Chapter 15: What Experiences Are to Be Treasured Up

The third sort of precious useful goods, that the Christian is to lay up, is those various experiences, he has in all passages of his life; certainly a Christian may be a great gainer this way, this is a grand duty, a character of solid wisdom, and a means of more. So says the Psalmist, concerning the various acts of divine providence, in (Psalm 107:43), Whoever is wise, and will observe those things, even they shall understand the loving-kindness of the Lord: that is to say, such as set their hearts to consider of the Lord's blessed and embroidered workmanship in the world, have wise and observant spirits, and shall grow still wiser, and see more of God in his dispensations than other men. God opens his secret cabinet to observant Christians, but he is much offended with those that regard not his works, and threatens to destroy them, and not to build them up (Psalm 28:5). But this is too high a work for brutish sottish souls, it is the good soul that lays up experiences, the righteous man, says Solomon, wisely considers the house of the wicked (Proverbs 21:12), that is, he takes notice what becomes of it, how the Lord deals with wicked men, and their houses: and so in all other affairs, both public and private, God's carriage to both good and bad, in mercy and judgment, as Scripture testifies.

But I shall rather keep close to the Christian's personal experiments that relate to himself, and desire every child of God to treasure up experiences of these four sorts —

Namely, 1. Of the vanity of the world. 2. Of the treachery of his heart. 3. Of the bitterness of sin. 4. Of heavenly discoveries.

1. Lay up experiments of the world's vanity, Solomon made such a collection all his life long, and recollects it in his Ecclesiastes, in his declining old age: he had great opportunities, and large faculties that did capacitate him for such an experiment, he knew better than any man breathing, what the flattering world could do for her beloved minions, yet cries out at last, all is vanity, indeed vexing vanity: and the whole book is an induction of particulars, to prove this assertion. And what can the man do that comes after the King? Alas, sirs, if you make the like disquisition, you must needs make the same conclusion; you cannot search more into, nor make more, of the creature, than Solomon, yet he found vanity engraved upon the choicest enjoyment: and have not you also found the like in your time and observation? Well then Christian, rub off the rust and dust of old experiences, read the wise man's last and soundest lectures on the whole creation, and let your dear-bought experiments comment thereupon, and lay up both text and comment in your hearts for after-times. Poor soul, consider, did you ever trust the world, but it deceived you? Has it not failed you at such a time? And disappointed you in such a case? O how did you bless yourself in such an expectation? But alas, you did but grasp the sand or smoke: have you not found riches uncertain? Friends inconstant, relations vanishing? Have you not seen the world passing away, and the triple enjoyments of it, pleasure, profit, and preferment, (just like the sliding stream of a swift river) hastening towards their primitive chaos of vanity and confusion? However men may be bewitched with the world's bravery, yet the Spirit of God judges of it, but as a mere fantasy, or pageant show, or as a mathematical figure, which is but a notion, an idea in the fancy or imagination: at the best it's but an accidental figure without substance. What solid content have you ever found in it? When you have sought to the creature, has it not answered, it's not in me to fill the soul, or do you good? Or at best but like a dream of the night-vision, when the hungry and thirsty think they eat and drink, but are faint when they awake: have not your souls found this too true by sad experience? Why now, lay up these things, produce them out of your store, and learn thereby to trust the world no more. Oh what good may these do you upon a temptation to carnal confidence! Tremble to pierce and prejudice your soul again, never lean upon this broken reed, that will run into your hand and heart, and pierce you with many sorrows here, and be in danger to drown you in eternal perdition (1 Timothy 6:9-10). The truth is, there's nothing answers our desires and hopes in this world, nothing pleases us so well in the fruition, as in the expectation, we find the world but a lie, and the sweetest comforts, lying vanities, and (as one says) our leaning-staff becomes a knocking cudgel. Well then, since you have found it so, look upon it as so, and lay up that experiment.

