Chapter 12: Thoughtful's Struggle to Receive Godliness

Showing how poor Thoughtful, though he had embraced Consideration, and was resolved to receive Godliness into his house, was hindered by one Old-Man, Wilful Will, Carnal Affections and Apollyon; also showing how he met with his good friend Laborious, who did what he could to help him, but had not prevailed, had it not been for another who came in to his assistance.

Thoughtful having with much joy and gladness embraced Consideration, and most bravely overcome the snares and impediments, those adversaries (we mentioned before) laid in his way, was now resolved to receive True Godliness, and speedily close with Jesus Christ; but lo! on a sudden, other enemies (that seemed to lie still in his house before) rose up and made strong opposition against his entertaining this new guest: But as he met with fresh opposition from other enemies, whose names were Old-man, Carnal Affections, and Wilful Will, all stirred up by the envious and black Prince Apollyon, and other powers of darkness, so he had by the means of Consideration, and the light of God's Word, some new friends to help and assist him; their names were Conscience, Informed Judgment, alias Enlightened Understanding. Now Apollyon being in great fear that Thoughtful, by the help of Consideration, Conscience, and Enlightened Understanding, would embrace True Godliness, rose up in great fury, and spoke to the rest of the infernal crew to this purpose;

Most mighty powers, who once from Heaven fell! To raise this throne and monarchy in Hell; Bestir yourselves with speed, or all is gone, For Thoughtful has almost the battle won: It is hateful in my sight to think that we Should by this thinking Thoughtful worsted be; Shall Godliness, that cursed foe of ours Prevail against all Hell's infernal powers? I swear in spite of Heaven it shall not be — And presently he rose from off his seat, Ready to burst with rage and malice great, And cast a terrible look on Thoughtful, who Stood musing still, but knew not what to do; At this another fiend stepped in and said, Let never a devil of us be afraid; Lo, don't you see the unwary wretch does lie Open to your arms in great security. What though some ground is lost? we'll seek about To find some way to keep this traveller out. We in the house have a strong party yet, Who in our bands keep his unwary feet: But sad it is the wretch such light should see, As to perceive his woeful misery. We must bestir us, and give new directions, And by all means keep fast his soul's affections. Affliction still by Old-man is directed, And Wilful Will to us is well affected, Let us pursue our present enterprise With all the power and craft we can devise. This Consideration has the mischief done, Whom I do wish all plagues to light upon.

Apollyon and all the powers of Hell having thus combined together, to find out new ways to prevent Thoughtful from receiving True Godliness, endeavoured to stir up Old-man, and his cursed darling Carnal Affections, to do what they could to place his mind and thoughts upon the perishing things of this life: which being done, this put poor Thoughtful to a stand; one while he was resolved to open the door, but then on a sudden his heart was captivated with the pleasures and delights of this life, which came to pass by reason his affections were not yet thoroughly changed, nor the evil qualities of his soul removed; for Old-man had grievously corrupted all the powers and faculties thereof, which Godliness (who with patience waiting still at his door) perceiving, asked him what the matter was he did not let him come in.

Thoughtful answered, he was hindered by a base fellow that he had got in his house.

Upon this, Godliness and he fell into a serious discourse again.

Godli.: Who is it Thoughtful, that obstructs my being received?

Thoughtful: His name is Old-man.

Godli.: He is indeed, I know, my grand enemy and has been near this 6000 years; (for so old this villain is) and there is not one in all the world that has done me more wrong, to tell you plainly, than he and his cursed daughter Carnal Affections.

Thoughtful: Ay Sir, but I find also one Wilful-will is utterly against your coming in; Lord what will become of me, I know you are a person worthy of entertainment; and O who am I that you should come to be guests to such a vile and unworthy wretch.

Godliness: No, Thoughtful, I do not stand alone, but here are others waiting at your door to come in with me also, who are persons of no mean quality.

Thoughtful: Others, pray, who are they?

Godli.: Why here is my Father the Eternal Jehovah, with Jesus Christ, the Prince of the Kings of the Earth, and the Holy Spirit (Revelation 3:30).

Thoughtful: Lord, what shall I do? O infinite and admirable grace and condescension! God and Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost at my door, and I not let them in, O this is an amazing consideration!

Godli.: No, Thoughtful, it is so, and more I must tell you, they have been waiting here a long time, even ever since I came first to knock at your door, and I told you so too, but I perceive your memory proves false to you; likewise, he is doubtless misled by that base Old-man; but if you do not open to me the sooner, they will leave you, for they never come into any man's house who keep their doors shut against True Godliness. Why do you not knock the Old-man down, and lay him a bleeding, it is not enough to cry, What, Lord, shall I do? but you must shake off that lazy fellow Sloth, and like a brave and courageous soul acquit yourself.

