but also has vouchsafed to give us his well-beloved son for a pledge of his love, and Jesus Christ has taken upon him the office to be the guarantor and ransom for us, to the end to set us clear before God, that the devil also might not have any more against us, notwithstanding that he be our adversary, and we be subject to him, till we be set free from that bondage by means of the said Redeemer.

Now let us fall down before the Majesty of our good God, with acknowledgment of our faults, praying him to make us so to know them, as we may ask him forgiveness of them, and reform ourselves more and more by amending them, and so profit in the doctrine of salvation, as our life may always be fashioned after his law, according to the measure of the grace which we have received of him. And so let us all say, Almighty God heavenly father, etc.