2. Lay up experiences of the treachery of the heart, read over Mr. Dyke's treatise of the deceitfulness of the heart, and compare your own experiences with that book: But especially read and study well this multifarious book of a base heart, consider and remember those ways of guile and guilt, that have cost your soul so dear: as thus, in such a duty my heart gave me the slip, in such a temptation my heart led away my hand or foot, and caused my flesh to sin, in such an enjoyment my perfidious heart was stolen away, in such an affliction I had discontented risings of heart, and my tumultuous quarrelsome spirit made me to speak unadvisedly with my lips, I'll never trust this deceitful heart again; who but a fool will venture his whole estate with a known thief? What wise man will trust a known juggler? Solomon says, He who trusts in his own heart is a fool: and I shall be the most arrant fool that breathes, if after so many cheating tricks, I should confide in this perfidious traitor. Ah Christian, I appeal to your own experience, how many a woeful instance have you had of the heart's deceitfulness? It is apt to deceive, and as easy to be deceived, and self-deceit is the most dangerous: the heart, since the fall, is naturally of a various, subtle, and fickle temper, and is still made worse and worse by the deceitfulness of sin (Hebrews 3:13), which is as it were woven and twisted in the frame and constitution thereof, and so those two cheats conspire to undo the poor soul: and were not God a more fast friend to the saint, than he is to himself, there were no salvation for a sorry sinner: for every man is a Satan to himself, and the sincere saint will pray most (with Divine Austin) to be delivered from that evil man himself; and is more afraid of the folly that is bound up in his own heart, than of assaults from without: and indeed the reason of a soul's self-confidence, is self-ignorance, or not laying up experiences of the heart's deceitfulness; the truth is, a poor self-deceiving sinner dares not look into his heart, lest he find not things there as he fancies, or would persuade himself, but puts all to the venture, like a desperate bankrupt; but a child of God cannot but see this treachery that others hide or counterfeit, and willingly sees it, and as sadly laments it, and as watchfully avoids those deceits: observe it, though deceivings by the heart be bad, yet observing and laying up such sad experiments is certainly good, and of singular use to the sincere and serious soul: the Lord help us all so to note, and be afraid of our naughty spirits, that we may trust them less, and God more, while we live.

3. Lay up experiences of sin's bitterness: consider what were the insinuating ways of sin and Satan to entangle you, and the sad effects of sin, what tears, and groans, and bitter bickerings it cost your captivated souls, to extricate yourselves, and regulate your state: Oh the intricate windings of that crooked serpent? What strange and subtle methods and devices did Satan use, to trap and overtake you with his fresh and furious assaults! How often has he presented the bait and hid the hook, has he not set before your credulous souls, the pleasure or profit of a base lust? Has he not extenuated sin at first to bring you to commit it, and afterwards aggravated it to drive you to despair? Sin does cheat us with golden mountains, as one says, but leaves us in the suds at last: the first act of delightful conception ends in painful or mortal travel under divine indignation: though sin was delightful at the first, yet it always proved bitterness in the end. Ask your own hearts, what fruit had you of those things of which you are now ashamed? The awakened conscience will answer the end of those things is death, deadly pain, or eternal death, repentance, or vengeance: your wild oats sown in youth with delight, rose up in bitter hemlock and wormwood; though wickedness was sweet in the mouth, yet it is turned to be as the gall of asps within: indeed the cruel venom of asps, as Moses testifies, that is, capital, deadly, biting poison, so it proves. Oh the dreadful stings and pangs that sin left behind it! With what fears and tears, terrors and horrors did it fill the poor penitent soul! What broken bones and affrighting cares had the offending prodigal before he was admitted into his father's sweet embraces! How long did the humble suitor lie at the gates of mercy before he could get admission! Or see the King's face, or obtain the joy of God's salvation? Not that God is so hard to be entreated, or delights in a poor creature's malady or misery, but that he may affect the heart with the evil of sin, stir up more longings after grace, prize Christ and pardon, and learn to sin no more; therefore he keeps the soul long in suspense, even when his bowels yearn upon it, as Joseph's did upon his brethren, upon the like ground, as he dealt with Miriam in healing her body of the leprosy, if her father, says he, had but spit in her face, should she not be ashamed seven days (Numbers 12:14). Thus God would have us to know, the worth of his favor, by the want of it for a season: surely, sirs, if you would lay these sad experiments in store, it would prove a notable antidote against the next assault: the burnt child will dread the fire. Oh what sin-abhorring resolutions had the penitent soul in its deep humiliations? If you had come to David while he was bathing himself in briny tears, and said, what do you say now to murder? How do you like your fleshly lusts? Will you buy repentance at so dear a rate? And fall again into uncleanness? Would he not have answered, O no, God forbid that I should sin again? I will be racked or torn in pieces, rather than dishonor my God, grieve his spirit, and fill my poor soul with such tormenting troubles. Certainly, when poor David was roaring, by reason of the disquiet of his spirit, when there was no rest in his bones because of his sin, he had other thoughts of his sin now, than when he was entering and adventuring upon the act, or engaged in it: there's no man so brutish scarce, but will abstain from that which experience tells him has done him hurt: a wise man will forbear stale drink when he knows infallibly it will cast him into a fit of the stone. So the Christian that has laid up experiences how dear sin has cost him, will thus argue, I remember what an ill condition sin brought me into, I had need sin no more lest a worse thing come to me: sin broke my bones, but now if I sin again I fear it will break my neck, sin filled my soul with heart-shaking fears; but I may expect it will now fill me with heart-desolating despair: it brought a hell into my conscience before, but now I fear it will cast my soul into hell. Lay up and make use of these sad experiments, and I may then almost say, Sin if you dare.