Thoughtful: Alas, what can I do, this Old-man is too strong for me, and Wilful-will is a very stubborn fellow too, I am no match for them.

Godliness: Why, I will tell you, there is one in your house that will help you, if you hearken to him.

Thoughtful: What is his name Sir?

Godli.: His name is Conscience.

Thoughtful: Sir, I know him very well, he has since his eyes were opened been a very good friend to me. But for a great while he lay in my house as one dead, and I found his eyes almost quite put out by that cursed Old-man; but all that he can do is not sufficient without further help.

Godli.: You say right, thank Enlightened Understanding for that; Consideration, by bringing you to read and hear God's Holy Word, opened his eyes also, but is there never another friend of mine in your house, who can lend you a little assistance in this time of need.

Thoughtful: Alas Sir, who have I else that can do anything for me, for my house is full of cursed adversaries; never was a cage fuller of unclean and hateful birds, than my house, I mean my heart, is full of base and filthy enemies to True Godliness.

Godli.: You say right, I believe you, poor Thoughtful; but pray tell, see if you cannot find a Friend that I dearly love, and have a long time sought for.

Thoughtful,: Pray Sir, who is that, tell me his Name.

Godli.: His Name is Endeavour alias Laborious, you cannot, Thoughtful, imagine what great things he has done at a dead lift; O, I love him dearly, he helped Noah to build the Ark, and Jacob to get the blessing and to wrestle with the Angel, and to prevail too; and Solomon to build the Temple, Consideration, it is true, caused David to think on his ways, but it was Endeavour that turned his foot to keep God's statutes; Consideration also brought the poor Prodigal to his right mind, but it was my Friend Endeavour that sent him home to his Father's House; it was he that made him find his feet; indeed, I could tell you, I have taught him to get many a blessing by Prayer. Pray tell, who was that got the three Loaves in the Gospel, was it not this importunate Laborious? Was it not he likewise that made the poor Widow to prevail with the unjust Judge, to avenge her of her Adversary; indeed, in a word, the Promise of God is made to him, If you follow on to know the Lord, then you shall know him. It is this diligent, painstaking person that makes men (with God's blessing) rich, I mean spiritually rich; and this I must tell you too, unless you can get his help, I shall never come into your House; I do not say, Thoughtful, that he is of himself able to open the door: but the promise of better assistance is made to this my dear Friend sweet Endeavour, have you never read in Aesop's Fables of a man that was fallen into a ditch, and lying there almost drowned, he called to Jupiter to help him out; But Jupiter answered, Endeavour to get out, and Jupiter will help you. Though it is but a Fable, yet the Moral is very teachable. Now what do you say, Thoughtful, can you find your good Friend Endeavour.

Thoughtful,: Truly Sir, now I think of it, I hope I have, but he has been here but a little time, if I have found him, and God knows too much neglected by me, for I did not understand its great worth till now. But pray, wherein will he be so useful to me: What are his Properties?

Godli.: Why he commonly stirs up men to do what they can to open the door to me, he is a great enemy to Sloth and Idleness, causing men to watch their hearts, and keep the door of their mouths; he makes them rise early in the morning to call upon God, and to read God's Word, and pry into it very diligently, and also to do what they can to bridle all the unruly passions of their hearts; he will cause you to incline your ear to what Conscience says, and make you tremble at his Reproofs and Accusations when you sin against God, if you will but take his Counsel. He will also cause you to go to hear sermons, and not to sleep when you come there, nor neglect nor slight convictions, nor be careless and remiss in any duty, and will put you in a way to kill the Old-man with all his deeds.

Thoughtful,: O Sir, this is the Friend I want and blessed be God, I have found him, I am resolved to make use of his help and assistance continually. Now Old-man, look to yourself, Laborious, I hope, will do your Business, and I shall quickly prevail, and open the door to True Godliness. Upon this he became very diligent in attending upon all the means of Grace. Moreover, by the help of Endeavour he cut off some one or two of the Members of Old-man, that cursed body of sin, and prayed Morning and Evening, eschewing all open profaneness and scandalous sins, and would not speak at random with his Tongue, nor neglect to hear one good sermon, if possible he could get an opportunity, and became mighty just in all his dealings and commerce with men. But soon upon this Apollyon, by the treachery of Old-man, raised up another Enemy which had almost insensibly undone him; his Name was Self-righteousness, a very great Enemy to True Godliness; which Godliness soon perceived, and called upon him, to open the door, for it appears he had not received him yet.

Godli.: Thoughtful, What is the cause of this great neglect? What, shall I not yet be received? O what a long time have I stood at your Door, what is the matter now?

Thoughtful,: Truly Sir, I concluded now the door had been open, by the help of my good Friend Laborious, for I have done what he required of me.

Godli.: No, no, Thoughtful, I am still kept out, Wilful Will and Old-man have beguiled you, and have let in another dangerous Enemy, whose name is Self-righteousness; this was he that quite undid poor Legalist, and will ruin you too, if you take not heed, I would not have you to slight Endeavour, but not to make an Idol of Endeavour. If you be found in your own Righteousness, you will be lost by your own unrighteousness; Duties can never have too much of your diligence, nor too little of your dependence; it is not the salt Seas of your own Tears, but the Red Sea of Christ's Blood must wash away your sins. You owe the life of your Soul, to the death of your Savior. If you have no better Righteousness than what is of your own providing, you will meet with no higher happiness than what is of your own deserving; you must take up duties in point of performance, but lay them all down again in point of dependence. There is as much cause to fear you now as ever there was before — what will you do?

Thoughtful.: Lord help me, what shall I do indeed? O how are many deceived, who think it is an easy thing to be saved; surely I shall never obtain to a state of Grace and true Conversion. Upon this a melancholy and very dangerous fellow (called Despond) fell upon him, and almost knocked him down; indeed, I perceive he broke some of his Bones, wounding him so grievously, that he was left bleeding in such a sort, that he concluded there was no hope of life. At this he was wonderfully overwhelmed with trouble, and that which grieved him most of all, was, to think, that all this time, not only True Godliness, but Christ himself also waited at his door. Godliness perceiving what a sad condition he was in, spoke to him after this manner:

Godliness: Poor Thoughtful, do not give way to Apollyon, that cursed Prince of darkness, for 'tis he who has stirred up that cruel enemy Despond to take away your life; that bloody villain has sent many thousand souls to hell. Come, though your own righteousness is worth nothing, being but like filthy rags, yet Christ's righteousness is sufficient to cover you, and his blood to heal all your wounds. Your great business is to believe, namely, wholly to go out of yourself, and rely upon Christ's blessed merits; and know assuredly, that that very moment you do cast yourself, by a lively act of faith, upon Jesus Christ, I shall come into your house.

Thoughtful: Christ's righteousness has more worth in it to save you, and raise you up to heaven, than your own unrighteousness has weight to cast you down to hell. You say you are a great black and bloody sinner, but you can be but a sinner, and Christ died for sinners, and never any threw themselves by an act of true faith upon him, but were saved by him; alas, he died for the chiefest of sinners; and do you not hear him say, Come to me all you that labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest (Matthew 11:28-29). Sir, he that believes not, makes God a liar, for he has said, in his Son, there is life and salvation for you, and all that come to God by him.