4. Lay up divine discoveries, which your souls have had sweet and satisfying experiences of: if you be Christians, such you have had, I dare say, and you dare not deny: I find very many precious saints that have kept a diary of God's dealings with their souls, as Reverend Mr. Carter, and many others: there are two sorts of experiences that I shall commend to you to treasure up: 1. Special providences; 2. Spiritual influences.

1. You are to lay up experiments of God's gracious providence about you; the wise God has so disposed of affairs concerning his people, that one part of our lives may help us in another, the van and former part of our days may contribute to bring up the rear and remainder of them: as thus, the soul argues, The Lord has helped in such a strait, directed in such a doubt, prevented such a fear, broken such a snare, and he is the same God still; and will help for the future. Let the saints set up some [Ebenezer] stone of help, as a memorial of former goodness. Let souls make use of the excellent Scripture logic, Has, Does and Will Deliver; write down signal providences, or lock them up in the safe chest of a sanctified memory, and produce them when you are nonplussed, and have your back to the wall. Sweet experiences of past deliverances are not the least part of a Christian's treasure: though I would not have you dote upon them, or imagine that God can go no further than he has gone, which may more daunt you in new and greater troubles, yet nonetheless, do not despise them, and slight them, but lay them up and plead them with the Lord as the church often does. One part of Psalm 74 is a sad complaint of God's anger, and the church's affliction; the other part is an encouraging rehearsal of former providences. Thus the assistance formerly vouchsafed proves an argument for the saints' future encouragement.

You must also lay up experiences of soul-enlargement and refreshing comforts: as thus, In such an ordinance I met with God, and beheld his reconciled face: In such a duty my graces were quickened, exercised, increased: In such a chamber or closet my heart was warmed, melted, satisfied: In such a company, with such a society was my soul enlarged, resolved, and sweetly transported beyond myself: Oh what a blessed day or night was that to me, when I had the kisses of God's mouth, the smiles of his face, and had a clear acquittance sealed to my conscience of the remission of my sins! I well remember it, and my heart dances within me to think of the sweet days of mutual intercourse that God and I have had together! These are not always to be expected, such sweetmeats of divine joy are not a Christian's constant common fare, a pining time may come, I'll make much of, and long store up such sweet and secret hints of love against a time of need. God forbid that I should lose this token for good, this broken [reconstructed: ring], this pledge from Heaven: this may stand me in stead in a dark and gloomy day, when the Lord shall frown upon me as an enemy, and put me from him as though he would forsake me, then will I say to God, as Job, You know that I am not wicked, Lord, do you use to deal so with wicked men, or reveal yourself thus to them that know you not? Are you accustomed to stir up in the careless world, such penitent bemoanings, such ardent breathings, and such vehement pantings after yourself? And have you ever given in such familiar discoveries to unregenerate souls, as my heart has had experience of many a time? And is this the manner of man, O Lord? Are these your ways with unsanctified souls? Will you hold communion with those that never were united to you? Does not such communion presuppose a union? Either these experiences are false and counterfeit, or I am yours, for whom you love once, you love to the end: though I be fickle and inconstant yet you are the same, and unchangeable in your love; now I dare not say that all these sweet experiences are mere fictions, dreams and shadows, no, God forbid; I humbly hope they were genuine evidences of your special love, arising from and built upon the Word and Spirit, indeed they carried their evidence along with them, and left such stamps upon my soul as can never be forgotten or worn off: I can appeal to yourself, O Lord, if such passages were not between yourself and my heart, which no creature upon earth has known of; and since you cannot deny your own name engraved on my heart, and sealed sweetly to me, I commit the matter wholly to you, though now you seem to carry strangely towards me, as though you had quite cast me off, yet you are my God still, my loving Father, and only friend, I cannot part from you, I will not let you go; there was once love between us, and though now in wisdom and faithfulness you seem to smother your bowels of mercy, and restrain the effects of your love, yet you have the same heart now as you used to have, I know it by the workings I feel in my own breast towards you; And therefore Lord I hang upon you, and plead (with David) Where are your former loving-kindnesses which you showed to me? (Psalm 89:49)

Thus, Christians, thus lay up, and thus draw forth your sweet experiences in such a time of need, in this night of desertion, as Tamar once did produce Judah's staff, signet, and bracelets, as her pledge when she was brought out to be burnt (Genesis 38:25). O Sirs, when God deals graciously with you, cast not these precious love-tokens at your heels, as whorish spirits do, but lay up these testimonies of love, sent from your Husband Christ, among your choicest treasures, that you may produce them as occasion serves.