Thoughtful: O that I could believe! my sins! my sins! No sooner had Godliness showed him what it was to open the door, and laid before him the necessity of Faith, in order to union with God, but Apollyon, with the Old Man, and other cursed enemies, began to cause dreadful Combustions in his house; for nothing does the Devil fear more than true Faith; and Thoughtful finding it very hard to believe, Wilful-will being such a stubborn, crooked and perverse fellow; also Apollyon tried his skill many other ways to undo him, so that he was hard beset; but when Apollyon saw none of those ways were like to do, he laid before him the outward danger he would be in, if True Godliness was embraced; he told him, he was like to suffer great Persecution, it being the portion of all who entertained True Godliness, in so much that his very life might be in danger; but Godliness comforted him sweetly with many precious promises; telling him also he had such a glorious Retinue to attend him, which he would bring into his House with him, that he need not to fear any difficulty, provided that he would but let him in; but he seeing he was not able to open the door, his enemies being too strong for him, notwithstanding his own strength. To his joy he told him, there was one friend of his, whom, if he could prevail with to come into his assistance, he would soon make the way clear, and open the door. Who is that? said Thoughtful. Godliness then discovered immediately, the excellency of his Person, and the nature of his Operations, by which he soon understood it was the Holy Ghost; upon this he was not a little glad, but presently cried out as one whose life is in danger, to God to send the Holy Spirit to assist him, O Lord, the Spirit, the holy Spirit, now Lord! thus he cried, and presently there was strange strugglings indeed, yea, such a conflict, that he never met with in all his life, Judgment in the combat behaved himself bravely; Consideration was not wanting; Conscience laid on home blows, being backed with Endeavour, alias Laborious; but at last, in the middle of the battle, in comes the Holy Spirit, and with him Faith, and some other of Godliness's Attendants, and the door flew open, and Old Man immediately went to the walls, crying out quarter, pleading his great Age, but had no mercy showed him. Wilful-will straightway subjected himself (that Scripture being made good, My people shall be willing in the day of my power) and became Thoughtful's very good Servant, Carnal Affections changed their minds, and were made heavenly, and so they abode, to his great joy, until his dying day. True Godliness being now entered into his House, with his Attendance, Thoughtful was not a little comforted. Now Godliness's Retinue, who came immediately in with him, were these following (some of which you had an account of before) namely: Heavenly New-man, True-love, Innocency, Humility, Sobriety, Sincerity, Temperance, Self-clearing, Faithful, Excellent Knowledge, Blessed Experience, Godly Zeal, Filial Fear, Precious Promises, Holy Revenge, Vehement Desire, Constant Supplication, Spiritual Indignation, Christian Courage, Sincere Aim and Ends, Careful, Patience, Hospitality, Stability, Charity, Liberality, Chastity, Purity, Holy Sympathy, Wake-man, Watch-well, Peaceable, Harmless, Gentleness, Brotherly-kindness, and Love-all; besides several others of like quality and by reason these, as I formerly told you, were all great Nobles, or Persons highly descended, being the Offspring of Heaven; they had I perceived also a most glorious Attendance to accompany them; and to the end you may know what a happy man poor Thoughtful is now become, and with him every true Christian, I shall let you know who they were. The first I saw was the Father of true Godliness, for he always dwells where he dwells, and abides with this his glorious and heavenly Attendance. Secondly, the Lord Jesus Christ which brought that word to my remembrance, If any man loves me, he will keep my Words: and my Father will love him, and we will come to him, and make our abode with him. Also the other word, I will come in to him, and Sup with him, and he with me. 3. The Holy Spirit, for he also is said to dwell in us; and besides these, there was, 4. Justification, 5. Reconciliation, 6. Acceptation, 7. Union and, 8. Communion with the Father and Son, 9. Adoption, 10. Pardon of Sin, 11. The Image of God, 12. Peace of Conscience, 13. And Joy in the Holy Ghost, 14. Free access to the Throne of Grace, 15. A place in the heavenly Family, 16. Fellowship with Saints, 17. The earnest and sealings of the Spirit, 18. Increase of Grace, 19. The Attendance of an innumerable company of Angels, 20. Divine Protection or sure Refuge in God, 21. A full assurance of Heaven, but was a great while before he could see him, he lay hid it appears, though he came in with the rest, 22. Lastly, Final Perseverance. But lo, I looked, and beheld a good way off, I espied another glorious Train followed, In the midst of which I plainly discerned among others (whose Glory was so great I could not behold them) these following, Immortality, Incorruption, Perfection, Glorious Victory, Heavenly Triumph, the Beatific Vision, Rivers of Pleasures, The Tree of Life, the King in his Beauty, a white Throne, Mansions of Glory, the Holy City New Jerusalem, the Streets whereof were all paved with pure Gold, a Crown of Righteousness, which so glistened, that it dazzled mine eyes in such a sort, that could not look downwards like some men, ever since; moreover I saw Millions of Millions of Glorified Saints (coming among the Holy Cherubims and Seraphims and all the Host of Heaven) with Palms and Harps in their hands, singing Hallelujah to God and the Lamb; they made such Melody, that it was enough to ravish one's Soul in such a manner, as to leave no heart nor spirit in us to the empty things of this World. Now the two first glorious Companies who attend True Godliness here, these entered in with him immediately, and the other Glories, Thoughtful was sure of possessing after a few days, so that he was wonderfully fortified against all Domestic Commotions, or foreign approaching dangers whatever; for he could not but expect that new Troubles would be raised against him both from within and without. And so indeed it suddenly came to pass; for Apollyon the cursed Prince of Darkness first raised up all his scattered forces which still remained within, who lurked in holes and secure corners of his house; for particularly Old-man though he was dangerously wounded, his head broke, and laid a bleeding, yet it appears he was not quite dead, yet was committed close prisoner under the charge of one of Godliness his Servants, called Holy Revenge; and though he had a strict Command to kill him yet he saw he could not presently do it; by which means it fell out, that in a little time he seemed to revive again; and poor Thoughtful thereby was continually plagued with Indwelling Sin to his dying day, which was a great grief to him, and a hindrance also to True Godliness at all times; and the worst of all was, this inward Corruption, alias Old-man, alias Body of sin, getting too great power by the treachery of Mrs. Heart and Apollyon, the Prince of Darkness; for they laying before him his manifold evils, and remissness in holy Duties, persuaded him that he harboured in his house an Enemy of True Godliness, called Hypocrisy, and that he was like upon that account to lose all his hopes here, and that happiness which Godliness assured him of hereafter; and had not Sincerity come in with Godliness, he had been utterly undone; but as God would have it, Self-clearing, by the help of poor Conscience, made it appear to him, that Hypocrisy was not hid in his house, nor in the least countenanced by him; for first, they made it out he had a general hatred of all iniquity, and did not allow of, nor connive at any sin whatever, by the aid of Spiritual Indignation: And secondly, That there was no one duty which he was convinced of, but he readily subjected to it by the help of New Obedience. Thirdly, That he was mighty careful of, and had always (by the help of Christian Watch-well) kept a strict eye over Mrs. Heart whom he most of all mistrusted, and had great Jealousy of. Fourthly, That he rested not upon the external performance of any Duty, but did all he did, to the praise and glory of God, by the help of true love. Fifthly, that he was the same continually in private, which he was in public, by the assistance of filial fear. Sixthly, and that also he gave according to his ability, at all times to Theology (Christ's Minister) and to the poor Saints; the one by the aid of New Obedience, Bounty, Liberality and Godly Zeal, and the other by the help of Christian Charity. Seventhly, that he did nothing to be seen of men, or for vain glory sake, by the directions of Holy Ends and Aims. Eighthly, That there was done by the power of Heavenly New-man. Ninthly, and that he was always constant in his love to, and his esteem of True Godliness, being as much for the work of Godliness, as for the wages by the assistances of Faithful. Tenthly, That he did not inordinately love, nor set his affections upon the things of this life, by the help of temperance and sobriety. Eleventhly, that he labored to live a spotless Life, being taught so to do by sweet Purity and harmless Innocency. Twelfthly, that he bore up bravely in the profession of the Gospel, not being ashamed, nor afraid to own Jesus Christ before men, by the means of stability and Christian Courage. Thirteenthly, and that he did not faint under afflictions and trials, by the help of blessed experience, patience, and precious promises. Fourteenthly, That he was not corrupt in principle, nor led into error, by the means of excellent knowledge. Now Conscience and self-clearing having thus freed Thoughtful from the false Charge about harbouring Hypocrisy, he came to perceive what excellent advantage he had, and should receive by Godliness's noble and heavenly Retinue, and hereupon he fell so in love with them, that he never would go anywhere, nor do any work without their company; which Apollyon perceiving, knew it was in vain to assault him any more in that sort, but being filled with hellish rage and malice against him, he raised up mighty forces and powers upon him, from without; for first, he stirred up abundance of base Fellows of the worse sort, to abuse him, among which were these following, Hate-good, Time-server, Pride, Toss-pot, Outside, Riot, Ignorance, Belly-god, Hard-heart, Scoffer, Please-all, Love-lust, Make-bate, Giddy-head, Pick-thank, Rob-Saint, Temporizer, Idolater, Opposer, Avarice, Shameless, Rash, Highminded, Lofty, Seared-Conscience, and many more of like sort, like Bees compassed him about, miscalled and abused him in a cruel and unmerciful manner; which made him wonder what the cause should be, but at last he perceived the ground and reason of it was, only because he had received True Godliness. Remembering that word of Jesus Christ, Marvel not if the World hated you. And that word, They shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my Name sake; with the saying of the Apostle, And all that will live Godly in Christ Jesus, shall suffer Persecution. At this he was somewhat troubled and cast down in his spirits, seeing nothing could be expected but that these Fellows would utterly undo him; as touching the things of this world, and though by the help he had by Godliness's glorious Retinue, he was supported and established in the ways of Grace and true Holiness, yet he was somewhat disquieted in his mind; which Godliness soon perceiving, began to consider what the cause of it should be; but he quickly found out the reason of it; for upon inquiry, he understood among all the good Company Thoughtful had got in his house, yet there was one (whom Godliness dearly loved, and Thoughtful could not be without) was wanting, whose name it seems was Christian Contentment, and also it appeared that this noble high-born Hero Content, had been a long time wandering about in the wilderness of this world, and to seek a fit companion to co-habit or dwell with, but could find not one.